How to Develop a Bedroom Language And Why You Should

how to dirty talk

There are so many things that go into developing an amazing love life with your spouse. Today, I want to talk to you about developing a bedroom language and why it can be important to your sex life. 

What is Bedroom Language?

You’ve no doubt heard of dirty talk before. One of the biggest reasons I didn’t title this article with dirty talk in the headlines, is that I wanted you to hear me out before you shut down the article. 

I’m not suggesting that anyone go against their morals and principles when it comes to their speech, even behind closed doors. However, I think that you and your spouse get to decide what words you reserve for the bedroom.

Don’t get scared here…I’m not about to fill this page with raunchy words and phrases. I am going to talk to you about why it is important to develop a bedroom language with your lover. 

Why is it Important?


Since I am a writer, language is very important to me. The same is true for my husband. We are language nerds and words hold deep meaning for us. It is only natural that we would develop a language that we reserve for one another. 

I think that when it comes to intimate moments, you should set apart as many things as you can for your lover. For example, I have been known to have certain perfumes that I only spray during sexy times. Also, I have many outfits and clothes that I only show my husband.

There is something endearing and special about only doing something with your spouse.  Developing a bedroom language can be very special for you and your partner. It’s like getting a tattoo that only your lover will see…or engraving something on the inside of your wedding band. You and your lover know it’s there, but the rest of the world doesn’t.

How to Develop a Bedroom Language


Like I said, my husband and I have our own set of words and phrases we use in the bedroom. This is our language that we reserve for each other. For that reason, I’m not going to give you a list of words you can try in your own bedroom.

Instead, I encourage you to go to your lover and ask them what words turn them on. You should think about what words spark your sexual interest as well. All of us think about sex or intimacy when we hear certain words or phrases.

It doesn’t have to be anything that is raunchy or inappropriate. Shoot…if saying the word butter makes you feel hot, then say it in the bedroom. (It’s butta baby…you know I had to).

We’ve also developed a worksheet to help you along the way.

Take it Slow

Once you and your spouse have come up with some words, then try using one or two the next time you have sex. Don’t go at it like gang busters. You need to start slow and work up your confidence.

If you aren’t accustomed to talking at all during sex, this is going to really stretch you. Like anything in the bedroom, only do what you feel is comfortable. If you want to take away words or add words later on, then talk with your spouse about it. 

Be sure that you are in agreement about what your bedroom language is. It is always good to talk about new things ahead of time, so that no one gets caught off guard. 

Now, I don’t expect you to tell me all of your secret words in the comments. However, if you want to share your feelings about bedroom languages, then please leave me a message. I’d love to hear your thoughts. 

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13 Responses

  1. We have a name we use for a specific spot on her body. It’s fun to have something we share that we can use in public and no one is the wiser. That little bit of public naughtiness adds a bit of spice and can be fun mental foreplay.

  2. We have a code for when either of us are in the mood. We simply say, we’re in the mood for pumpkin soup. It was a silly suggestion that stuck. It’s something we can use in front of the kids or in public and the secret makes the lead up all the more fun! We have words we only use in the bedroom too but I think I’ll keep those secret!

    1. that’s super cute. 😀 I bet one day your kids are going to go, “why do you love pumpkin soup so much”. Lol

  3. Help me was asked by my man for bedroom language really never new what it is,if you can help with what you know that can help,words to use during sex

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