I’m finding peace in my losses. There are parts of my life that are no more. There are relationships I once had that are forever changed. I’ve lost babies. I’ve lost dogs. I’ve lost friends. I’ve lost jobs. I’ve lost dreams.
But, I’ve had new babies. New friends. New dogs. New relationships. New jobs. New dreams.
There’s nothing that will replace what I’ve lost. In fact, I don’t want to replace the things I’ve lost. I think if I were to consider what I have now as a replacement for what I used to have, it would devalue those things and people.
I haven’t known what to do with my feelings towards the losses. Sometimes I want to rationalize that it’s good that the losses happened, because now I’m where I am today.
The problem with replacing those losses would be that I would feel I’m giving up a part of who I am. I don’t want to give up the memories- both good and bad, of what I once held dear. Just because those things aren’t part of my life anymore, doesn’t mean they aren’t part of my DNA. It’s those people and life experiences that made me who I am.
I accept the past is the past.
I can look back on those things with happiness and joy that I once had the chance to hold them. I can also feel sorrow that I’ll never have those things again. Both are legit emotions that I NEED to feel.
Instead of seeing those losses as something to be ashamed of, or angry I no longer hold, I can choose to remember them for what they were.
I can be excited about the future.
When I’ve lost things that are important to me, it’s made the future look very gloomy. I haven’t been able to imagine moving forward without the person or life circumstance I have clung to. It makes it hard to see the hope of the future in those moments.
I’ve lost valuable relationships this year and parts of my identity, which has made me feel very sad. There are new people coming into my life and many changes, that I know will become important to me. I know I’ve put up walls in this area, because I am not interested in replacing what I lost.
This week, I turned a corner in the way I think. I’m realizing that what I lost can’t be replaced, and it shouldn’t be. But, I know God has given me ways to be comforted by other people and through life changes.
I don’t have to see new relationships and new circumstances as a threat of wiping out the memories of the old life I had. I can see these people and experiences as a gift from God, for such a time as this.