How to Increase Desire and Get in the Mood

If you are in a healthy marriage, you probably understand the importance of sexual intimacy. With busy schedules and raising families, intimate encounters can get lost in the shuffle. You have to be intentional about spending time with your spouse.


Focusing on Sex Can Be a Challenge


Focusing your attention on physically pleasing your spouse can be a challenge. It is a lot easier to make sex a priority if you are in the mood. More often than not, I have to intentionally prepare myself for a romantic night.

There are a lot of ways to feel sexually aroused. Some ways are beneficial to your marriage. There are also other means that can damage you and your spouse.

 You can read my post HERE about how duty sex can damage your relationship. 

Porn is used by many individuals and couples to increase desire.


Plenty of couples use pornography to stimulate their minds. A lot of people say it is a healthy way to enhance your time together. On the contrary, this outlet creates a lot of problems in any relationship.

The fantasies you see playing out on screen are just that, fantasies. This is not a realistic picture of a love life. It can breed resentment from one partner or the other for not being able to meet the unreasonable standards.

Anything you do that will cause your spouse to feel unloved should be avoided. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that viewing other naked people or sexual acts is healthy for you.

What are Healthy Ways to Feel Sexually Aroused


Becoming aroused can be achieved in many healthy ways. I can’t give tell you exactly what will help you feel ready for intimacy, but I can give you some helpful ideas.

Physical affection is a sure fire way to get you in the mood. How often have you gotten done with foreplay and didn’t feel ready to take it further? The problem is when you don’t feel like engaging in physical intimacy.

For many, getting in the mood has to start during the day. You don’t have to be around your spouse to desire sex.


What I do to prepare myself to for a romantic night ahead of time.


For me, romance has a lot to do with atmosphere. I’ve made a conscious effort to create a romantic environment in my bedroom. Aside from keeping it clean, I have decorated in such a way that I feel romanced.

There are two strands of white lights buried in sheer curtains that hang over my bed. Soft lighting helps me feel calm and relaxed. Also, there are plenty of candles ready to be lit. We keep battery operated candles next to the bed.

Instrumental jazz music is another great way to help me feel ready. I’m also partial to certain fragrances. Men’s cologne can be a huge turn on. I burn candles that put off the right scent.


Focusing Thoughts on My Husband


During the day, I purposefully think about my husband. This can range from innocent thoughts to more intimate ideas. You should be fantasizing about your partner. Daydreaming about the night to come builds anticipation and excitement.

I also try do something that shows him I love him. Whether it is making a special dinner or sending a random text during the day. It can be as complicated as I have time for.


Flirting Puts Both of Us in the Mood


It is very important to me that I flirt with my husband when he gets home. It helps me feel ready for a romantic night. Not only that, it makes him feel loved.

Think back to how you flirted with one another during dating days. Remember how your heart used to skip a beat when you brushed your loved ones arm? Or how you stared into their eyes right before you kissed?

Flirting with your spouse is a great way to feel romanced as well as romance the other. Everyone has a different idea of what being flirtatious looks like. You have to define that for yourselves.

Foreplay Builds Sexual Desires in Both People


Maybe you do not have a lot of time to devote to intimate encounters each time. It is ok to skip out on the foreplay sometimes, but it shouldn’t be ignored. Those moments can be what your daydreams are made of.

A satisfying sex life is comprised of many aspects of your relationship. It isn’t just the physical act, but everything that surrounds it. Fantasizing, flirting, and foreplay go a long way in helping you feel satisfied.

These are some of the methods that work for me. You have to figure out what works for you. If the thought of admitting you have sexual needs causes you to feel embarrassed, then that mindset should be addressed.



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