Today, I wanted to welcome Felice on to share about his view on communication in marriage. He’s a fellow marriage blogger and he writes about communication through a Biblical lens.
Here is what he has to say-
No type of relationship is free of problems. Marriage, is no exception. Communication is the tool, God has given His creations, to be able to seek solutions, in the midst of those problems.
I love how Pastor John Macarthur describes marriage, “marriage is an earthly example, of a heavenly union.”
The earthly example of marriage, here on earth, represents the heavenly union of Jesus and the Church.
What does that have to do with communication in marriage?
I’m building up to it, give me a few more sentences.
Jesus, a triune being, was sent, by God the Father, to ‘communicate’ to the world, His will for His creation.
Jesus, ‘communicated’, His truth, to the church, who then ‘communicated’ His teachings to the world.
Communication is the means, God created, to relay messages. If God himself used those means, being a perfect being, who are we, as imperfect beings not to see the importance of communication.
Especially, communication in the most important type of relationship possible on earth. The relationship between a husband, and wife.
Let me simplify it further.
Wives, imagine not being able to ‘relay information’ about your husband leaving the toilet seat up! (every husband’s dream)
Husbands, imagine never having your wife ‘relay’ information about how she feels. You have to always guess, with no cues from her. (I can imagine divorce rates would shoot up)
Being a better communicator is vitally important because, what we think, feel, want, or don’t want, care about, or don’t care about, needs to be shared with your spouse, and communication is how we are to do so.
What Exactly Is Communication?
I’m not trying to insult your intelligence.
Imagine your wife, telling you that she loves you, and you say absolutely nothing.
Many times, silence, is one of the greatest forms of communication.
“You have the right to remain….silent…anything you say, can, and will be used against you….”
Silence while being arrested is pretty awesome. (ahem, not that I would know.) You would be surprised how many people, on a basic level, don’t understand how to give a simple answer to that question.
Let me attempt to.
By communication, I simply mean, “sending a message.”
Whether you send that message verbally, or non verbally, you are sending a message.
“Wait! What?! What do you mean by sending a message non-verbally? Do you mean like sign language?”
3 Easy Communication Tips In Marriage
Here are three easy tips for better communication in marriage:
1. Facial Expression & Tone
Are they matching? If you are truly sorry for a mistake that you made, make sure that sincerity is reflected on your face, and in your tone of voice. By tone I mean, HOW you say it. Let your spouse hear the emotion of regret, or sorry in your tone, while looking at the regret and sorry, on your face.
Do that, as opposed to simply saying sorry with your words to stop the argument, while showing frustration on your face. Do you see how that last example, doesn’t match?
2. Body Language
I’m sure you have heard of how much body language accounts for communication. While the percentages of how much verbal communication is outweighed by body language vary, most researchers agree that body language communicates more.
Relationship communication requires an atmosphere that isn’t volatile, judgmental, and that is open and transparent. Make sure your body is communicating that.
3. Repeat Your Understanding
Everyone has their own mind. Everyone responds to similar situations, in different ways. No fingerprints are alike right? Imagine, emotional ‘prints’. The same words can often have different meanings to your spouse. Instead of making assumptions, listen to understand. Then, repeat what you think your spouse said, to verify the message.
Communication in marriage is complicated. It is impossible to be cover the depths of this topic effectively in one article, one book, or one seminar. improving the way you communicate is an ongoing process.
To get more tips on this topic, be sure to check out my blog Marriage Sharing, where I focus on helpings spouses, and spouses-to-be communicate fairly and respectfully the Godly way.
Felice Mathieu is a Christian Speaker Poet, Communication in Marriage Coach, and Author of, A Christian Marriage Guide: Preventing Arguments and Promoting Unity in the Christian Marriage. After losing all of his immediate family at a young age due to murder, or illness, Felice became obsessed with relationships and passionately and obsessively studied them for over 20 years. From panel discussions, to interviews, from a hobby out of personal passion to a pursuit of a Christian counseling degree, Felice has dedicated his life to helping spouses solve problems related to poorly communicating in a marriage. Poor communication is easily the #1 problem in a marriage, and Felice helps spouses develop the skills necessary to communicate as one, by learning to come UNION cate, the Godly way.