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Can You Divorce Proof Your Marriage?

Know what I struggle with? When I see online programs that tout divorce proofing your marriage. I struggle with this because I feel like it is a slap in the face to those that are on the brink of divorce or just went through a divorce. It’s like saying, “If you had just done these 5 things then your marriage wouldn’t have ended”.

Can You Divorce Proof Your Marriage?

There isn’t some insurance you can buy to keep your marriage from failing. I have personally known many couples where one spouse was committed to the marriage and the other one wasn’t. If both people aren’t committed to the relationship, it very well may end in divorce. The only way for them to pull out is for them to have a heart change and get their heads back in the game.

Just Because Your Marriage Isn’t Perfect Doesn’t Mean It Will End

I think couples get really hung up on the difficult times in their marriage. They think that when they’ve got ongoing problems, it means they aren’t compatible. Actually, what it means is that they need to communicate better, swallow their pride, and work towards solutions.

I’ve been reading in the book, No More Perfect Marriages, that you should expect the right things in marriage. My mom always said that unmet expectations is the number one relationship killer. If you expect that your spouse will say, do, and think the same way as you, then you’re going to become more and more unhappy.

Expect The Right Things

We all give lip service to knowing that we aren’t perfect or that life isn’t perfect. I am not so sure that any of us want to deal with reality of imperfection, though. Not having a perfect marriage is tough- really tough. If you cling to idealism in your relationship, you’ll never be successful.

In No More Perfect Marriages, the authors Mark and Jill say that you need to expect these things in your marriage.

Expect:

  • Conflict
  • Disappointments
  • To be annoyed
  • To need continuing education
  • To over communicate
  • To lose that love and feeling
  • To keep investing
  • To ask for help

These are great things to expect in marriage. One thing I would like to add is to expect it to be great. Marriage can be completely amazing and wonderful, just not every single day.

You can listen in on this video if you want to hear what else I had to say.

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3 Responses

  1. Really appreciated this post Keelie. Expectations are so huge in any area and marriage is no exception. The other thought that strikes me is that “Divorce proofing” your marriage seems like a fairly low target. It’s a bit like saying “How not to fail your exam.” I would rather focus my energy on how to bless and support my husband and have a great marriage, than get to the end and say, “Yay, we didn’t get divorced, I DID IT! Divorce-proofing focuses on fear, while seeking to be a blessing and to honour the Lord as far as I am able is focused on His Grace and strength. Thanks for the thought provoking post today.

    1. Agreed Ruth. I think that if our only goal in marriage is to get to the end and say that we are still married, we are missing out on the beautiful relationship that God has in store for us. I’ve known many people that stayed in unhappy marriages, just for the sake of saying they didn’t get divorced. I’m not saying you should divorce because you are unhappy, I’m saying you should figure out how to have a great marriage! Thanks so much for your input. 😀

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