10 Ways to Make More Time For Intimacy in Marriage

I am often asked how you and your spouse can make time for intimacy, especially if there are kids in the house. If you don’t invest in your relationship now, you may find it’s not there for you when the kids move out. Don’t take your relationship lightly at any stage of life. It’s so important to focus on emotional intimacy in marriage at every step of the way.

These are my top tips:

1. Limit what your kids are involved in.

Don’t let your kids be involved in after-school activities every day of the week. If they have to be involved every day of the week for a season, make sure there are months out of the year they are off. Rebuilding intimacy in your marriage takes time, so if you’re maxed out, that can’t happen.

2. Limit what functions, groups, and things you say yes to.

Just because you were asked to do something doesn’t mean you need to say yes. Pick a small number of things you can feel passionate about and give your time to that. Say no to the rest.

3. Take a team approach to housework.

Give everyone a daily or weekly chore list so no one is slammed with work. It’s important that no one feels physical exhaustion at the end of every day.

4. Don’t be afraid to hire help.

It’s ok if you need to pay someone to watch your kids a few days a week or come in and clean your house. Maybe you pay a grocery delivery service to bring your groceries once a month or do curbside pickup. Maybe you should send your laundry out to get cleaned once a month. Do whatever you can afford to free up some time. 

5. Make your bedroom off-limits to the kids.

Teach your kids that when you are in your bedroom, they should leave you alone. Start when they are toddlers and by the time they are old enough to be out in the house alone, they’ll leave you alone. This makes it easy to steal away for a short period to re-connect. 

6. Be intentional about date nights.

Whether you stay at home or go out, take time to put your phones down, limit distractions, and talk to each other. 

7. Create a schedule for sex.

Decide each week what nights you are going to make time for sex. 

8. Laugh together.

Find ways to make your spouse laugh and enjoy spending time together. 

9. Have a slow day.

Pick one day a week and just slow down. It might mean you need to re-evaluate your life and say no to some things. But be intentional about having a day where you don’t have much to do. 

10. Go to bed together.

Do the best you can to head to the bedroom at the same time. Give yourself extra time to talk and connect with each other before you go to sleep. If you have a lack of intimacy, this will give you more time to engage with one another. 

These tips will help you keep your schedule clear so you and your spouse can connect. The importance of intimacy in marriage should be something you both agree on and work towards.

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5 Responses

  1. Thank you for sharing this ! For years my husband and I went to bed separately because he is such a night owl. We had to train ourselves to just go to bed together. It has done wonders for our relationship.

  2. I’ve got one kid left in high school and one that has graduated. I don’t think there is one size fits all when it comes to number one. We had busier seasons with our kids activities over the years where things were a little hectic. But part of being a parent is investing in your kid in some way. If your kid is passionate about doing something being involved in music, sports, the school newspaper etc. can be a great experience. My son thrives on the experience so why deny him the experience if we truly don’t have to. Travelling to his games gives us a chance to talk and do something together. There is lot of research about how being involved in these activities can be beneficial to kids if it is something they are passionate. Again though not a one size fits all situation.

    I feel number 10 is not a one size fits all situation either.

    1. Absolutely, there’s no one size fits all to marriage. If you give a lot of time to sports or activities for your kids, I’m sure you said no to other things to make it happen. There can be space for Intimacy and after school sports.

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