Remember those days when you and your spouse were just getting to know each other? The little glances and smiles. The subtle laugh-so-hard-I-touch-your-shoulder move, even when the joke wasn’t remotely funny. Gravitating towards each other at a party. Sitting close on the couch when there’s obviously enough room for you both.
Are those things still a part of your marriage? They should be. Flirting is that signal to another person that you’re interested in them. It’s a subtle, maybe even unconscious way of saying, “I’d like to spend more time with you.”
It’s a shame that this often fades from the relationship after the honeymoon. Maybe it’s because the chase is over. “I already caught her, I don’t have to pursue her anymore.” “I got my man, I don’t have to draw him in anymore.”
The chase is never over
In reality, the chase should never be over. Relationships are proactive things. If you’re not moving forward, you’re stagnant. Stagnant relationships tend to start moving backwards. As a result, you should be constantly pursuing your spouse. Emotionally, intellectually, physically, sexually – the chase continues.
Flirting can be a great way to keep this chase alive. Remember, flirting says “I’m interested in you.” If you’re still interested in your spouse, show it! Flash that how-YOU-doin grin. Find lame excuses to reach out and touch them tentatively.
The great thing about flirting in marriage is that it doesn’t have a brick wall you’re going to hit. Flirting usually leads somewhere. Couples committed to not having sex before marriage have a stopping point. That red line is different for every couple, but at some point you have to put on the brakes.
Flirting for married couples doesn’t have a stopping point!
If giggling leads to shoulder touching leads to long hugs leads to making out leads to caressing leads to clothes coming off leads to sex… great! At no point do you have to say, “Whoa! We gotta slow down.” Unless the kids are around. Then, yeah, hold your horses till bedtime. Other than that, go for it!
Flirting is like foreplay to foreplay
If foreplay leads up to sex, flirting can lead up to foreplay. The great thing about this is that it prolongs the whole experience. It builds anticipation and excitement. It can turn physical intimacy into an all-day thing.
Anticipation is a great tool in your intimacy toolbox. When flirting has been going on for a while and escalates, it results in a huge release at the end. Sure, there’s vanilla that’s always good and satisfying. Every now and then, it’s great to have that explosive time together than can only result from lots of build up.
Flirting keeps the relationship strong
Flirting is proactive. It’s intentionally going after your spouse. You can’t flirt and NOT keep a certain spark alive. It can build friendship. It will remind you and your spouse that hey, we like spending time with each other and want to continue to do so.
Pursuing one another makes you THINK about one another. You’ll be thinking about how much you like their eyes, their laugh, their jokes, their conversation, etc.
Flirting in marriage is just fun!
So yeah, flirting can lead to things and it’s healthy for your marriage. But, flirting in marriage can be an end in itself. It’s just plain fun! It’s exciting. It makes you feel young.
There’s a reason that some teenagers are just flirty by nature, for good or ill. It’s an entertaining activity. It gets the bonding hormones flowing. It can even diffuse tense situations. Getting on each other’s nerves? Try giving that smile and watch them melt.
I’ve tried to pepper in some actual flirting techniques/actions here, but it’s based on our experience only. What do you do in your marriage to flirt? Got any tips for the rest of us? Are there other benefits? Let us know in the comments below!
Austin and Keelie have been sharing life together for nearly two decades. In that time they've gone from high school sweethearts to a family of five.
Austin loves making Keelie and the boys laugh whenever he can. Occasionally he writes things.