3 Ways You Shouldn’t Ask to Make Love and 1 Way You Should

3 Ways you should ask for sex from your spouse and 1 way you shouldnt

Regardless of your sex drive, there will be days when you are in the mood and want to tell your spouse. Here are some tips to help you get your point across efficiently. In my experience, I’ve tried a lot of things that didn’t get my point across and only one thing that has.

Don’t put kids to bed early and wait for them to jump you

If you are in the mood, this seems like the perfect time to get started on some love making so you can call it an early night.

Putting kids in bed early isn’t enough for them to get it. They might just think they have more time to work on a project before sitting down or heading to bed.

Don’t stand between them and what they are doing

This is probably one of the worst ways to hit on your spouse. For example, if they are watching television, they aren’t  going to understand why you are getting between them and what they are working on.

In your mind, you think they’ll realize they are about to get lucky and cut off the tv in haste. What really happens is that they try to look around you and eventually get upset. Not the kind of response you need when trying to woo your lover.

Don’t put on something sexy and expect them to get it

You might be getting close with this, but not there, yet. It seems like they should be all over you if you take the time to look sexy.

The thing about that is they always think you look sexy and have to restrain themselves every day. Why should you putting on a slightly risque’ outfit cause them to think you are ready to hit the bed?

Do come right out and ask!

Even in marriage, we are notorious for trying to beat around the bush to get what we want. I’ll just go ahead and let you in on a little secret…your spouse doesn’t get it.

If you need your love to rock your world, come right out and tell them. Use your words followed by a few kisses. I promise they’ll get it, then.

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4 Responses

  1. This is an interesting post. (I’m the wife) I’ve tried all three of these and failed. I chalked each failure up to more proof that he just doesn’t really feel attracted to me anymore. Why else would he turn down sex so often.

    He, on the other hand, often says “I had no idea you wanted to have sex.” He has even said, “I didn’t think you were in the mood” when I SO obviously was. I think he uses these as convenient excuses so he doesn’t have to force himself to have sex with me. He says I’m wrong, and that he loves being with me. But, he never asks either, so…. What does that tell me? When all I read about is how much sex men want and need and how often they hound their wives for some love. My husband would rather sleep. He never asks me for sex. He waits for me to come on to him. He misses a lot of cues (and I think it’s on purpose).

    Coming right out and asking? I don’t know. Too risky. Being rejected hurts, even when it’s subtle. I don’t want to say, “hey honey I’d like to make love” just to have him say “no thanks.” It would crush me more than his subtle rejections do.

    1. I know how hard it must be to rejected. No one wants to be rejected. You’ve got two choices here, believe your husband and give him the benefit of a doubt and then go out on a limb and see what happens, or you continue to hint around and have him continue to say that he misread you. Going the route of hinting around means you guys never move to total honesty with each other. It would be better to be rejected and then deal with it than to play it safe and never have those necessary conversations. I’ve talked with other women who’s husbands do not initiate and do not want sex the way the movies and media make you think. I don’t know if that helps you or not, but I’ve had several conversations lately with ladies dealing with this. It’s not easy on you and I know it’s not easy on your husband. Whatever reason he is avoiding sex is hurting him too. I hate that you both do not have a close relationship in this area.

      1. I guess. But why can’t he go out on the limb? Why does it always have to be me. On another blog, one of the men said that asking for sex feels vulnerable and emotionally naked. Ok, I kind of get that. Then I replied that I am his wife and the least scary person on earth. To which another male commenter replied that there is nothing more intimidating than the woman you love, nor more frightening than having to bare your soul to her.
        What??? Then why get married? Shouldn’t your spouse be the safest person?

        Anyhow, I have gone out on a limb. A bunch. It’s his turn. Trust me, if I hadn’t initiated the first 15 years, we’d have had sex almost never. I’d love to know what’s it’s like to feel beautiful and desired and to be pursued. Just once! I’m really not that ugly. And he pouts and says it makes him feel really badly that I feel so badly about myself and that I never feel beautiful. Well, DUH!! Why would I feel beautiful when the man I love DOESNT find me attractive, worth pursuing, or even loveable?

        I think it’s hard for normal women who have husbands who are attracted to them to understand. I do appreciate that you are a good listener and you don’t just say “well, get over it.” The way so many others do.

        You know, sometimes I wonder if my husband ever stumbled on some of my comments if he’d finally understand why I don’t believe him when he says “I love you.” I don’t think he gets how painful this can be.

        On a bright note, I have been getting better as far as understanding I have worth to Christ and that is where I need to put my hope and my focus, regardless of how attractive I am or am not to my husband.

        1. I know you must be so super frustrated. 🙁 I hate that for you. Maybe you should write down your feelings to him. That might help him understand better! I know you want to give up and stop pursuing him. I certainly won’t tell you that you should keep on if it crushes you every time.

          Many women do not feel beautiful, even if they have husbands that they know find them attractive and pursue them sexually. I know that you can feel beautiful and valid no matter what is going on with your husband. That is something I will encourage you to do. I encourage you to figure out what you can do to feel like the beautiful woman you are, even if your husband never approaches you. There was a time when you were single and you had to feel beautiful without the attention of another person. You can get back to that, or you can work towards that if you never had it to begin with.

          Marriage is a long tough road. I will keep praying for you as I know this is so hard for you to work through.

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