Anal sex takes time for it to feel good for a couple, but it can be well worth it for some. I’ve been asked to share tips for anal sex and I’m going to give you some as well as address the, “Is anal sex ok” question.
Here’s the thing, I kind of didn’t even want to address this topic, because I know that there are a lot of people that find this sexual act offensive. Others think it is fine. But, what I have tried to do here at Love Hope Adventure is to just give you the information and you decide what you will do with it.
At the end of the day, the sexual choices you make are really up to you and your spouse. There are definitely some things that people do in their bedrooms that are against scripture, such as looking at porn or inviting others into their rooms.
Should You Have Anal Sex?
When it comes to anal sex, I think some people will say that it is wrong according to the Bible. I don’t personally hold that view and a lot of people done. But, I really think you have to figure that one out on your own. What’s most important is that anything you do in the bedroom with your spouse leaves you feeling good about yourself. So if this act doesn’t, then you should avoid it until it does.
Again, this is a decision that you and your spouse have got to make with one another. There is no way that I, or any other person can decide that for you. I’ve tried to give you the information you need it you were to decide to have anal sex.
You can check out this video I did on anal sex or read the post below.
I do want to give you some tips for great anal sex. Here is what you need to know.
1. You Need the Right Lube
It’s pretty important that you get anal lube like this one- Cleanstream Water-based Anal Lube 8oz. Unlike the vagina, your bum doesn’t produce lubrication. It’s pretty important to have a water-based lube that will not dry out as quickly.
There are some lubes that are supposed to work as analgesics, but seriously, I don’t know if I’d recommend that. If it’s hurting your booty, you need to know.
2. Condoms Are a Good Idea
There is all sorts of bacteria that you are going to come into contact with. Using a condom will protect your husband. It might also help with your comfort levels to have the smoothness of a condom. Go with a condom like this Trojan Condom ENZ Lubricated, 36 Count and not a ribbed one.
Also, using a condom can make this more comfortable for a wife. The ridges of her husband’s penis can be too rough. Smoothing out those ridges can be the difference between her loving anal sex and it hurting her.
3. Avoid Anal Sex If You Are Dealing With Hemorrhoids
This might be a no-brainer, but I thought I’d mention that if you have hemorrhoids that are current flared up or could flare up, you would be better off skipping this activity. Hemorrhoids hurt like crazy when nothing’s happening, so you’re going to be right much pain if you try this out.
Wait until your hemorrhoids go down before having anal sex. Just give your husband a rain check for when you’re feeling better.
4. Go So Very Slow – And Then Slow Down More
Anal sex requires going very slowly. Whatever you think is slow, slow it down even more. Many people do not engage in anal, because it is so painful for them. If it is painful, then you need to re-adjust or stop altogether. Believe me, you don’t want to cause damage to yourself down there.
This is actually one of the reasons that some of the bloggers I follow do not condone anal sex. They feel that the health risks involved are just not worth it. That is why I say it is really important that you go slow and quit if it is painful.
It can be helpful for you to tell your husband to stay still and you push back slowly onto his penis. Even once your spouse gets inside of you, he’s not going to be able to go very fast then, either. At least not until you loosen up over the course of doing this activity more and more. This is why people use butt plugs to stretch their anus.
5. Relax, Relax, Relax
You will have to figure out how to relax yourself. If you tense up during anal, it is going to hurt you and you won’t be successful. Tell your husband to slow down if you aren’t relaxed and wait until you’ve had a chance to regain your composure.
Likely, you’ll feel like you have to poop. It will only be natural for your muscles to push. Just keep reminding yourself to stay relaxed.
6. Use a Vibrator
Consider using a vibrator to stimulate your cliteros while having anal sex. It will help you to enjoy this position more. When you are stimulated, you have the ability to withstand discomfort more. It’ll also combat that feeling of needing to poop.
Here are a few vibrator choices from Married Dance that might work-
Married Dance has a pretty huge selection of vibrators. Whatever type of vibrator you use, you will need to be able to reach yourself. This will not be something your husband can hold in place for you, because all of his attention will need to be on what he’s doing.
Can You Have Anal Sex And Then Vaginal Sex?
One thing to note is that it is not recommended to have anal sex and then go to vaginal sex without cleaning up with hot soapy water. Spreading the bacteria from back to front can cause urinary tract infections.
Should You Wear Butt Plugs to Loosen Your Anus?
Well…you can wear a butt plug to help loosen your anus if you want to. Some say it is necessary to stretch out your bottom some, but other say it isn’t necessary. If you have never had anything up your bottom before, you might consider trying. This will help you know what to expect.
Do You Need to Use an Enema?
Here’s another one of those questions that have various answers. It would probably be for the best that you aren’t backed up if you are going to engage in anal sex. At least make sure you’ve had a bowel movement during the day at some point.
Some people will use enemas in preparation. I do not have experience with enemas. You just need to make the decision on your own.
Anal Sex Requires a Lot of Preparation, But Can Be Worth It
If you do want to try anal, it will take patience, communication, and a lot of time. Don’t think this will be something that you can just spring on your spouse. You’ll need to set up a night when you try and make sure you have all of the things needed.
It can be really rewarding, though, so if you’ve been thinking about trying it, then I recommend you put in the time and effort to figure it out. Come at it with the mindset that this can be an adventure and something you and your spouse figure out together.
13 comments
Bill
Me and my wife love having anal sex every night is that safe.
Keelie Reason
The general consensus is that if you do not have a history of hemorrhoids, use enough lube, and don’t allow yourself to feel uncomfortable, that it is generally safe. However, as I’m not a doctor, I would certainly mention this to your doctor and ask them.
Andrew Dedmon
I have some trouble seeing how a woman would get pleasure from a husband entering her butt. What kind of feelings could she have? My late wife and I did it some but my new one had a very bad expierence with her ex-husband and she felt dirty and trashy. He messed her up on a lot of sex actsas well as her self image.
Keelie Reason
There are nerve endings in your butt that are stimulated through anal sex. Not all women enjoy this, but there are plenty that gets very stimulated through this. I’m sure a lot of it has to do with mindset, anatomy, etc. Also, anal pleasure is something a lot of men enjoy because it stimulates them as well.
V.
Happy new year! It has been a fantasy of mine to try anal sex since forever. My wife and I have been married for close to 15 years, but she has refused to even consider it. This year, miraculously she told me that she may be potentially open to the idea. I immediately searched your blog for any tips. I am absolutely terrified of messing this up as you can imagine. Do you have any additional advice or a more detailed references? Two immediate questions that spring to mind are 1. positions: do we have have to use the doggy style position? I am afraid my wife would hate that. We almost never have sex in the doggy style position as my wife needs eye contact during sex (the few times we did it was with a mirror at a hotel, but that may be too much for our first time anal sex experience). I struggle to see how we could use a standard missionary position for anal sex. 2. You mentioned an unsavoury topic of bowel movements, I have no idea when my wife goes to the toilet. That is a very awkward topic to bring up and I feel like it could easily ruin the mood if I had to ask her if she has had a bowel movement as we are about to have sex. Those are the few questions that I came up with now, but any advice would be most helpful. Thank you for a fantastic resource.
Alan
Hello V. Perhaps you have conquered within the months since your post, but I wouldn’t be surprised if you have not. It’s a journey for many, not a sprint. I’ll share my thoughts from a couple that is relatively new, but now enjoying regular backdoor lovemaking. Understand from the beginning that the reality is you are talking about entering her rectum. There is no way to completely sanitize that, no pun intended. IMO, you cannot have the conversation where you are both comfortable trying the act and avoid all discussion of bowel movements. It has to be comfortable enough for her when you enter, and that is not going to be when she is full and feeling like she needs to go.
It may sound odd at first, but the openness and frankness has made my wife and I more open with each other. There aren’t very many people I could possibly wink and ask if they have pooped today, but my wife is now one, certainly the only one in this regard. Sometimes she has had a “rough day”, GI-wise, and we take a pass. We’re used to that from rimming each other, long before we ventured to anal sex. Oddly enough, she has used the toilet in pretty short order to us having anal and there has never been an issue. However, 75% of the time, she will use the toilet shortly afterwards and I think it’s all the lube. That said, she has offered me an encore even with bowel movements in between, so she hasn’t been that self-conscious. Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to get erect enough. You need a reasonably firm erection for rear entry.
Finally, for position I would suggest spooning. It will naturally limit how deep you can go, so you won’t overwhelm her. Once she is comfortable with your full depth from that position and letting you loose with no real discomfort, you can graduate.
Keelie Reason
great feedback, thanks for sharing!
Keelie Reason
Hi there! Thanks for writing in. As far as question 1 on positions, the easiest way to do anal as a beginner is in a doggy style position or at least from behind. I’ve read that you can do it in missionary or cowgirl, but I don’t really know how practical that is. She’s going to have to really spread her buttcheeks for you to get inside of her. And those two other positions don’t necessarily lean themselves to that. Maybe reverse cowgirl could get the right angle, but not sure. And for question 2, she needs to know that she’s going to feel the urge to push or poop when you enter her. You can always start with a butt plug or other anal toy so she can get an idea of what she’ll experience when you enter her. However, those toys are not usually as wide as you are, so it won’t be the full effect, but it can help her get an idea of what kind of control she will have to have. I also highly recommend using a condom and lube that’s designed for anal because it helps it feel more comfortable. Plus, is she is feeling like pooping, you don’t have to worry about that getting on you. Ultimately, I would put it on her to decide the time of day she wants to try because she’ll need to prepare herself. And that could mean having a bowel movement, cleaning herself up, or whatever it takes for her to feel comfortable. Also, one last tip would be it’s ok if you don’t orgasm through anal the first time or even in the first several times. Go into with that expectation because if it is too painful for her, then you all need to stop. You can still have the experience even if you don’t reach orgasm. In my article I mentioned she should put a vibrator on her clitoris, I stand by that. It’s going to help anal sex feel less painful to her and less uncomfortable. Hope this helps!
Chuck
Butt (sorry, I had to) this is only 1/2 of the story.
What about all kinds of anal play for the husband?
Like nipples, the anus has a lot of nerve endings that are very pleasurable. And it has nothing to do with being gay or wanting gay sex ….whether it’s only a finger or a vibrator or a dildo or a strap-on. sometimes just being touched in that area is extra intimate because it is usually off-limits and brings a new level of pleasure and intimacy for both partners.
Well written post by you – no matter what your thoughts are with regards to what I’ve written.
Keelie Reason
To reply to this, I did a full other post that has a few erogenous zones for a man and how a wife can stimulate them: https://lovehopeadventure.com/erogenous-zones-to-stimulate-on-your-husband/
Keelie Reason
Hi Chuck, thanks for the feedback! I haven’t actually done an article for anal play for husbands. I should add tips in here for husbands as well. That would make a lot of sense. 😀
Chuck
Well you have my email if you want to ask me any questions for your research.
By the way, again – very well written post. Well thought out, good options, you obviously did your homework.
Keelie Reason
Thanks so much!