Dear Stay at Home Mom That Wishes She Could Go To Work

dear stay at home mom

Dear stay at home mom that wishes they could go to work,

I know it seems like going to work would solve so many problems. You could earn money your family desperately needs. Without your kids around, you might have the chance to feel like you accomplished something. There would be a chance you’d get some adult conversation in a day. You might even walk away feeling validated after a hard day’s worth of work.

It would solve some problems…

…but it would just as quickly create new ones. I’m writing to tell you that I understand where you are coming from. I’ve been a stay at home mom to my three boys for 8 years. I feel you when you say…

All you want is to have a “real” job…

…you know the kind that gives you a paycheck at the end of the week? One where you get to feel important and receive praise for your hard work. Not the thankless kind of job where you slave the days away for seemingly nothing…you want the kind that actually counts for something.

Everyone will tell you that staying at home matters….

….but you will never believe them. You will never believe that all the hours you spend at home wiping bottoms and cleaning house will really amount to anything. Instead, you feel that you are wasting your time and not making anything of yourself.

Some moms with “real” jobs will tell you how envious they are of you…

…and you roll your eyes. If they really knew what it was like to be home all day with 2 foot tall, ranting and raving human beings, then they wouldn’t feel the same way. After all, if you had the chance to take on a paid job, you would take it.

Other employed moms will tell you they could never stay home….

…and you think, “neither can I, but I do it anyways”. You just can’t afford the cost of daycare for multiple children. Then you wonder what kind of job they have that they can afford to pay for childcare. Or you may have chosen that the carrier you could pursue needed to be put on for a while.

You dream of when your kids will go to school…

…and swear you will get a job, but then you start worrying. What will you do when your kids are sick and can’t go to school? Who will stay home with them? Can you actually afford summer care? What if you can’t find a job, because you haven’t been employed for so long?

You get interrupted by your child when they come in with a poopy diaper….

….and you are drug back into the here and now. You get snapped back into the reality that you won’t have a “real” job anytime soon. There is nothing you can do about it. All you can do is get back to life as usual.

One day, it will happen…

…something will click in your mind and you will know that the years of staying at home was actually worth it. It won’t happen when your kids are in diapers or when you are pulling playdough out of their hair. Years and years will pass by before you get that first payday.

It won’t be a big payday…

…but a small trickle of rewards to come. It will be just enough of a boost in the arm to keep you going for a little longer. With each payday, you’ll put the pieces together and start to understand the job you have is a “real” job.

You have a “real” job…

…because the people in your life are real. All of the things you do in a day have to get done by someone. It doesn’t make the task any easier, but it does give validation to you on the days you feel like you are going nowhere fast.

There will come a moment when you realize…

…all these frustrating years may have been worth it. No one can make you understand the impact you have on the world around you as you stay at home day after day. No one will convince you that the way you have spent your years wasn’t a waste of time.

Instead, you will slowly arrive at the conclusion on your own…

…that you made the right choice when you decided to give up your own pursuits for a while to raise your babies. With each bean dinner you make and coupon you clip, you’ll be thankful that you have chosen to be home when your kids get off the bus.

…and then you’ll be a little more sympathetic toward the mom who’s juggling a job and raising children, because she doesn’t have another choice…


*
**just so you know, I wrote this letter to take you through the process of my own thoughts while staying home with my children. It is not meant to make another woman feel bad about her situation. I hope that wherever you are in life, you will chose to accept it.***

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