Negotiating sex in your relationship is not a simple thing to do. One would think that something that brings so much pleasure shouldn’t cause such tension. Developing a vibrant sex life takes a great deal of effort, time, and attention.
Many years ago, I made an attitude shift that drastically changed my sex life. We had kids really early on in our marriage. I had two children under the age of 3, and I was exhausted. By the end of the day, I had no intentions of getting intimate.
My Struggle With Myself
For one thing, I smelled like vomit, sweat, and old food. Another thing, I was tired and didn’t feel like being groped and loved. For a while, I didn’t even feel sexy or have the energy to get turned on. I struggled to admit to myself, that I wanted sex. Which is more common than we think. But now, it was impacting me.
One day, I had a thought that revolutionized my sex life. A bit of backstory first. My husband and I had waited to have sex until the day we were married. We dated for five years, and for 3 ½ of those years, we stopped kissing completely.
Saving myself for my husband was very special to me. Having sex with him was something I looked forward to any chance we had. Being with him sexually gave me a lot of pleasure, but I had lost sight of things in those busy times.
The thought the revolutionized my life was that I GET to have sex. It was something I had waited for, and I could have it almost any time I wanted. My husband wasn’t going to turn me down if I went to him.
There were about two years where I didn’t have near the amount of sex that I could have been having. During those early child-rearing years, having sex was about the only thing that made me feel like an adult. Most of the time, I just felt like a babysitter or maid.
My New Mindset
When I changed my mindset about spending time with my husband intimately, it brought us closer together. I suddenly had the energy to pursue sex in a way I had never done. It was crucial to me that we were together physically as much as possible.
I encourage you that if you are saying “no” more than you are saying “yes,” you should consider changing your mindset. Being with your spouse sexually is a bonding experience that unites you. Sex is one area of your life that you shouldn’t allow suffering.
When you let your sex life suffer, it causes the rest of your relationship to go downhill. Every time you orgasm with your spouse, you are releasing a bonding hormone in the brain. It’s so important that you spend time having sex. It’s great for you. It’s great for them. And most importantly, it’s great for your marriage!
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