How to Feel Turned On By Your Spouse

how to feel turned on withyour spouse

Last week, I didn’t manage to write a single post that addressed sex. How did that happen? I guess I’m just branching out a bit and addressing other things that have to do with marriage.

Today, I want to talk with you about something that has been weighing on my mind. This week, I was confronted with a Christian blog that took me by surprise. I won’t list the blog here, because it wouldn’t be edifying to you in my opinion. I know I felt like trash after starting to read one of the posts.

Striking the Balance as a Marriage Blogger

I think there is a fine balance that I have to strike as a Christian blogger. I want to give you ideas of how to make your love life more romantic and exciting. On the other hand, I don’t want to say things that will make you walk away feeling like I did after reading that other blog.

I’m sure with good intentions, the couple wrote very explicit posts about their sexual encounter. In my opinion, that is no different than watching porn. I got way too much information about what was going on in their bedroom.

Since I am a sex blogger, I’ve read 100 posts on how to get in the mood, increase your libido, or spice up your life. Want to know the top things they say?

  • watch porn together or alone
  • spend time on solo sex
  • read erotica
  • role play with one partner being dominant and the other the submissive

I just want to throw things at the computer when I read garbage like this. Seriously people? Is this as creative as you can get?

*Disclaimer- I do want to preface this and say that everyone has a different past. Some people have been abused or had other bad experiences that makes certain sex acts feel very uncomfortable. If you are in that boat, just know that you are not alone. Through prayer and time, you can experience more freedom in your sex life. Also, if you feel bad reading what I have suggested, I send my deepest apologies.

Let’s Get Creative

Today, I want to give you some things you can do to get hot with your spouse. I hope you find something on this list that will help you. Just so you know, I’m kind of going in an order of progression.

Hang in there with me until the end. I try to make these posts really simple for you to skim, so skim down if you need to.

Think About Sex With Your Spouse

Fantasizing about your spouse is a great thing to do in general. You should be building anticipation for the times to come. Some people do not give themselves the permission to think about their partners. Others might get too busy in a day, that they don’t put any energy towards it.

Flirt Throughout The Day


This is another way to build anticipation about having sex with your spouse. If you will send flirty texts, emails, or have short phone calls, this will help you build tension even when you aren’t at home.

I’m known to send flirty texts here and there. It is always something fun to do with Austin.

When you get together, the flirting can increase throughout the night. The more privacy you have (meaning when kids go to be) the heavier the flirting.

Wear Something That Makes You Feel Sexy

When you feel sexy, you will act sexy. The sexier you act, the more confident you will be in the bedroom. Find something that will help you to feel good about yourself.

It always helps me to get in the mood if I take a few minutes putting into my look. I always need something that helps me make a mental switch. Everything I do in a day happens in my home for the most part. So, dressing in clothing I only wear around my husband can be a help.

Feeling sexy is a great turn on for both of you. When you are confident in how you look, you will act more confidently.

Create The Right Environment

Environment has a lot to do with how you feel, which is why I work very hard to keep my bedroom clean. If it is a mess, there is no way I can feel relaxed. I have to be able to mentally switch hats from being house cleaner, to lover.

There are a lot of ways that you can enhance the environment and help yourself feel turned on. I like to play soft, relaxing jazz music like the YouTube sound track below.

I also use aromatherapy by burning candles, or spraying fragrance around the room. Jasmine is an essential oil that can be used as a natural aphrodisiac. You can put a few drops on your neck or behind your ears. I like to burn the oil in a diffuser.

Get A Good Look At You And Your Lover

There is a reason that porn makes it to the top of the list on a lot of those articles I read. It is very stimulating to look at sexy images. To keep your marriage God honoring, you should focus looking on you and your spouse.

Spend time looking at one another with the lights up enough so you can see. I’m all for the right lighting. Too bright and it distracts me…too dim and I can’t take it.

You can spend time standing in front of a mirror and looking at one another caressing each other. Pictures are a good idea also. I know that some people do not want to do the picture thing, because they are worried about people seeing them.

Good thing we have digital cameras on our phones where we can delete the pictures immediately. If you are really worried, just use the Snapchat phone app. It doesn’t store the image on your phone at all.

Use Your Bedroom Language

I talked about the importance of developing a bedroom language with your lover. It is one more way that you can relate to your spouse in a way you do not relate to others.

If you want to feel really turned out with your spouse, you need to talk to them. Don’t be quiet during love making. Use your words to guide and direct. Share with them how their actions are making you feel.

Women tend to struggle to keep their minds engaged during love making. Talking can help them to stay focused on the feelings they are experiencing. This is going to take some practice and time to get down.

Spend Time Orally Pleasing One Another

We don’t always have time in our lives to have a 2 hour love making session, but when you have time, you need to spend it on pleasing each other in a lot of ways. Orally pleasing your spouse is a great way to get turned on yourself, and help them feel turned on.

When your partner is orally pleasing you, make sure you are looking at them. This will heighten the experience.

Engage in a Bedroom Game


Everyone always says to invest more time in foreplay. I’ll come right out and say it…I lack creativity in this department. That is why I’ve spent a lot of time creating different bedroom games like:

Sexy Truth Or Dare

Couples Picture Dare

It’s Getting Hot In Here

Kiss Me I’m Irish

All of these couples bedroom games take the guess work out of foreplay. It gives you direction and an end goal.

Make a Recording

Now, I know what you are thinking…I don’t want to end up like those people on the movie “Sex Tape”, which I have never watched btw, and I suggest you don’t either. However, we are all concerned that if we video ourselves, someone else will end up finding it.

That is true, if you tape yourself, there is a chance someone may find it. That is why a lot of people delete recording after they are done.

If you feel too shy for videos, consider recording an MP3 of your time together. Save the recording and play it one night that you really want to spice things up. You will definitely feel turned on by the sounds of your and your spouse making love.

Try a New Position

The key to getting really turned on during sex, is to be active and do things out of the usual. Trying out a new sex position is a good way to keep you focused on what you are doing and from becoming slack.

I know what you are thinking, figuring out a new position to try is awkward. Yup, it is. The great thing about it, though, is that it gets you talking to your lover.

Check out this Christian Friendly website that will give you instructions for new sex positions. You won’t be faced with porn or inappropriate images. I really appreciate these guys for putting together this website.

Christian Friendly Sex Positions

Bring In Aids

I know some people are against sex toys, but if you aren’t, this is a good way to feel turned on by your spouse. A lot of people do not want to go into a raunchy store to look at stuff. I get it. You can actually buy some mild toys like vibrators and rings in pharmacies.

Personally, I like Married Dance, which is an online retailer for sex toys. What I appreciate most about them is that they do not promote any toys that are unsafe. Also, they do not sell toys that have porn images on the packaging.

This is my affiliate link, so if you purchase something, I’ll get commission. Just want you to be aware if you decide to buy something.

Married Dance

Write a Sexy Story

This is not my idea, I’m snatching it from El Fury over at Married Christian Sex. He and his wife Sexy Corte have some really awesome ideas to spice up the night. I really appreciate them and the effort they put into building up marriages in and edifying way.

You can check out instructions for the sexy story idea HERE.

A lot of people read erotica to get themselves going. I think erotica is just as bad as porn. However, writing your own sexy story, or telling a sexy story is a good idea.

Read A Good Article About Sex

Notice that I say to read a good article about sex. At the start of this post, I told you I encountered a blog that was way more than I bargained for.

You should stick with bloggers that do not write erotica. Again, I think that is not healthy or edifying. However, I follow along with some great bloggers that write about sex tips.

J over at Hot Holy Humorous

Jay Dee over at Sex Within Marriage

El Furry over at Married Christian Sex

Gaye over at Calm Healthy Sexy

Paul over at The Marriage Bed

Thinking about sex and reading helpful articles that will give you permission to experiment with your lover is really helpful.

These are just a few of the ways that you can really feel turned on when you are making love with your spouse. With these ideas, you can build a closer emotional and physical intimacy with your lover.

If you have any ideas you would like to chime in with, be sure to leave them in the comments section.

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5 Responses

    1. I know! It was a misspelling and my husband told me that the other day when I couldn’t get to the computer. I will fix it now. 🙂

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