I’m sorry. That’s all I can say. I tried. I tried for years to fix it for you. Years. I’ve spent hours on my knees, praying for you. Hours. I’ve counted the minutes between every painful blow in your marriage. Minutes.
There have been days I’ve beat my head against the wall- looking for the solution. Where is it? The solution. Is it inside of you? Is it inside of someone else? Do I have it?
I thought I had the solution. Every time I had a chance, I gave you my solutions. It didn’t work. The problems were still there. One step forward. Two steps back. Three steps back. I stopped counting.
What about God? Oh God. I have cried out to Him on your behalf. Not just once. Not just twice. Dare I say 100 times? At least. Where is He?
I’ve mourned with you. I’ve mourned for you. Sorrow. Crying. It’s still not fixed. Rivers of tears. We cry together.
You know it’s coming. I feel it, too. You struggle. Cry. Beg. Pray. Curl up in a ball. I mimic your every move. It’s over.
Reality. Pain you didn’t know existed. Denial. This can’t be happening. It is. I’m weak. You’re weaker. It’s just too much. I keep praying.
Alone. I’m right here. I never left. You’re still alone. God is right here. He never left. You’re still alone.
Redemption. A break in the pain. New beginnings. Old habits. More determination. This time it will be different. Won’t it? You hope. I hope.
You’re through the worst of it. It still doesn’t make sense. You feel God again. I feel Him, too. He never left. You see that now. I see it.
Each day is a new day. You live life. No regrets. Take nothing for granted. Don’t hold back. Say “I love you”. Embrace every moment. I mimic your every move. It’s just beginning.
Keelie is a mother of three amazing boys and married to her high school sweetheart, Austin. She spends her days running R5 Website Management, taking care of the home, and investing in her children. In her spare time, she loves to encourage married couples to grow deeper in their relationship and find joy in their marriage.