Have you ever had a day where it seemed like you were failing at everything? It’s like you wake up one day and forget how to adult. Maybe it stretches on for more than a day…a week…a month…goodness let’s not hope much more than that…but it happens.
This has been me….all…week…long…
For the last week, it has been one thing or another that I have failed at. Some days, it’s been a couple of things.
It is pretty safe to say that I have been in a bad mood and taking it out on my family. That’s a pretty sucky thing for me to do, isn’t it?
I know…I know…
I’m not supposed to be yelling at my husband and kids for any reason. I have not been on my A game this past week, that is for sure. If you know me in real life, then you’ll know I’m a pretty intense individual.
When I am not in a good mood, I tend to get ghetto (what I call when my neck gets rubbery and I purse my lips and slit my eyes). Getting this way is not pretty or beneficial to my family. I become even more intense then usual and that is never fun for anyone.
Sometimes, I just can’t pull out of it…
There are just times that I can’t pull out of the funk. I sit around in it and wallow for a while. All of the things in life tend to pile up on me during those periods.
It starts with me bursting out in anger at someone in the house. Then I start blaming my actions on everyone around me.
When I come to my senses, I realize it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but my own. It was my anger that caused the situation to get worse, and then I feel upset with myself.
I end up throwing a pity party for one…
After I get upset with myself, I throw a nice little pity party. I start thinking about all the ways I’ve been failing lately…or in my life.
Gosh! Why can’t I just get it right?
Then I start putting myself down…
In my mind, I let the negative thoughts start taking over. Last week, the negative thoughts went like this:
- I didn’t reach my income goals for the month
- I have been acting horrible to my husband
- I failed as a homeschool mom and had to send the kids to school
- I will probably mess up my youngest’s education, too
- I will never get rid of these stretch marks
- My butt will never be any smaller, no matter what I do
- Seriously…the size of my stomach sucks
- I’m a horrible friend; I’ve probably never been a good friend to anyone in my life
- Why in the world does anyone put up with me?
The list just goes on and on as long as I let it.
Then I go back and forth between mopey and angry…
After I spend a while letting myself wallow in the negative thoughts, I flip flop between mopey and angry. I continue throwing my pity party, which makes me feel horrible about myself.
The guilt and sense of being a failure causes me to be impatient with everyone. I become angry with those around me, because when I am in that mood, I ain’t got no time fo’ nuttin. Getting angry causes me to burst out and then the cycle just keeps going on and on.
Pulling out of the cycle…
It is very hard to pull out of a cycle like this. Once you admit defeat, it can be very hard to put a stop to it. Believe me, I’ve held my white flag up plenty of times, but the battle in my mind kept raging on.
So, what do you do when you are in a fail, pity party, angry, fail, pity party, angry cycle?
I’m not a professional or anything, but I can tell you some things I do to help pull out.
- Read scripture– we all have to be reminded who we are in Christ. Whenever I am in a bad mood and get into these moods, I have to remind myself that God graciously forgives me. He cares for me and what I’m going through.
- Stop the negative thoughts- I’m a practical person and I try to be honest with myself. It is right for me to acknowledge where I’ve done something wrong. The problem is when I let the acceptance of my failures turn into lies. I can be disappointed with the decisions I have made, but I shouldn’t attack myself mentally. The only way to stop the negative thoughts is to turn to replace those thoughts with positive ones.
- Talk to God- how mad can I stay at myself and the rest of the world if I am talking to God about what’s going on? Not very long at all. In fact, I will avoid talking to God when I don’t want to stop being mad…silly right? Sometimes, I just want to hang on to the negativity and anger.
- Do something nice for others- if I have a coping mechanism, this is probably it. When I feel horrible about myself, I tend to do nice things for other people. Building others up and encouraging other people really lifts my spirits. It also helps me to keep myself in focus.
What I don’t do…
This is very important! What I don’t do is compare myself to others. I know that something a lot of people will do to feel better about themselves is find someone else that’s worse off to compare themselves to. I’m going to talk about this later on next week, about how comparing ourselves to others in any way is damaging us.
I don’t find someone in a worse situation than myself and say, “Well, at least I’m not where they are”. I don’t find someone else that is larger than I am and say, “Well, at least I’m not as big as they are”.
Those are not encouraging thoughts about other people. I think that habit actually starts a cycle that you don’t need in your life. Again, my thoughts on this will come out in another article.
It’s ok when things aren’t ok…
What we all have a hard time with, is the thought that it is ok for things to not be ok. We want to project to the world around us that we are happy and fun all of the time. Instead of shaming ourselves when we don’t have it together, we should embrace it.
- Yup…I said embrace your mistakes and failures.
Those things are a part of who you are….the whole package. Does it suck? Sure. Are you being fair to those around you? Nope.
You need to embrace those things about yourself, but don’t stay there. It’s ok to admit defeat and feel crummy, but that is not where you should live. Wrap that party up and get back to life.
Check out my post about Learning to Like the Way You Look. I give you practical ways you can find yourself more attractive. This post is for men and women…because I think we all deal with body image issues.