Remember those days when you and your spouse were just getting to know each other? The little glances and smiles. The subtle laugh-so-hard-I-touch-your-shoulder move, even when the joke wasn’t remotely funny. Gravitating towards each other at a party. Sitting close on the couch when there’s obviously enough room for you both.

Are those things still a part of your marriage? They should be. Flirting is that signal to another person that you’re interested in them. It’s a subtle, maybe even unconscious way of saying, “I’d like to spend more time with you.”

It’s a shame that this often fades from the relationship after the honeymoon. Maybe it’s because the chase is over. “I already caught her, I don’t have to pursue her anymore.” “I got my man, I don’t have to draw him in anymore.”

The chase is never over


In reality, the chase should never be over. Relationships are proactive things. If you’re not moving forward, you’re stagnant. Stagnant relationships tend to start moving backwards. As a result, you should be constantly pursuing your spouse. Emotionally, intellectually, physically, sexually – the chase continues.

Flirting can be a great way to keep this chase alive. Remember, flirting says “I’m interested in you.” If you’re still interested in your spouse, show it! Flash that how-YOU-doin grin. Find lame excuses to reach out and touch them tentatively.

Flirting 2.0

The great thing about flirting in marriage is that it doesn’t have a brick wall you’re going to hit. Flirting usually leads somewhere. Couples committed to not having sex before marriage have a stopping point. That red line is different for every couple, but at some point you have to put on the brakes.

Flirting for married couples doesn’t have a stopping point!

If giggling leads to shoulder touching leads to long hugs leads to making out leads to caressing leads to clothes coming off leads to sex… great! At no point do you have to say, “Whoa! We gotta slow down.” Unless the kids are around. Then, yeah, hold your horses till bedtime. Other than that, go for it!

Flirting is like foreplay to foreplay

If foreplay leads up to sex, flirting can lead up to foreplay. The great thing about this is that it prolongs the whole experience. It builds anticipation and excitement. It can turn physical intimacy into an all-day thing.

Anticipation is a great tool in your intimacy toolbox. When flirting has been going on for a while and escalates, it results in a huge release at the end. Sure, there’s vanilla that’s always good and satisfying. Every now and then, it’s great to have that explosive time together than can only result from lots of build up.

Flirting keeps the relationship strong

Flirting is proactive. It’s intentionally going after your spouse. You can’t flirt and NOT keep a certain spark alive. It can build friendship. It will remind you and your spouse that hey, we like spending time with each other and want to continue to do so.

Pursuing one another makes you THINK about one another. You’ll be thinking about how much you like their eyes, their laugh, their jokes, their conversation, etc.

Flirting in marriage is just fun!


So yeah, flirting can lead to things and it’s healthy for your marriage. But, flirting in marriage can be an end in itself. It’s just plain fun! It’s exciting. It makes you feel young.

There’s a reason that some teenagers are just flirty by nature, for good or ill. It’s an entertaining activity. It gets the bonding hormones flowing. It can even diffuse tense situations. Getting on each other’s nerves? Try giving that smile and watch them melt.

I’ve tried to pepper in some actual flirting techniques/actions here, but it’s based on our experience only. What do you do in your marriage to flirt? Got any tips for the rest of us? Are there other benefits? Let us know in the comments below!

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4 Responses

  1. I try to flirt, but my wife kind of brushes me off. Like, I will come from behind and grab her boobs. She takes her hand and removes mine. I want to give a 15 sec kiss and all she will accept is a peck.
    Now in bed she grabs me and strokes me up to an hour. Oral is on the plate and we have fun for an hour or two. But even in bed she won’t let be touch her boobs much.
    So, I have a question. We are told by many sources that women like to be touched and sexually aroused by the touching their breasts. This is not true of my wife. Is my wife an anomaly? or is this just men’s incorrect opinion? or are there times that women are sensitive there? How are husbands to know without being told?

    1. All women are different Mike. There are many women out there that do not like to have their breasts touched. It could be that they feel sensitive due to swelling or other discomfort. Or, it could bring up past memories of sexual abuse or sexual harassment.
      To be honest with you, I don’t know very many ladies that respond well to their spouse coming up behind them and grabbing their breasts or any of their erogenous zones. I know that this is very exciting for men, but women don’t tend to react the same way.
      Your best bet in this situation is to ask your wife what she does like and when it is a good time to do it for her. I’ve had to really train myself over the years to not push away Austin’s physical affection towards me when I’m trying to get things done. I know movies always show men grabbing ahold of the woman and she just lets herself go in passion. This isn’t really true to life though. Austin has had to learn to not grab me while I’m trying to cook dinner, because I can’t relax and enjoy it. I have a fear that the food will burn. I’ve had to learn to not brush him off when he stops me for hugs or kisses when I’m not doing something that is urgent. It is a real struggle. We have had a lot of conversations about it and helped the other person understand what the other needs.
      I suggest you have a lot of conversations with her about the things you are asking here. Ask her if she likes breast play. Ask her why she doesn’t. Ask her what she likes instead. Ask her how can you flirt with her during the day without being a bother. Let her know your intentions of flirting. She may not see it as flirting. Help her understand.
      Hope that helps!

  2. Sensual foreplay that appeals to your wife may go a lot farther than groping her breasts. After all, doing this to her body if a selfish action for your pleasure. Start doing everything possible to stimulate her as she needs to be affected.
    Consider asking her (as Keelie suggests) what she finds arousing. Mike, you may find that what excites her does nothing for you, and that’s OK.
    Another suggestion is to determine why she reacts instead of responding to your hands?
    Keelie is right on target, “ask you wife what she likes.”
    I write a newsletter for husbands to become more romantic in the manner their wife desires any advances from her husband. Keep following Keelie but ck us out as a second source!

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