The other day I had the unfortunate privilege of overhearing a group of adults at the pool. They were talking about their sexual preferences. One of the adults said, “I’m just going to need a freak in the bed to satisfy me”. Nevermind my kids were right there. I shake my head sometimes at how trifflin’ people can be.
That statement got me thinking about this idea that our culture pushes that guys want a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed. I hate that concept, because I think it either makes you feel like your sexual desires are dirty- or it makes you feel like your spouse is a perv because of their desires.
I want to encourage you today that you can be sexually adventurous without feeling like a freak. Here’s how you get over those thoughts and start exploring with your spouse.
Is the Sex Act God Honoring Or Not?
Instead of telling yourself a sex act is a freak thing to do, ask yourself if it is God honoring or not. There are definitely things you can do sexually that are not God honoring. This is going to look different for everyone, but here’s a few things to avoid-
- Bringing a third party in the bedroom- whether it is a real person, fantasies of others, or porn
- Making one or both of you feel degraded or humiliated
- You have a spiritual conviction to avoid the act
- It hurts you physically
You don’t want to engage in negative sexual acts with your spouse. That won’t bring intimacy, which is the purpose of sex.
Fun Ways to Explore Your Spouse
Once you get the ideas out of your mind that you don’t have to be a freak to have fun, it is time to experiment with your spouse. Here’s a few fun ideas you might try-
Play a Sultry Game
Austin and I are big fans of bedroom games, which is why we have created several. We have listened to you, which is why we are always working on new games to share. Btw, there’s one in the works that we are currently working on.
Develop a Bedroom Language
We don’t like saying “dirty” talk, because we don’t think sex in marriage is dirty. But, having a bedroom language is both practical and sensual. A bedroom language is a set of words that you reserve for each other while being intimate.
If you need some help on coming up with what words to say to each other, you can check out the worksheet we created. It will help you figure out what you both want the other to say during sex.
Try a New Position
I know, I know. You’re probably pretty tired of being told to try a new sex position to spice things up. I get it. If you struggle to reach climax, sticking with that one position or rhythm is best for you. So, to get around not being satisfied by trying something new, I suggest you try more than one position.
It is ok to start with something new and then move around and end with what works for you. Otherwise, you can try reaching climax and then go into the new position if your spouse doesn’t struggle to get to that point.
My favorite resource new positions is Christian Friendly Sex Positions. The owner has worked really hard to create completely appropriate stick figures to help illustrate the positions. He also uses clean language.
Both Wear Lingerie
Getting dressed up for an intimate encounter can set it apart from the usual. There’s not a crap ton of stuff out there for guys to wear, but there are some lingerie ideas for dudes.
Guys might try-
You can really get creative on this one. If you get stumped, ask your wife to tell you what she likes. It’s a lot of fun for you both to get dressed up.
Spend More Time on Foreplay
Honestly, I think you end up shying away from foreplay, because they just aren’t doing the right things. Either, you are doing something that isn’t turning your spouse on, or they are doing things that isn’t working for you.
What happens is you end up giving up on it. You try a couple things and when it isn’t working, you don’t keep trying. You really need to do foreplay moves that will actually turn you on.
Hopefully you get some ideas on how to enjoy your time with your spouse without feeling like a freak. Be adventurous!
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