Earlier this morning, I was reading an article about initiation only counts if your spouse recognizes that you did. Jay Dee made some really great points in here. He’s not the only one that has received emails from readers that talk about how they initiate, but their spouse doesn’t respond.
I am with Jay on this one, I think that one person feels they have initiated, but their spouse doesn’t see it that way. Unfortunately, this leads to a lot of miscommunication between the two and may wind up in hurt feelings.
Why You Need to Initiate
Actually, I talked a lot about this concept on the Delight Your Marriage Podcast with Belah Rose. I shared on that podcast that initiating is very important in your sex life. Also, I gave many tips on how to initiate more.
For one thing, how horrible would it be for you if your spouse never initiated a conversation with you? You would feel that they are not interested in you, right? If the only time they ever talked to you was when you started a conversation, you would feel they didn’t really want to be with you.
If only one person is initiating physical intimacy, it will give them the impression that their spouse is really not interested in them. By not initiating with your spouse, you can give them the idea that you do not love having sex with them, even if you do enjoy it.
Subtlety Leads To Missed Opportunities
I talked about this on Periscope a while back. You can see the replay here on YouTube.
In this scope, I shared about how I had someone leave a comment on the blog about how they were trying to initiate with their spouse and they were rejected. Later on, they had a conversation where they realized they had both been trying to initiate, but sex didn’t happen, because of their subtly.
Like Jay said in his article today, you need to be bold with your initiating. Come right out and say it! Don’t beat around the bush, rather, voice your desires.
Be Bold With Your Initiating
When I decided I would start initiating more, I tried the subtle route. I’ll be honest, I’m not a subtle person, so all of my advances went right over Austin’s head. I’d put on sexy clothes, light candles, spray sex fragrances, or stand between him and the television to get his attention.
The big problem was, my idea of initiating was simply making myself available to him.
Since I had a history of saying, “can we do this tomorrow instead?”, he didn’t see my actions as advances on him. He might have thought I was interested, but tempered that, because he didn’t want to ask me for sex and get hurt again.
I had to get really bold with my initiating. It took time for me to be comfortable with that, but eventually, it became much easier for me. The more you do hard things, the easier they become.
Need some tips initiating sex? Check out this post I wrote with some ideas:
Keelie is a mother of three amazing boys and married to her high school sweetheart, Austin. She spends her days running R5 Website Management, taking care of the home, and investing in her children. In her spare time, she loves to encourage married couples to grow deeper in their relationship and find joy in their marriage.