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What I Would Say About Intimacy if I Didn’t Have a Filter

what I would say about intimacy if I didn't have a filter


Recently I read an article over at Hot Holy & Humorous, which is a wonderful blog by the way. J wrote a post on things she would say about physical intimacy if she didn’t have a filter. I told her how much I loved the post and thought I’d join in on the fun….or awkward conversation….I guess your reaction will really depend on your personality.

If you know me at all, you will know I have very little filter when it comes to anything. Of course, I don’t run around telling the world my opinion of being physical with your spouse, but if given half a chance I will say exactly what I’m thinking.

Since there isn’t always a platform for me to say what I’m thinking about sexual intimacy, here is my unfiltered thoughts….mostly. 

1. Why is it when a couple wants to change things up in the bedroom, there has to be tie ups and eye masks involved?


Seriously people, is the best creativity you can come up with? Besides, once I have him bound and blind, then what? That is where the real creativity has to come in. By that point, I don’t need the eye covers or cuffs.

I was talking to my husband about this the other night. We were talking about how complicated people make it when they want to change things up.

Honestly, most of us don’t focus enough on foreplay during intimacy in general. I think if you want to make things spicier in the bedroom, then you need to do more kissing and touching.

That is why I put together a few bedroom games. There isn’t anything special about these games. Basically, it just outlines…do this and then that. You know what though, it’s changed things up in my bedroom, plenty.

You can check out these two. Both have free printables to make it easier on you.

It’s Getting Hot in Here

Couples Truth or Dare

2. When girls say that they would rather eat chocolate than be intimate, I want to throw a book of positions at them. chocolat-au-lait-suisse-495753-m

If anyone can honestly say they would rather eat chocolate than have intercourse, I’d say they aren’t doing it right.

Am I right? Can I get a holla from those ladies out there that love to experience the excitement of climax? If that is you, then you know you would give up chocolate for the rest of your life if it meant you could keep being with your spouse intimately.

I’m not really suggesting a picture book of positions here, because I have honestly never actually read one. A brief scan of the pictures is enough to tell me I am not flexible enough for those positions…for real. My point is, that if someone actually feels like this, then they need to try something new.

Seriously though, if I had to choose, then I’d say eat chocolate while being intimate. But for the love… don’t give up physical intimacy.

3. When I hear a spouse say that they are ok with being with their spouse out of duty, my first thought is, “You’re lying”. My second thought, “You’re crazy”.

On principle, I’m not against this type of intimacy, per se. However, if that is what you are ok with on a regular basis, you have problem. It is time to get your hormones checked and see if your libido is off.

It could also be a state of mind that is keeping you from wanting to be intimate. A lot of couples deal with a lack of intimacy in marriage.  Others have a hard time admitting they have physical needs, which can also keep you from desiring intimacy.

Or maybe there is an emotional problem you are dealing with. Either way, it isn’t normal or good to have a steady diet of intimacy out of obligation.

4. I Have no Idea Why Anyone Says That The First Time They Were Physically Intimate Was the Best They’ve Ever Had.

When I hear that concept in songs, all I can think is that I must have been a loser the first time I had intercourse. Was the first time memorable and special? Oh yeah, but I don’t want to re-live it again…ever…

It was hard to be intimate the first time. Neither one of us had a clue of what we were doing. It was the furthest thing from the best sexual experience I have ever had. Anyone that is hoping for the experience they had the first time they had intimacy has clearly not matured in their sex life…for real.

5. I Wish Married People Would Invest as Much Energy on Physical Intimacy as They Did When They Were Single.


I don’t know about the rest of you guys, but I spent a lot of time thinking about physical pleasure when I was a teenager and into my college years. I also spent a lot of energy keeping myself from being in positions that would cause me to mess up and become physically involved with my boyfriend.

Sure, I know a lot of people do not have a problem being physically intimate before getting married. I have to believe that there was a lot of emphasis put on having physical intimacy early in the relationship.

There was a period of time when I had a one year old and was pregnant. During that point, getting physical was more of a chore. Who could blame me right? No one feels hot when they have a bowling ball in their stomach. Not to mention, the amount of sleep deprivation I was experiencing left me feeling exhausted at night.

One day, I woke up and thought, “You know, I spent a lot of time and energy thinking about intimacy during the years when I wasn’t able to be intimate. Now that I can be intimate, I’m saying no. What is my problem?”.

After I had that realization, I decided that I’d not only stop saying no, but I would start initiating more. This was part of the married dream, and I wasn’t pursuing it.

These are just some of my brutally honest thoughts about the subject. What are your honest thoughts? I’d love to hear about it in the comments below.



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21 Responses

  1. “One day, I woke up and thought, “You know, I spent a lot of time and energy thinking about intimacy during the years when I wasn’t able to be intimate. Now that I can be intimate, I’m saying no. What is my problem?”.
    After I had that realization, I decided that I’d not only stop saying no, but I would start initiating more. This was part of the married dream, and I wasn’t pursuing it. ”

    This is the one that sums it all up !
    Thank you for saying this !

  2. Hey, good chocolate is better than bad sex….and when you are married to Mr. Gatekeeper Vanilla Unteachable, it can be a sanity saver. I love my husband and have tried talking with him about our sex life, encouraging, seeking counsel, etc, and he isn’t nudging much, so our sex life is pretty bland. Yes, I do indulge in chocolate when it gets to me.

    1. Yeah, you are absolutely right. In cases like your situation, you have to find ways to cope. I definitely wasn’t talking about men or women that want to have sex, but are being denied. I would suggest you check out this article about some reasons your husband may not want to have sex very often. Sheila, at To Love Honor and Vacuum always has great insights into what might be going on.

      I pray that you and your husband find satisfaction in one another. Negotiating the marriage bed is so difficult between couples. I know that sexual tension is often the top of the list when it comes to fighting and frustration. I would definitely keep working with your husband and don’t give up.

      1. Yes, I have read it and every other article out there on it. He drew his line in the sand and I am quite sure it will literally take an act of God before he budges.

        1. Wow, I’m so sorry to hear this for you and your husband. I know I can’t possibly begin to know the struggles you are having. All I know is that God cares for you and your problems. Truly, I’m praying for you tonight that you will have peace

          1. Thank you. One thing it does is helps me to talk to refusing and limiting wives and urge them in our own girl talk language to extend themselves to their husbands sexually. My hurt as a woman is something they understand. When they see their husband’s hurt translated through my hurt, it can open their eyes.

          2. That is amazing that you have the ability to get to the heart of women that are refusing their spouses. What a difficult thing for you to go through. I’m glad you are finding a way to help others in the midst of your struggles. What an amazing woman you are.

  3. I couldn’t believe I had missed subscribing to your blog. I thought I had done that months ago. I’ll comment on this in a bit.

    1. you know, I didn’t always have a subscribe feature. I tried to get a subscribe feature, but wasn’t sure if it was working. Let me know if it works. 🙂 That would be helpful information.

      1. Well, for starters, you don’t have the option “Notify me of new comments to this post.”
        I did not get notified of your reply to this post. Also, in my WordPress “Blogs I Follow”, your blog does not show as one I follow. This may just be specific to me OR WordPress, but it could be a problem originating from your side. As it is, I will have to wait for you to do a new post beyond March 5 to find out. I will again click the “new post” check box. We shall see. The only reason I know you posted this reply is I saw your blog as a referring site and came to check what I had said that caused someone to click through to my blog. If you have replied to any of my other comments or asked a question, I may never know.

        1. Also, unless you moderate every comment all the time to hold trolls in abeyance , even though I have already commented and been approved once before, the above comment and no doubt this one are being held captive in moderation.

        2. Yeah, I’m still trying to figure out what to do with this plugin I installed for the subscribe feature. I’ll have to figure it out soon. 🙂

          1. I just checked my WP “Blogs I Follow” and found I am following you but get no email or reader notifications of new posts. I finally followed you by adding your url, not clicking the “Notify me…” check box.

          2. sigh…someone is going to have to help me. Thanks for the info. I’ll pass it along to someone that knows what in the world they are doing. Thanks for keeping me up to date.

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