I think we are all striving for a healthy marriage, but sometimes we develop habits that can slowly destroy our relationship. I want to talk to you about some of those things that are killing your marriage whether you realize it or not.
1. Comparisons of All Kinds
Comparing yourself to others is a natural thing to do, but it isn’t good for you. This habit actually causes you to be more dissatisfied with your life.
You can be going along in life and feel like things are going well. Then, you see how someone else is doing it better than you, and all of a sudden, you are no longer happy with what you have. Now, you feel like to be happy, you have to do what they are doing.
When you see another couple who seems to be in love and doing well, it isn’t hard to compare your marriage to theirs. What you don’t see is the behind the scenes of their life. Most of us can put on a good show when we are around others.
Not only is comparing your marriage to others, comparing yourself to your spouse is also a big problem. If you determine that you are better than your spouse, it will cause you to be unhappy with them. If you decide that they are better than you, you will struggle with self-esteem issues.
All types of comparisons damage your mindset, ultimately damaging your relationship.
2. Meanness Towards One Another
I talk about this all the time; you have to be nice to each other. My mom is a huge advocate of this, and she is the reason I have taken such note in my life about it.
What is it about being in a close relationship with someone that makes you feel you have permission to be mean towards them?
Maybe we feel comfortable that they will love us no matter what.
I think that is great to be secure in your relationship, because we are all going to make mistakes. However, I think it is very important that you make every effort to treat your spouse with kindness.
I hear ya over there, “But…my spouse isn’t nice to me! Why would I be nice to them?”.
I get you on this one. Unfortunately, we don’t get to decide that we will do the right things because others are doing the right things. Instead, God commands us, and we need to obey, no matter what. If you are being unkind to your spouse because they are being mean to you, you still don’t have an excuse.
When you are not courteous to the one you love, it will damage your relationship over time. Again, none of us are perfect and we are going to have times where we don’t treat the other person nice. In those situations, we need to go to them, apologize, and take the initiative to change your actions.
3. Busy, Busy, Busy
I understand that we all have obligations that we have to put our time and attention towards. I think society tells us that we have to be super busy….too busy.
When your health and relationships are suffering on account of being busy, it is time to slow down. This line of thinking is very countercultural, I get that. Austin and I have made a lot of choices to make sure that we are never too busy for one another and other relationships in our lives.
If you are so busy that you and your spouse go for days without talking, then you need to re-evaluate your time. If you haven’t been out on a date in a month, you need to get rid of some of your commitments. Your marriage is forever, but most of those other commitments are not.
These are the top things that I think are killing your marriage, what do you think? I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.