There will be plenty of days when you’re in the mood for sex and you want your husband to know it. I’ve personally tried many things to get my point across and none of them worked. There’s only been one thing that has. Here are some ideas to help you efficiently achieve your goal.
I used to think that I could subtly tell Austin I was in the mood and get him to come after me. I had a few go-to moves that I thought would send him the signals that I was hot and ready. To my surprise, he rarely ever got it! What was I doing wrong? Finally, I figured it out, but it took a long time to get there.
Here are 3 ways to not ask for sex from your husband.
Don’t put kids to bed early and wait for him to get the hint
Calling it an early night is a great way to get started on lovemaking if you’re in the mood. I used to think, “If I can just get these kids in bed, then we’ll be able to spend some alone time together”. Seems like the perfect time to be romantic right? That certainly can’t happen when you’ve got kids draping off of you.
However, simply putting the kids to bed early isn’t going to cut it. Your husband may just think you’re tired and headed to bed. He may even assume you’ve got work you need to do.
Don’t come between him and what he’s doing
If you think standing in front of your husband while he’s busy doing something is going to end in you both rushing to the bedroom, think again. You’re thinking, “He’s going to get the hint and jump me”. He’s thinking, “Why is she standing in front of me while I’m trying to watch tv?”.
Getting in his line of sight between his favorite show isn’t going to send the signal, “I need your body”. This one of the worst ways to try flirting with your spouse. Likely, you’ll both end up frustrated because he will ask you to move, and you’ll take it that he’s not in the mood. Your communication is not clear and both of you will end up upset and frustrated.
Don’t dress in something sexy and expect him to get it
Chances are, your husband thinks you always look sexy. So, you taking the time to put on something sexy, still may not hit home yet. While you may think he’ll totally get what you want, that may not be the case. Again, he could just think you’re ready for bed.
I used to put on my most revealing clothes and come sit beside Austin. I would think, “certainly he will know that I want him”. What ended up happening, is he would just cut on the tv like usual. Why didn’t he get it? Because he couldn’t tell the difference between what I considered to be my “sexy” clothes, and my “regular” clothes. They were all sexy to him.
After 15 years of marriage, here’s what I have determined is the best way to ask for sex from your husband-
Do make it crystal clear. Ask him!
It is no secret that women are known for “beating around the bush” to get what we want. This is a complete waste of time. Here’s a spoiler….your husband doesn’t get it.
If you want some intimate time with your husband, just tell him. Let him know, give him a few sweet kisses, and he’ll totally understand what you want.
When I finally came out of my shell and actively pursued Austin, it made a HUGE difference! We had no more miscommunications. He gladly welcomed my simple “come get me” statements over the other actions. I know! I know! It doesn’t seem so romantic to just say, “hey, you wanna have sex?”. But believe me, it’s much more effective.
*I use affiliate links
This is awesome! Sometimes we wives think we’re being clear, but most men don’t pick up on all the signals we do (not just in marriage, but all relationships). But tell a guy—and now he knows! It’s genius, Keelie. 😉
Lol…right? Just say the words directly.
I would say a wife should (at least sometimes) go one step further and rather than asking “do you want to,” which is better than a casual hint, say something that affirms her desire for him. You might think I’m splitting hairs, here, but men usually interpret “do you want to” as more as “I’m willing” than “I want you.” Don’t get me wrong, willingness is good and is usually enough, but statements of her own desire affirm her attraction to him – a big and often unspoken need for most men.
So once in a while be even more direct. Maybe say something like, “I would really like to make love with you right now” (or tonight or after the kids are asleep or whenever). Or maybe “I’m in the mood to fool around, are you in?” Of course there are even more direct statements of what you want to do to him or have him do to you or to do together. You get the idea.
I agree! There is a huge difference between being a willing participant and actually excited about something. Women do need to show true enthusiasm for making love with their husbands. 😀
I hate to say this, but you’re right! I struggle with low self esteem (worth, really) and my husband has the low sex drive in our relationship. We are backwards. I have the spontaneous sex drive while he has the responsive sex drive. In the past, I did most (all) of the initiating. Until recently, I had probably come on to him about 50,000 times – and been “rejected” 90% of the time. For a long time I figured he just didn’t love/wasn’t attracted to me, so I stopped – and our sex life took a huge dive.
Well it turns out, my husband does not get hints! He is SO smart, but hints fly right over his head. Anywho, everything I thought was super, super obvious he never got. I thought he was just lying because he didn’t want me. I would do everything you mentioned above and a lot more, but he didn’t catch on. I felt unbelievably rejected.
Yesterday we dropped our kids off at practice and I said, “wanna go home, get a quick shower, have sex and then go out for Mexican food?” And he was all like “YES I DO!” And we had quite a fun evening.
I must tell you, I was not thrilled about having to ask. It kills me to do what I see as swallowing my pride and begging for his attention and affection. But, it all worked out much better than if I had hinted and then sulked because he seemed disinterested.
So while I’m not thrilled that it’s the way it is, I do have to agree with you that sometimes just asking is the way to go.
Yeah, I think us women want it to go down so much more romantically than- “hey, you wanna?”. But for men, there’s no romance lost at all in that direct form of communication about sex. Sex is just as much a part of romance as anything for guys. For you, I’d say to do all of those things to make yourself feel better, but then, when he’s not getting the hint, come right out and ask him. That will tip him off to your clues. If you do all of those things and then come right out and ask, he might start picking up those hints more.
Number two and number three are questionable to include in the list as to whether or not us guys will get the hint. If you combine them, we’ll likely get it!
If my wife got between me and what i was doing, tossed a hip to the side, or picked up something off the floor ensuring i gaze at the right areas – id take the “risk” to procede! … what ever i was doing can likely wait … till tomorrow if need be!
Also, while i think my wife is a wonder to look at in just about anything, there are things my wife can do with her clothes to show intent. For example, remove an undergarment then had it to me, or unbutton lower than normal for the particular outfit being worn… those types of hints are not wasted. If nothing else, lower the “risk factor” to promote the mindset being sought!
Also, remember what message you are trying to send. Are you trying to send the message to him to start something (ie. Are you trying to open the door for him to initiate, or are you trying to initiate). If you are initiating, then “work it” till to the end of your lovemaking session, or he pleasantly declines. If you are trying to open the door door him to initiate, well work it till he gets the message, then enjoy his prowess!
That’s great feedback! I think it definitely helps to understand your spouse and their hints for sure.
Hi Keelie, I’m going to have to say something here.
I’m a man whose wife doesn’t enjoy sex, in fact she says it’s weird. She just doesn’t get what I like about it.
I accept that we men are not mind readers but I would absolutely get the message if she were to stand in front of me partially clothed, wearing something sexy or even completely naked.
Even when we do something sexy she doesn’t dress sexy so i would certainly get the message if she did.
Keep up the good work. I think I see what you’re getting at but we are all different.
I am sorry to hear that. 🙁 I know that many couples struggle with one spouse who initiates sex often and desires it a great deal while the other rarely ever desires it. I am sure that if she put any moves out there at all, you would be keen to it.