How Flirting Can Benefit Your Friendship in Marriage

how flirting can benefit your friendship in marriage

I started a series a while ago about developing a vibrant friendship with your spouse. Of course, I started out talking about how getting your sex life under control is a great place to start.

In the next part of the series, I want to move out of the bedroom relationship and into other aspects of your relationship. Today, I’m talking about how flirting can benefit your friendship in your marriage.

Flirting is Important to Your Friendship

The friendship you experience with your spouse is a very different kind of friendship than you have with others. For example, it’s not appropriate to flirt romantically with other people, but it is important to flirt with your lover.

I’d say that doing this is the next step to building a better friendship with your partner. This is a great way for you to have fun with your husband or wife. Like sex, being flirtacious in a romantic way is one of those things you get to share with your lover.

What is Flirting Anyways?

Definition wise, this is to behave like you are attracted to someone or like you want someone to feel attracted to you, but in more of an amusement sort of way rather than serious. In marriage, I think that the intentions are more serious though. I’m not saying that all flirting should lead to immediate sex, but it can lay the groundwork for later on.

When I think of flirting with my husband, I think of romantic flirting. I call it this, because I think some people equate picking with this action. I make a distinction between the two types of interactions. Picking is something I can do with any of my friends, and the latter is something I only do with Austin.

This type of romantic behavior can include kissing, sexual touching, whispering sweet things in each other’s ears, and so on.

What’s The Difference Between Picking And Flirting?

I came from a long line of people that pick on others. Seriously, my dad and brother’s love language is picking. They pick on me, their wives, their friends…the waitress taking our order…there is a lot of picking that takes place.

To me, picking on or with someone isn’t always flirting, it’s mostly picking. I’m not as a big of a picker as others in my family, but I have definitely been know to pick on the people in my life. This includes my family and friends; not so much the waitress taking my order.

Not sure what this behavior looks like?

I’ve been known to attack my friends with water guns when they walk out of church. Sometimes I lightly push or punch a friend for something they say.

Other times, I’ve been known to point out a quirk the friend exhibits in a joking way. And yet at other times, I’ve been known to prank the people around me, such as saran wrapping their car or pushing them into a pool.

I realize I sound like a brat…and I probably am.

Making the Distinction

I want to make the distinction between these two types of interaction for this reason, they serve different purposes in your friendship with your spouse. Picking is that thing that you can do with others, and romantic flirting is the thing that you should only do with your lover.

Actually, Austin and I have fun picking on one another sometimes. The rule is, as long as it stays fun for both of us, we engage. The moment one of us shares that it isn’t fun, it stops. After that point, it just becomes meanness.

I think there is a place for both picking and flirting to make the friendship in your marriage flourish. Anytime you can have fun with your partner, you should engage.

In your marriage friendship, you can use flirting to catch the attention of your partner. These actions are a great way to have fun with your mate. Isn’t that part of being friends? Having fun together?

Any way that you can have fun with your lover, it will benefit your friendship. Getting the attention of the other person in a romantically flirty way is exciting. It will also keep those butterflies fluttering around in your stomach. Flirting can be a very endearing part of your relationship.

The Key is Both Have to Respond

In order for this to be a fun part of your relationship, you both have to play along. If one person is trying to pick or be a romantic flirt, and the other person doesn’t play along…it will do you both no good. It will be seen as rejection, not fun.

Sometimes, you might not be in the mood for playing of any kind. That is understandable and you have to clearly communicate that to your lover. Pushing them away physically or verbally will kill the mood and make them feel less willing to try again in the future. 

I can be quite a bit of a touch me not. When it comes to picking and my husband trying to get my attention in a romantic way, I can be a grouch sometimes. For me personally, I’ve had to really work on playing around with him and having fun. 

It Brings Commonality

Since Austin and I do not have a lot of common interests, playing around has been something we can do together that is fun. We struggle to come up with things that we can do that we both enjoy and help us to connect. 

These types of fun interactions are simple and we don’t even have to go anywhere to do it. We have to both be willing to pick or flirt and accept the other person’s interactions with us. 

What Are Ways I Can Flirt With My Spouse?


Yes, I do flirt with Austin, but I’m not sure I’m the best at coaching something like this. I know what I do to get his attention…mostly it involves walking by and pinching his butt. 😀 Seriously, though, I have so few flirty moves.

Although, I have been known to send a flirty picture like the one here.

Probably, I have more than I realize, but I’d have to document what I do for a few weeks so I can come up with a list. (sounds like I have a project)

Actually, I’m a lot better at picking in my relationship than I am anything else. I’m sure it has a lot to do with how I grew up.

Since I basically have no flirting skills, I’m going to bring in some other awesome bloggers who have insight into the subject. I should definitely do some of the things on these lists myself. Maybe I can up my game a bit.

Sheila over at To Love Honor and Vacuum writes 16 Ways to Flirt With Your Husband – I def like the suggestion about letting my husband chose my underwear for the day.

Over at Stupendous Marriage you can find Lots of Ways to Love Your Spouse

The Dating Divas put together 101 Ways to Flirt With Your Spouse– I love these ladies, they totally rock!

Tammy over at Married and Naked shares Four Things We Should Say More Often

J over at Hot Holy and Humorous gives you 20 Date Nights You Can Do At Home– which is going to lead to lots of flirting opportunities.

Hopefully some of these posts will give you some great flirting resources. I promise that sometime in the near future, I will sit down an brainstorm some ways that you can flirt with your spouse other than pinching their butt….although…that is my fave.

The Goal is to Have Fun

Whatever you decide to do in order to flirt with your spouse, make sure you are having fun together. The whole purpose behind the flirting is to build fun into your relationship. 

We can get so bogged down in life by doing the normal day to day stuff. When you commit to finding ways to flirt with your lover, it boosts that fun and excitement immediately. It leaves you longing for more connection and intimacy.

Being friends with your lover is very important for the longevity of your relationship. If you reduce it down to a business relationship, then things will fail. 

If you have any great ideas for flirting with your lover, leave me a message in the comments section so we can add it to our resources. 

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4 Responses

  1. Thanks so much for the fun post and for the links to other great posts!

    This is such an important part of a happy, healthy marriage. It keep the marriage young, fresh, and alive.

    Thanks for the encouragement. I pray you will have many more years of a blessed marriage.

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