I’ll be honest here, I have no idea why my husband and I work together. If you know us outside of the blog, then you will know we are very opposite in just about every way. Our personalities are opposite as well as our interest in things.
We are living proof that opposites attract and that it can work well. Sure, there are some really frustrating and annoying parts to being married to someone that is your opposite, but for the most part we balance each other out.
Being friends with your spouse is not an easy thing. This is why I’m starting a series of blog posts that will address how to be better friends. Today I want to address how your sex life can be used as a springboard into a deeper friendship.
Start With Physical Intimacy
If you are struggling to enjoy things together as a couple, the best place to start is the bedroom. I know that for women, this might be a bit harder because they normally need to feel mentally connected to their spouse to have sex. However, you have to start the cycle somewhere.
You can check out JayDee over at Sex Within Marriage has to say about the cycle of sex.
When you experience orgasm, it releases a bonding chemical in your brain. You feel closer to your spouse and more in love with them. For that reason, I say working on your physical life together is a good place to start with becoming closer friends.
Connect in the Bedroom
Whether or not you and your spouse have many shared activities you enjoy, being together physically can be one of those activities that is highly beneficial to you both. This is literally the only activity that you can experience with your spouse and no one else.
Sure, you and your spouse can go for runs together, but you can do that with your other friends, too. However, friends with “benefits” is frowned upon when you are married….unless of course the friend is your spouse. 😀
Now, before I go on, I want to be clear that connecting in the bedroom is not merely just having sex. That actual act of going at it takes a very short time. To really connect in the bedroom, you need to add in foreplay and bonding activities.
Again, remember your spouse is the only person you get to do this type of activity with. It is a very special aspect of your relationship.
Find Ways to Bond More During Physical Intimacy
I don’t have a step by step instruction guide of how to bond during sex. For the most part, that has to be figured out between you and your spouse.
One thing I enjoy is couples bedroom games. I’ve put together several games with free printables that you can check out.
These games are all foreplay games. They tell you exactly what to do with each other. I’ve enjoyed these types of games because it gives me more confidence. Coming up with something sexy to do on the spot is never easy.
You and your partner need to figure out ways to make sex last longer. If bedroom games aren’t your thing, then find something that is. Whatever you do, make sure you are intentionally prolonging the time on a regular basis.
By regular basis, I mean as close to weekly as possible. If you were investing in some other activity together, you would do it on a weekly basis. Am I right?
Resources to Help You Go Deeper With Intimacy
Building intimacy in your marriage is a difficult thing to do. Starting in the bedroom is a great place. However, some people do not know how to take it to the next level.
Here are some resources that may help you out with bonding during these intimate times.
J over at Hot Holy and Humorous writes about 3 Barriers to Communicating With Your Spouse About Sex
Gaye over at Calm Healthy Sexy writes about Essential Oils and Sensuality
Tammy over at Married and Naked writes about 5 Sexy Date Nights That Will Heat Things Up
Hopefully some of these articles will help you to figure out ways to bond more during physical times.
Where to Go After You Bond in the Bedroom
After you really figure out how to bond during sex, you can start working outside of this time to develop a closer relationship with your partner. Since you already have this shared experience, it will make it easier to desire doing things together. The more you feel connected to your lover, the more you will want to know them.
Taking it to the next level is going to take intentional efforts just like you have done with developing a better sex life.
In this series I will talk about:
Steering Your Conversations
Developing Separate Interests
I will continue writing posts that address ways to keep your friendship alive in your marriage. I hope you will join me on this journey.