I was talking with a friend and I made a comment about funny sex.
“Funny sex?” he replied.
“Yeah, you know, when you’re cracking up about something during sex.”
“Is that a thing?”
A Variety of Flavors
I realized that there are different kinds of sex that you can enjoy with your spouse. You don’t always have the same mood in the bedroom. You don’t always come to intimate times with the same attitude or frame of mind. As a result, there are different flavors of sex. Now, every marriage is different, so there’s a virtual Baskin Robbins of varieties out there! I’m just going to cover some that we’ve discovered.
The first, most obvious flavor is the ol’ standby – vanilla. Vanilla’s gotten a bad rap, y’all. I hear/read people all the time (especially in movies and tv) talking about how boring their sex life is.
It’s just so… vanilla.
What’s wrong with vanilla? It’s a perfectly serviceable ice cream flavor. For that matter, maybe you’ve never had the right vanilla. Have you ever done a side by side taste test of generic Walmart brand, $2 for a gallon vanilla compared to Bryer’s premium vanilla bean? There’s no comparison!
Vanilla sex is your basic love-making session. Whatever your go-to positions and procedures are. You know that if you do A, B, and C, you’re both coming away satisfied. This, to me, is wonderful sex.
It’s predictable, it’s reliable, it’s consistent. Satisfaction guaranteed!
If you haven’t yet figured out what vanilla sex is for you and your spouse, I’d recommend doing so. Figure out what the easiest way for each of you to be satisfied is, and remember it. Don’t be afraid to fall back on something reliable on a regular basis.
We all know that variety is the spice of life. This includes your sex life. As such, there are more flavors to explore. Rocky Road is passionate sex. It’s the loud, raucous, curl your toes and clutch the bed sheets sex. Every now and then, you’re going to have an intimate time that is a little more aggressive, active, or passionate.
Scratch that – this isn’t “intimate time,” this is SEX. Yes, it’s intimate. Yes, it’s emotional. But mainly, it’s physical. This can be that big release you need after a period of stress or conflict, or maybe after a prolonged time apart. Make sure that you indulge in a little rocky road here and there. Just let go and have at it!
This brings us to the flavor that started the whole thing. Tutti-frutti is silly sex. This is the kind of sex you laugh during.
Yes, funny sex is a thing.
To some, this may sound odd, maybe even insulting. “I don’t think I want my spouse laughing at me during sex.” Two points here. First, I don’t necessarily mean laughing AT you, but WITH you. So, you’re moving around and her head bangs into yours. That’s funny! Laugh about it. You’re in the groove when all of sudden, your bellies make that poot sound that happens sometimes (that’s not just us, right?). That’s funny! Laugh about it.
Second, maybe your spouse IS laughing at you. You say something goofy, make a weird face, slip and roll off the bed. That’s funny! Your spouse SHOULD laugh at you. Well, as long as you’re both cool with it.
You should be laughing together as a couple often. If you are, and you remember that you’re on the same team and not out to get each other, then laughing in the bedroom should be totally cool. And it’s fun!
Ben & Jerry’s “Everything but the…”
Ben & Jerry’s is the best. And if you’re ever in the mood for a different flavor of ice cream, try their “Everything but the…”. It’s packed with stuff. Lots of new things.
Your sex life needs new things, too! This flavor is adventurous sex. It’s those times when you try something new – a new position, new location, new toy, new lingerie/whatever-the-word-for-male-lingerie-is.
Now remember, you’re gonna have vanilla most of the time. But make sure you treat yourself to some gourmet Ben & Jerry’s occasionally. And I mean that literally, special occasions are the perfect time for something new! Valentine’s Day, anniversaries, birthdays, National Donut Day, whatever!
This last one wasn’t even on my list until this week. I don’t know about you, but I love dark chocolate. Do you remember those Dove chocolate commercials where eating a small piece of their dark chocolate was like taking a quick vacation right in the middle of the work day? Yeah, that’s me.
Dark chocolate is emotional, comforting sex. It’s slow, it’s tender, it’s heart-felt. Not long ago, Keelie and I had several very heart-wrenching things happening in our life all at once. One night when we came together, there was just this outpouring of emotion that I don’t think we’ve ever experienced.
Sex can be a huge comfort to a hurting spouse. It can even be a way of bonding over a mutual heartache. This dark chocolate sex can be a wonderful way of serving your spouse.
On a side note: Jay Dee had some interesting words of caution about leaning too heavily on sex for comfort.
What about you? What flavors have you discovered? Share some with us in the comments.
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