Is Dirty Talk Ok In The Bedroom?


I just want to put this out here…I hate the using the words “dirty talk”. There is nothing about sex within marriage that is dirty and I hate referring to what goes on the bedroom as that. However, I know that this would resonate with a lot of people.

We like to call it a bedroom language instead of dirty talk for women and men. These are words that you and your spouse use with one another during times of intimacy. 

Jay Dee over at Uncovering Intimacy covered this topic very well in his book Introduction to Talking Dirty. He gives you a lot of examples of dirty talk.

Is Dirty Talk Wrong?

Here’s some of the points Jay made about words…they mean what we have determined they mean. Words themselves are not good or bad. What we do with our words and how we use them can either lift others up or tear them down. That’s why dirty talk can be great to use in your bedroom.

There are words that we have deemed as curse words in our culture, but there isn’t anything inherently wrong with the words. What is wrong is what we do with the words. If you are using your words to tear others down, be crude, or destroy, then your speech is wrong.

That doesn’t necessarily disqualify these words from your bedroom language. Many of the words that we consider to be cuss words are used to describe sex or body parts. Using these words properly in their context may be something that you consider if you both feel comfortable.

Why You Need to Develop a Bedroom Language

Austin and I are huge proponents of talking about sex before, after, and even during. Just for practical purposes, you need to decide what you are going to call your body parts. If clinical terms turn you off, talk together about other words you can use.

It can build intimacy with one another as a couple to have words and phrases that you only use with one another. This is an intimate language that you reserve for your bedroom. The words you use should be agreed upon so that you are both comfortable.

How to Develop a Sexy Language

In order to develop a sexy language, you and your spouse need to have a few conversations. I have a worksheet that you can download and print off to help you and your spouse develop your own language.

Bedroom Language Worksheet


Additional Resources

As I mentioned at the start, Jay Dee wrote a very practical guide for Christians to talk dirty. What I liked about the book is that he has 5 spice levels for the types of phrases you can use in your bedroom. Let’s be honest here, if you are not one to use foul language, it won’t be easy to do that with your spouse.

In this book, Jay walks you through everything from making noises to sexy talking during your time of love making. He does a good job of balancing the information you need while staying appropriate.

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