I know I’m not the only one that has noticed that anything to do with sex and romance on movies is nothing like it is in real life.
Before I go any further, you should know that I do not watch sex scenes at all. I always skip past these scenes and do not view movies that have a lot of inappropriate things in it. I only know that the few things I do see when these scenes come on the television, are completely wrong.
If you are getting married soon and preparing to have sex for the first time, then this post is for you. If you want to laugh at the ridiculousness of the portrayal of intimacy on screen, this post is also for you.
Here are a few things that actually happen when you have sex, but don’t do well on screen.
1. It’s Messier Than You Think
Have you noticed that everyone on television always flops back after being intimate. Then after a few exchanges of conversation, they jump up and get dressed.
Clearly these people didn’t actually climax….and most definitely didn’t use any lube. If they had, they wouldn’t be ok to put on their pants (minus the underwear…I’ve never seen anyone putting on underwear. Unless they are pulling up their underwear with their pants. Who can pull up underwear and pants at the same time without getting a wedgy?).
Unless you want a mess all over your sheets or in your clothes, you better get some tissues. You will probably want to head to the bathroom to finish cleaning up.
A person taking care of personal hygiene before or after sex doesn’t film well. No one wants to see all that.
2. You Are Going to Have to Use Your Words
By words…I don’t mean the sexy groans you usually hear actors and actresses grunt out. In fact, most of us try to stay quiet so we don’t have to encounter weird conversations with our kids the next day.
What I am talking about is giving your spouse directions. That is also not sultry, so you never hear a television couple saying things like:
You’re laying on my hair…
That position is not working for me, let’s try something else…
I can’t tell, did you come?…
Hold on, I’ve got a hair in my mouth…
If only sex scenes portrayed reality, then we wouldn’t be as disappointed at the start of our marriage.
It would be really awesome if every time I made love, I had a script to read ahead of time. Then I would know what he was going to do and my responses would all make sense. Instead, we just awkwardly muddle through using our words to help each other along.
Stop worrying so much about being sexy…you are having sex…you ARE sexy. Go ahead and say what you need to so that your intimate time can be the best for you. Stop trying to be like movie couples…we’ve already established that they have a script to go off of.
3. It’s Ok If You Don’t Start Out in The Mood
If you believe everything on television, you will believe that everyone starts out in the mood to have sex. Even though I skip past sex scenes, I can’t get away from the ridiculous lead up to the couple getting it on. Yes…I did say ridiculous.
No one tackles each other like that on a regular basis and throws the other against a wall. Even if they do that every now and then, it never goes quite like the movies. You end up banging each other in the teeth and not being able to unbutton each other’s clothes.
Usually what happens, is one person looks at the other and say, “Hey, you wanna?”. Some couples might have smoother moves than that. Maybe they start out with a little kiss and then climb on the other person.
It doesn’t usually start out with both people with a ravenous look in their eye. If anything, only one person is in the mood and has to convince the other that they are going to have a good time. Sometimes, neither of you are in the mood, you just realize it has been a few days and you probably should be together.
Let’s Get Real About Intimacy
Building a deep and satisfactory sex life with your spouse looks nothing like it does in the movies. Good grief, if you look at porn, then it really doesn’t look like that. I encourage you to stop looking at director’s depictions of what sex is supposed to look like. For that matter, stop looking at author’s depictions in romance novels as well. Instead, embrace the messy, awkward, practical thing we call sex.