There’s basically two kinds of guys – those who feel really good about the way they look, and those who DON’T lie. Alright, some guys are confident in their looks, but a lot of us aren’t. A lot of us need to be told/reminded. Wives, you have a critical role here. You have the awesome opportunity to build up your husband’s self-confidence about his looks. This will impact him and your marriage in countless ways.
Find Him Attractive
If you’re going to help your guy feel attractive, you have to be attracted to him. During his series in the Song of Solomon, Mark Driscoll taught that husbands and wives should make their spouse their definition of beauty. If she has a big nose, you’re into big noses. If he has gaps in his teeth, you think that’s the cutest part of his smile.
You married a brunette? Guess what? You don’t like blondes.
Decide in your heart that you are going to accept your husband as he is, flaws and all, and find him irresistible. One way to approach this is to consider who your man is, and realize that he’s packaged a certain way. Think of the non-physical qualities that draw you to him. Those are wrapped up in the skin he’s in!
Tell Him You’re Attracted
There’s a lot that could be said here about Chapman’s Five Love Languages. Do you notice him complimenting you a lot? Does he come right out and say “I love you” pretty often? These could be indicators of one of his love languages. Maybe your husband needs words of affirmation, maybe not. But telling him he’s attractive can’t hurt either way!
Tell him when he looks good. Tell him your favorite clothing that he wears. If your man struggles in this area, give him positive reinforcement. I recently started wearing ties again on Sundays because of the reaction Keelie gives me when I do.
Tell him specifically what you like about his body. His hair? His arms? The way he smiles? His butt? His stride when he walks? His chest? He’ll get fired up hearing what fires you up!
Point out those things when you can. Send him a text saying you can’t get his eyes out of your mind. Leave a note on his pillow. Use your bedroom language when appropriate and tell him exactly how hot you think he is.
Show Him You’re Attracted
Words are good for the self-esteem. Actions are even better! Remember those parts you listed earlier that rev your engine? Grab one! If you don’t already have a robust habit of touching each other throughout the day, try it. Smack his butt while he’s making his coffee. Sneak a kiss and hold his arm firmly as you linger.
Show him how attracted you are by looking at him. Make googly eyes at him over dinner. Let him see you look him up and down. I can tell you, when Keelie is looking at a part of my body, I notice! Sometimes I’ll think, “is there something on my face?” for about a second. Then I’ll realize she’s smiling and think, “Heeeeyyyyy. Like whatcha see darlin?” Yeah, I’m a cheeseball.
Lastly – flirt, flirt, flirt! Everything I’ve listed so far is flirting in some respect, I suppose. Whatever flirting is for you, do it! Girls don’t flirt with guys they’re not attracted to. (Right? I have that right, don’t I ladies?) So, when you flirt with your husband, he will take note. And listen, you don’t have to be coy or subtle about it either. You’re a married woman for crying out loud! The will-he-won’t-he phase of the relationship should be in the past, so flirt with confidence and gusto.
These are all ways that I’ve benefited from in my marriage. My amazing wife has helped me have the confidence I have today. These certainly aren’t all the ways. What about you, ladies? How do you help your husband feel attractive? Guys, what would you add to my list?
How to Feel More Attractive
This article is part of a series that Keelie is writing here on the blog. She asked me to give wives some tips on how they could help their husband feel more attractive.
If you want to check out the other posts in this series, please feel free.
What a Couple Can do to Feel Attractive Together
Learning to Like the Way You Look
Be on the lookout for one more article in this series about how men can help their wives feel attractive.
If infidelity has struck your marriage, this topic may have an added layer of complication. Check out an article I just wrote addressing this touchy subject called:
Loving Your Spouse After an Affair.