What it’s Like to be Married to Someone Who Has Depression

Being married to someone that has depression can be a massive drain on the individual. The one that is going through depression needs a lot of patience and love. On the flip side of that, the one walking through the depression has a lot of needs as well.  

being married to someone depressed

Here are some of the ways that a spouse is affected by their lover’s depression. 

It Gets Lonely

Even if your loved one is in the same room with you, it is very lonely for you when they are in a bout of depression. That is not to say that they do not feel alone as well, because they do. However, it is their mental state that is driving the wall between the two of you. 

Your Patience Runs Out

When you have to deal with your lover’s highs and lows, it can be very draining. You start off feeling sympathetic toward them, but as the time drags on, you become impatient. It is hard to stay patient with someone that doesn’t seem to want to help themselves. And it’s hard not to be able to fix whatever is bothering them.

You Have to Pick Up The Extra Slack

In the midst of depression, a person will be unmotivated and incapable of performing at their usual level. They will struggle to get out of bed and will withdraw from the family. 

When you do not have your spouse helping you like you are accustomed to, it leaves all of the responsibilities to you. You will be the one picking up the weight for everything around the home and with the family. 

Resentment Grows 

Since your loved one has withdrawn from you and cannot help around the house, you will begin to feel resentment toward them. In turn, this makes you hate yourself because you don’t have the patience and love for your spouse that you think you should. 

Being married to someone that has depression can be very difficult. It is already hard to be married, but it can make things even worse when you add in mental imbalances. 

I know that has helped me to understand what we are fighting. If your spouse has never been diagnosed with depression but is showing all of its signs, you need to get them in to see a doctor. 

During these bouts of depression, you will need all the extra support you can get. It might be necessary that you go to counseling as well. This will give you someone that will listen to you and help you understand what your partner is going through. 

Understanding the condition will help you to fight against it with fervor. If your spouse is depressed, don’t give up on them. Eventually, they will come out of the low, and you will have them back. For a little while at least.  

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2 Responses

  1. My heart goes out to all people married to people with depression. It is a nasty illness that can strike at any moment and turn your loving supportive spouse into a lump of lead for an unpredictable amount of time.

    My wife had minor bouts with depression until our first child was born, when she went straight into the deep end for weeks (it seemed like months) and refused to see a doctor. After a couple of episodes like that, my mother-in-law, who had been a nurse, wound up having to have a word with the doctor about it behind my wife’s back when they went to a post-partum appointment. My wife eventually forgave her mother.

    Finding the right medication can be a difficult process and the side effects can be unfortunate. Furthermore, medication is not a cure-all, it just takes the edge off the depression and she learned how to cope with it from there by herself.

    Therapy was never in the cards, my wife is a very private person and refused to share her feelings with anybody, especially somebody who might take notes. Therapy wasn’t in the cards for me either because money was tight and my wife was unhappy about me potentially sharing information about her to strangers. But we had supportive families who served a similar role.

    Another great help has been time. Everything I’ve mentioned above happened 25 years ago and our relationship has gotten better and stronger. She still needs to take the pills (which have also gotten better over the years) but hasn’t fallen into the deep end of the pit of depression in a long time. The shallow end is another story but her visits there have been less frequent and have ended quicker as the years have passed.

    Now our youngest son has been diagnosed with depression and it is our turn to be the caring and supportive parents. God grant us strength…

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