When it comes to relationships, very little comes easy. Being in a long-term relationship can be really complicated and difficult.
The other day I was thinking about some things that can seem like it should be easy, but totally isn’t.
1. Fulfilling Conversations in Marriage
While you are dating, conversations can come so easily, but a few years into marriage is where it gets complicated. After a few years, your chats with each other can be reduced to chore lists and responsibilities.
Austin and I are huge proponents of conversation starters for this reason. We have been using prompts for a few years when we go out on dates at least. It helps us to come up with things to talk about that have nothing to do with our responsibilities.
2. Shared Interest
During your dating years, you have to find reasons to get together every chance you have. Once you are married and live together, you do not have to find those things to do together like you did.
If you are anything like Austin and I, we have very few shared interests. It can be hard to come up with something that we both enjoy doing. More often than not, we take turns doing the things the other person enjoys.
Even though we are the best of friends, it doesn’t mean that we will love doing everything that the other person does. In fact, being great friends is what allows us to have fun together even if we do not prefer the activity.
3. Physical Intimacy
Movies, books, television shows…we know it isn’t real, but we cling to it anyways, especially when it comes to romance and intimacy. Sex never goes down the way you see it on television (at least not in general).
While I do not watch sex scenes (and I suggest you don’t either) I do see the progression a couple takes before they head down that path. In marriage, most times of physical intimacy do not happen that way.
It can be very difficult to align your sexual desires and needs.
It Takes Effort
My main point in these three areas, and many more, is that it takes a lot of effort. Just because things do not come easily in your marriage, doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It doesn’t mean that you aren’t in love or able to enjoy one another.
Change your mindset about these areas or others that you don’t feel come easy. Instead of looking at having to work at it as a failure, consider it part of the journey.