How to Feel More Confident During Sex

No matter how long you’ve been married, feeling confident during sex can be tough at times. Maybe you put on some weight and you’re feeling more self-conscious. It could be that you are going through a rough emotional time and you don’t feel sexy or in the mood. Maybe your spouse wants to try new things and you’ve put it off for years. 

Regardless of what’s causing you to feel less than confident in the bedroom, there are things you can do to increase that confidence.

Any time you want to feel comfortable doing something, it will require effort and intentional actions. I have a few ideas of how you can boost your confidence during sex.

1. Focus On Your Personal Hygiene

I don’t know about you, but I don’t feel sexy if I think I reek of B.O. Before having sex, consider doing a little extra with your personal hygiene.

Especially in the summer, you might consider wiping down all of your intimate parts. If you are the kind of person that enjoys a night shower, then just go ahead and take a shower. Personally, I don’t do this because my hair would not do right in the mornings without being wet down.

If you keep baby wipes or lume wipes in your bathroom, this will make it easy to clean up. It will also encourage your spouse to do a little pre-sex maintenance if you leave the wipes out in plain sight.

Using a scented body spray or lotion can make you smell pleasant. Just avoid putting lotions and sprays anywhere your spouse will kiss or lick. It may smell great, but it tastes nasty. You can also use LUME to help with BO in your intimate areas. You can actually wipe this natural deodorant in your anus area as well as on your genitals. (Not to be used inside the vagina).

When you’re not worrying if your breath stinks or other offensive odors are present, you’ll feel more confident when having sex.

2. Set The Mood

Get the environment set ahead of time. If you’re like me, bright lights overhead can kill your eyes and make you feel less confident. Consider soft lighting, burn some candles, put on lingerie, whatever it takes for you to set the mood. When you’re prepared ahead of time for sex, you’ll feel confident about what’s going to happen.

3. Initiate Love Making

I won’t lie, it took me a number of years to initiate lovemaking in my relationship. Fast forward to today and I will tell you that I have no idea why it was so hard for me to pursue my husband, I just know it was.

However, I will say that initiating has done a lot for my confidence level. When I go to my husband and pursue him, it helps me to feel empowered. I take control and it makes me feel like I can do more.

The other benefit to me initiating, is that I am not caught off guard. If I know I’m getting in the bed to be intimate, I’m going to do the extra personal hygiene things that help me feel comfortable. I’m going to plug in the soft lights so that I have the best possible atmosphere.

4. Play a Bedroom Game

One of the reasons that I like bedroom games is it makes it really easy for you to just do the next thing on the card. You don’t have to be creative on the spot and it is much easier to be confident. Games like Lover May I can help you because it gives you practice on asking your spouse if you can do sexy things to them. The more you play bedroom games, the less you’ll need them to give you ideas of what to do next.

5. Believe Your Spouse Wants Sex With You

And I’m sure they do! Unless you’re married to a real piece of crap, your spouse wants to have sex with you. Believe them! You are sexy. You are desired. Lean into that and act like a person that is being sexually craved. Sometimes you have to fake it till you make it. So if you don’t believe it yet, then just act like you do until you do.


Hopefully, you can feel a bit more sure of yourself in the bedroom with these few tips. If you have anything that you do to feel confident, please tell me about it in the comments section. I’d love for you to share with the community your own ideas.

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4 Responses

  1. I agree with these suggestions (LOVE the idea about Christmas lights!) , & also advocate the use of essential oils-they have done so much to boost my confidence (& desire) over the last 14 months. Diffuse them, use them 2 make massage oils & body oils, you can even use the oil blend whisper as a perfume. Music is another good thing 2 help set the mood & get your mind off what u consider 2 be your physical inadequacies. Then just remember that men & women are totally different-all those little things you worry about probably don’t bother him a bit. Just try 2 stop focusing on those & instead concentrate on making him feel good. Taking pleasure in giving him pleasure helps you ignore those unsettling distractions & just enjoy each other. Oh! And play games (take regular games & adapt them 2 make them sexy) …. a great way 2 have fun together as you slip into foreplay without leaving room for you 2 think about any insecurities you might be bothered by. 🙂

    1. Yes, I love essential oils too! I really love Jasmine and Lavender. I know that cinnamon and ginger can be used as aphrodisiacs as well. I agree about the games too! I have a few sexy games here on the site. I hope you will check them out.

  2. I pray. ? Really. We went to a marriage seminar a few years ago, and something made me “get it.” I’d always known that there is a Godly purpose for sex in the marriage, but apparently my heart was ready to KNOW. So, I pray that we can both be open to fun, adventure, and the true intimacy that is meant for us; and it works.

    1. That is very encouraging that you understand that God has a purpose behind sex. I really do hope you can get to a place where you feel closer to your husband through sex.

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