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7 Secrets of Staying Married for Life

Not all marriages end in divorce. Not all marriages get to a place of barely getting by. Many people stay in thriving relationships and grow deeper in their love every day.

I invited Meredith Zacharias on to share some of her secret for a long lasting relationship. Here’s what she has to say-

Not all marriages end in divorce. Not all marriages get to a place of barely getting by. Many people stay in thriving relationships and grow deeper in their love every day.

 

Listening to media reports about “the death of marriage” can be quite heart-breaking. The high rates of divorce do not help things either. It is, however, not all gloom and doom because there are many couples who take their vows seriously and end up enjoying the happily ever after life.

It is usually not an easy task because two people have to work hard to co-exist while having the best of times. Here are seven secrets of staying in love and growing old with your significant other.

1. Marry for the Right Reasons

It all begins with what brought two people together in the first place. Many people will want to get married to someone for the wrong reasons. Maybe they are rushing it because they are getting old. Or they think no one else will come along.

Get to know a person well while dating to make sure that you are marrying them because you love them and cannot live without them, and not for some flimsy excuses. This way, when all the other things fade, you will still have each other’s hearts.

2. Come up with Creative Ways to Enjoy Intimacy

Human beings are sexual and it is important to satisfy this need if you want to last in your marriage. Go out and purchase the best pubic hair trimmer and offer to shave your partner to make things interesting in and out of the bedroom.

Listen to each other’s needs and try to find out what your husband or wife likes so that everyone ends up enjoying the intimate sessions. Try and be a little adventurous to know the things that work well for you as a couple and the things that do not.

3. Never Stop Dating

Just because you put a ring on it does not mean that you have to stop trying to impress your spouse. Find time to spend quality time with each other doing the things that you love like appreciating your spouse.

4. Do not Compare your Relationship to Others

Many couples are guilty of trying to live up to other people’s relationships. It is the worst thing that you could ever do because you could end up breaking a good thing because you feel like you do not measure up.

Note that there is no gold standard in regards to marriage. Everyone has problems and secrets. Just find out what works best for you two and run with it. Forget about what other people have to say as long as you happy and willing to put in the work to have the best relationship on your terms.

5. Communicate

Do not think that your partner is a mind reader. You must communicate with each other as it is key to a long-lasting relationship. Talk about anything and everything that might affect your marriage.

For instance, if you want to have kids, make sure you are on the same page in regards to how many and how to raise them. You may have to compromise sometimes, but it is important to talk about things whether you are happy or unhappy. This can help to save the marriage from a lot of trouble in the future.

6. Take Good Care of Yourself

Even after staying married for decades it is important to make sure you take good care of your body. Make an effort to look good for your partner, so that they can fall in love with you over and over again. Do not let yourself go as this can be a turn-off that can lead to messy breakup.

7. Get Expert Help When you Need it

Marriage is not always a smooth ride. You are bound to experience some problems once in a while. If you are not able to sort out the differences on your own, do not shy away from seeking professional help. A marriage counsellor or therapist could be just what you need to get things rolling, so that you can continue enjoying your marriage.

Let no one lie to you that there is a perfect marriage. You never really know what goes on behind closed doors. Just put in an effort to love your spouse and improve your relationship as the years go by to stay happily married till death does you apart.

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Give Your Husband a Sensual Gift For Father’s Day

I don’t know about you ladies, but shopping for my husband is very difficult. He is a techy guy and I don’t have a lot of buying confidence when it comes to anything electronic. Besides, those purchases are usually expensive and I don’t make large purchases without talking to him.

When we were first married, we hardly had any money at all. I really had to think outside of the box for gift giving. In real life, everyone knows me for my handmade gifts.

I like giving Austin experiences as a gift. Many times we go see a movie on his birthday. This past year, the kids gave him the experience of taking him to his favorite restaurant.

The great thing about experience gifts is that you spend time together. Why not do something sensual for your husband to celebrate Father’s Day.

Here are a few ideas you might like:

The gift of massage ( I did Melt Massage for Austin a few years ago)
Printable Sexy bedroom games (Use the code FDLOVE at checkout to get 50% off anything in my store through Father’s Day.)
Get sexy boardgames from Married Dance. (Use the code LOVE at checkout to get 10% off.)
Answer sexy questions from the Sexploration list put out by Uncovering Intimacy.

Hope you have a wonderful week and I’ll talk to you soon!

5 Ways to Enjoy Intimacy With Your Spouse More

I really enjoy talking about intimacy with other couples. While it takes consistent work to find the things you both enjoy, the effort is worth everything that happens as a result of it. So, the question is, how can you enjoy intimacy? Here are my top 5 tips for you.

I really enjoy talking about intimacy with other couples. While it takes consistent work to find the things you both enjoy, the effort is worth everything that happens as a result of it. So, the question is, how can you enjoy intimacy? Here are my top 5 tips for you.

1. Plan A Talking Time Everyday

I can’t stress the importance of this enough. You won’t be able to truly enjoy intimacy with your spouse if you don’t take time to know one another. You will develop a deeper connection with one another if you talk each day.

The intimate experiences you have in the bedroom happen because you spend time during the day. Spending a little time investing in one another’s mental and emotional needs will grow a deeper connection. As a result, your physical intimacy will also grow.

2. Love Your Body

When we think of body image, we immediately think of being skinny, having defined abs, or anything else we view as sexy. Start by finding a new definition of beauty and match it with your spouse instead.

When you have a healthy view of yourself and your spouse, that is sexy. While there is nothing wrong with making healthy changes to your body, don’t make that the focus. Otherwise, neither of you will want to sexually express yourself. This leads to other problems down the road.

3. Have Fantasies About Your Spouse

There is nothing wrong with taking time to fantasize about your spouse. Think about some things that you do together in the bedroom or you want to do with your spouse. This will increase excitement for the next time you’re together.

 

4. Try Some Foreplay

Foreplay can add some exciting things for both of you. Just taking the time to experiment will help you know what the other likes or doesn’t like. If you feel intimidated, remember you and your spouse trust one another.

Making the move to try new things is an act of trust. It will also make your spouse see that you’re willing to try new things you both may find enjoyable.

5. Create Sparks By Flirting

Flirting lets your spouse know you still love and want them. It really does keep that spark in your romance. Marriage does not mean the romance has to end. It should keep growing stronger.

Whispering, laughing, quiet giggling, and kissing are things that tell your spouse you like them. Remember how you felt about each other when you were dating? That doesn’t have to stop. It’s a great way to keep the fun going.

These are some ways you can deepen the intimacy with your spouse and find more ways to connect with one another.

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How To Use Your Gifts

Super excited to be featured on the Life Around the Coffee Cup Podcast with Leah Heffner. She’s a great host! In this one, we talk about using our gifts to serve God. I really loved the chat. You can click here to listen to the podcast.

 

037 The One with Using Your Gifts in Your Family with Keelie Reason on the Life Around the Coffee Cup Podcast with Leah Heffner

 

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We Listen to Your Questions

We have one of two types of readers that write to me. 1. The spouse that can’t figure out why their spouse isn’t listening to them. 2. The spouse that knows there is a problem and is actively seeking help.

Which spouse are you?

Guys, we can’t fix it for you. We really can’t. But, we do listen. I’m amazed at the number of readers who write in because they don’t have anyone they feel comfortable talking to about their private concerns. I get it. You have to be careful who you talk to and who you trust.

You can always write in and share what’s going on in your life. Austin and I listen to your questions and concerns. Email me keelie@lovehopeadventure and austin@lovehopeadventure.

Other things on my mind this week:

What to do When Your Spouse Changes For The Worst

Things I Learned My First Year of Marriage 

Body Jewelry Can be Used as Lingerie

Memorial Day- Remembering Freedom’s Price

Memorial Day is a day to reflect on the price of freedom. A price is always paid for someone else to be free. This holiday was established for us to thank those that have paid high prices for us to have the opportunities we have.

Memorial Day is a day to reflect on the price of freedom. A price is always paid for someone else to be free. This holiday was established for us to thank those that have paid high prices for us to have the opportunities we have.

These Memorial Day thoughts on freedom were submitted anonymously by one who served.

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”  John 15:13

“Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you: Jesus Christ and the American G.I. One died for your soul; the other for your freedom! Freedom is not free; it is bought with the blood of another.”  Anonymous

I have had the privilege of serving in one of the most elite Army aviation units in the world and each one of us would have given our lives to protect the life of a brother—and for you to be able to enjoy your freedoms. In December 2000, I was released from duty on a Family Care Separation due to being awarded custody of my two young sons.

At that time, I had no intention of leaving the military, but it was in the best interest of my children to do so. Just over nine months later America would be attacked by a force that would falter at nothing in order to destroy the heart of America.

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On 9/11/01 the lives of everyone I know and love were changed forever. As the events were unfolding on 9/11, it was like a punch to the throat. I knew my brothers were going to deploy very quickly to wherever in the world this attack had originated. It was obvious our national interests were under attack based on the targets hit.

Making a phone call to my former unit wishing them well and offering prayers for their safety in their mission, I also made the decision that I would return to my unit to serve. My family situation had changed making that possible.

Mom and I had a discussion when I called to let her know my decision. She told me I couldn’t go back in the Army because I had two boys who needed me. My response was that was where I was needed. She persisted, as did I.

My argument was “she could explain to the families of those who had just lost their lives that my life was more important than those lost.” I completely understood her concern as a mother who had already had one son deployed during the first Desert Storm. She was undoubtedly concerned. I did what I needed to do.

February 22, 2002, my unit lost an aircraft with 14 souls on board. March 4, 2002, I lost a very close friend on a mountaintop in Afghanistan due to injuries sustained from enemy fire. Though I have lost several brothers in arms, I would not change any of it. I know all of them would, without a doubt, do it all over again for God, Country, and Family.

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These men gave their lives along with so many others I did not know to protect the rights and freedoms many Americans take for granted each and every day. Even with the physical pain and heartache, I deal with daily—even should it have cost my life here, I would do it all again for your rights and freedoms. Every American G.I. signs that blank check up to and including his life, for your rights and freedoms as Americans.

“I serve with the memory and pride of those who have gone before me for they loved to fight, fought to win and would rather die that quit.  ”Nightstalkers Don’t Quit (Night Stalker Creed)

Even greater, Jesus Christ knew His life was the price to be paid to wash all our sins away and give us eternal life, to free us from slavery to the things that keep us from living the life God desires for us here, and for eternity in His presence. Without His undying love, and resurrection, we would never have this hope—and He did it for us while we were His enemy. “But God demonstrates His own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  Romans 5:8

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Understanding Sexual Arousal

I thought this was a really great explanation from El Fury about some people get sexually aroused and then act on the sexual arousal. others aren’t aroused until something sexual is going on. It can cause all types of confusion for both sides.

Understanding Sexual Arousal

One spouse may think, “Why are they after me all the time? Is sex all they think about?”. The other spouse may think, “Why do they never initiate? Why aren’t they ever in the mood?”. When you don’t understand your own sexual tendencies, it can be just as confusing.

One spouse may say, “Why don’t I ever want sex?”. The other spouse may say, “Why do I want sex right now? This is the most inopportune time.” I think it is really important that we figure out our own patterns and our spouse’s patterns.

Being in the Mood or Not

It’s really common to not be, “In the mood” until things start feeling good. It’s just as common to be “in the mood” when nothing is going on at all. 

You can check out what he said in his post, Spontaneous and Responsive Sexuality.

10 Marriage Tips I Wish I Knew 15 Years Ago

Although I’ve been married for 15 years, I only recently had some marriage revelations a few years ago. You can learn quite a bit about a person when you spend that much time with them. You also learn a lot about them that you didn’t know before you got married.

If we’re all honest with ourselves, we have no idea what we’re doing in this thing called marriage. When we get married, we try the best we can and hope everything turns out okay. But, it can be more than just okay! I want to share 10 bits of marriage advice that I wish I figured out earlier in marriage.

1. You Are A Team

When you live together you learn a lot about one another. Sometimes things happen in life that cause you to disagree and fight against one another. Remember, you are a team and working together is a win for your marriage. I wish I made the decision early on to keep this mindset.

2. Make Time to Initiate Sex

Early on in our marriage, I rarely let my husband know I wanted sex. I basically waited for him to make the move. Now, several year later, I understand the importance of both us making time to get excited about making love.

3. Sex Isn’t Just About Making Babies

When you both feel you’re ready to have children, it’s easy to make every moment all about making babies. Although it’s a special time for both of you, this mindset is a quick way to take the fun out of making love.

4. Put Some Distance Between You and the In-Laws

This is one I actually did right! We never lived near either set of parents. This made it easier to avoid drama or unannounced visits.

5. Don’t Let Anger Consume You

I don’t find it difficult to forgive so I did not think holding onto anger would be an issue. Through the course of our marriage, we both did some things that resulted in hurt feelings. I struggled with some anger and held grudges that I shouldn’t have.

6. Consider Your Spouse’s Thoughts

It’s easy to think that your spouse is intentionally causing you some pain. But the real issue is that you may have some things you need to work through. Sit down and talk it out. Your spouse may not realize they did something to offend you.

7. Indulge Each Other’s Daydreams

Even if you’re not a daydreamer, it’s a good idea to encourage your spouse if they enjoy doing that. While it may sound unrealistic to you, it’s important not to squash their hopes and dreams.

8. Flirt With Each Other

When we were first dating, I made googly eyes at my husband quite often. When we got married, I didn’t do it anymore. Years later, I realized that it’s so important to find little ways to flirt.

9. Tackle Finances Together

I handled the finances for several years after we got married. My husband didn’t have a desire to do any of it. Now, we both take part in the responsibility and it’s made us aware of how we budget and save.

10. Say Thank You Every Day

It’s easier to go about your day and settle in your routine without thinking about it. Saying two simple words makes a huge difference in your relationship. It’s encouraging to both of you and strengthens your relationship.

 

These are 10 of the most important pieces of marriage advice that I wish I knew before I got married. They’re simple things that strengthen your marriage and bring you closer together.

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