There was a time that I didn’t expect to have an orgasm every time I had sex. I realize that seems completely crazy for husbands, but many wives say they can take it or leave it. And that can be true. A lot of women say that the intimacy they experience is enough without orgasm.

The difficulty, though, is for a wife that decides ahead of the sexual encounter that she doesn’t want to orgasm, but ends up changing her mind too late and her husband is done. Setting the expectation ahead of time that you do want to at least try to orgasm can reduce that frustration. After you get started, if you decide you don’t want to orgasm, then you can tell her husband that you’ve had enough and you guys can finish up.

Not Orgasming Can a Lead to Frustration

Depending on the situation, a wife can be left feeling frustrated after a sexual encounter if she got really aroused right before her husband climaxed. Now, this is of course for women that can orgasm through piv sex. It could also be the case if she’s using clitoral stimulation during piv sex. But, ultimately, the frustration comes in when a wife wants to orgasm and she’s not given enough time to do that.

Most husbands want their wives to reach climax. So, at least having this discussion at the start of each love making session can let them know what to do to help you. I advocate that you should tell your husband you’d like to try, at least more often then not. You’ll likely reach orgasm more often if you do.

Sex is For Both People

Sex should feel good- to both people in the marriage. It’s important to remember that.

I’ve had wives reach out to me and tell me that they truly believe that sex is just for their husband. The culture has taught us for a long time that’s the case.

When sex only feels good to one person, it tends to move to the chore list for the one that’s not experiencing the high. And why wouldn’t it? If you don’t feel you are receiving any benefit from regular activity, it’s not going to be something you jump at the chance to do.

Doing dishes is my least favorite chore. I know the dishes need to be done so we can eat, but it’s not something I enjoy doing. It is what it is- a chore. Maybe a spouse knows that sex is something important in the marriage, but they have little motivation to do it, because it isn’t giving them satisfaction.

Resentment Can Come From Not Feeling Sexually Satisfied

Here’s the unfortunate cycle that many spouses get in. They struggle to orgasm, which leads to disappointment. They go into the next sexual encounter with less confidence, which makes them less likely to orgasm.

When one spouse is clearly having a wonderful time with a sexual experience, and the other isn’t- resentment tends to build. The spouse that isn’t reaching climax can feel left out of the experience.

For some women, no orgasm= no motivation.

Set The Expectations

I think that a wife has a good chance of walking away feeling really sexually frustrated when she doesn’t set the expectations. I hear from women readers all the time that they have a lot of sexual encounters that end up like this, but they have been taught that sex is just for a man. So…they essentially have to bite the bullet and deal with it instead of changing up the expectations.

Try Setting The Expectations to Orgasm Every Time

To reduce a wife’s frustration, the husband and wife need to expect that both of them will reach orgasm every time. When you both come into the situation with the mindset that you’ll do what it takes to get your spouse there, it makes a big difference.

Working together as a team takes place in the bedroom as much as any other part of marriage. If you both go into the situation with the same expectation, it helps you achieve your goals.

Here is a full guide to help women have their first orgasm and multiples.

Don’t Give Up

I say to the spouse that is struggling to enjoy sex- don’t give up. Now, I want to be clear that this advice is not for the wife that’s happy to have sex without orgasm. It’s for the wife that really wants this and feels frustrated when she gets excited and that need is not met.

In your intimate life, I hope you will try new things, keep working at it, celebrate your victories, and ultimately, work towards great intimacy.

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4 Responses

  1. Question: do you have sex and an orgasm every day?

    My wife and I try to make sex a daily habit, and we’re pretty good about it. But she just doesn’t feel like having an orgasm every day. I make sure she has an orgasm whenever she wants one, which is usually about three times per week. She enjoys the intimacy of sex whether she has an orgasm or not.

    1. Hey there, I do have orgasms every time we have sex, whether it is every day or spread out. Mostly what I am trying to address in this article, is that a lot of women don’t orgasm most of the time they have sex. They don’t expect to and that can affect their ability to reach orgasm, even if they feel like it as the encounter progresses. I didn’t always orgasm during our times of intimacy, but the minute I made up my mind to expect it every time, I was able to.

  2. The pressure for women to expect to orgasm every time is counter productive. She should orgasm when she wants to. Expecting to orgasm every time for me would really hinder my ability to experience pleasure, it would become goal oriented and a chore. It’s not just a case of ‘making my mind up’, it’s about how I’m feeling at the time. Sometimes, I just want to experience the blissful pleasure of intimacy when I’m not feeling up to all that work on orgasming. We don’t have to climax every time, we really don’t.

    1. I think I may have not made myself clear in this article. Ultimately, the idea is to set expectations ahead of time, but if you decide no, then you can say, this isn’t what I want after all. But, not setting the expectations ahead of time, can lead to frustration for some couples if the wife decides after all she does want to.

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