Know what I struggle with? When I see online programs that tout divorce proofing your marriage. I struggle with this because I feel like it is a slap in the face to those that are on the brink of divorce or just went through a divorce. It’s like saying, “If you had just done these 5 things then your marriage wouldn’t have ended”.
Can You Divorce Proof Your Marriage?
There isn’t some insurance you can buy to keep your marriage from failing. I have personally known many couples where one spouse was committed to the marriage and the other one wasn’t. If both people aren’t committed to the relationship, it very well may end in divorce. The only way for them to pull out is for them to have a heart change and get their heads back in the game.
Just Because Your Marriage Isn’t Perfect Doesn’t Mean It Will End
I think couples get really hung up on the difficult times in their marriage. They think that when they’ve got ongoing problems, it means they aren’t compatible. Actually, what it means is that they need to communicate better, swallow their pride, and work towards solutions.
I’ve been reading in the book, No More Perfect Marriages, that you should expect the right things in marriage. My mom always said that unmet expectations is the number one relationship killer. If you expect that your spouse will say, do, and think the same way as you, then you’re going to become more and more unhappy.
Expect The Right Things
We all give lip service to knowing that we aren’t perfect or that life isn’t perfect. I am not so sure that any of us want to deal with reality of imperfection, though. Not having a perfect marriage is tough- really tough. If you cling to idealism in your relationship, you’ll never be successful.
In No More Perfect Marriages, the authors Mark and Jill say that you need to expect these things in your marriage.
- To be annoyed
- To need continuing education
- To over communicate
- To lose that love and feeling
- To keep investing
- To ask for help
These are great things to expect in marriage. One thing I would like to add is to expect it to be great. Marriage can be completely amazing and wonderful, just not every single day.
You can listen in on this video if you want to hear what else I had to say.