Lights On Or Off During Physical Intimacy?

Lights on or off during physical intimacy

I’ve been talking about developing a good body image on Periscope for a few weeks. During one of the scopes, I was talking about why I’m choosing to celebrate my stomach. It’s no secret that I deal with body image issues. I don’t know anyone that has zero problems with the way their body looks, so I know I’m not alone in this.

During that scope, someone asked me if I keep the lights off during sex because of my body image issues. Maybe that is a TMI question, but it is valid and I like to answer as many questions as I can.

Yes- I do keep the lights on during sex, even though I struggle with body image issues. I’m not sure how you can get over your body image issues if you aren’t ever naked around your spouse with the lights on.

A Case For Keeping the Lights On

I think there are many couples out there that cut the lights out for a number of reasons. Maybe they are ashamed of sex and feel it has to be done under the covers- in the dark- silent as ninjas. It could be they have body image issues and don’t want their spouse to see them naked.

I’m not saying there isn’t a single legit reason to be intimate with the lights off, but I personally think it shouldn’t be the norm.

If you have followed me for long, you’ll know that I try not to tell people what they should or shouldn’t be doing in their marriage. My goal with Love Hope Adventure is to get you to think through things and come to your own conclusions.

Here are some of the biggest reasons that I think you should consider turning the lights on during love making.

You Can Look Into Your Lover’s Eyes


How can you look at your spouse while making love if the lights are off? Even if you don’t keep your eyes open the whole time, you are going to look at them at least a little. Don’t you want to see your spouse being completely and wholly pleased by you?

Seeing What is Going on Is A Turn On

If you have a hard time keeping your mind in the game, it really helps to see what’s going on. Even if you can’t see everything, you can look down and see something. Properly placed mirrors are also helpful.
Seeing you and your lover intertwined can be a huge turn on. It gives you both something to think about later on when you are daydreaming of one another.

Trying New Things Is Possible

I’m able to see pretty well in the dark, kind of like a cat, and even I can’t try new things in bed when the lights are off. Call me a klutz or whatever, but it is impossible to navigate into new positions when you can’t see what you are doing.

It is a lot of fun to try new things with your spouse. Lights on makes those things a lot more exciting- and feasible.

You Develop an Appreciation For What Your Body Can Do

love your body

When you can see what your body is capable of, you develop a much deeper appreciation for it. You can see the way your spouse looks when you please them. You can see the positive reactions going on with both of your bodies.

Personally, I think there are a lot of great reasons to keep the lights on while being intimate. I know that there are a lot of people out there that struggle with body image issues. They want to keep the lights off so they can hide. That is not going to boost your confidence in the slightest.

Instead, you are going to further convince your mind that you are not attractive and have no chance of being attractive. The more you see your naked body, and see it in action, the more positive you will feel about yourself.

I’m not saying you should be able to bounce out of the bathroom stark naked and make love if you aren’t used to it. However, I do highly encourage you to take active steps to feeling more comfortable undressed in front of your spouse.

Be sure to check out the tips I wrote about feeling more comfortable undressed.

Feeling Comfortable Undressed With Your Spouse

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4 Responses

  1. I love to see her in her glory and see the look on her face when she is climaxing, it’s the most beautiful thing in the world. It’s very rare we do it in the dark, but when we do I imagine how she looks.

  2. A reason for leaving the lights off that wasn’t mentioned in this article is: If the husband can’t perform if the lights are on. My husband is only able to have sex with me if the lights are off. I know this because he has told me so. Previous “ED” issues (for about 5 years) were actually because the sight of my body turned him off. I have since lost a lot of weight, went from a size 12 to a 4, but now, because of the weight loss, there is some loose skin on my stomach that he is turned off by. I want the lights on, want to play, want to look in his eyes, experiment – but because of my body, it’s 5 minutes in the dark and it’s over. And that’s after being turned down completely by him many times. I’m so frustrated. I want to like my body, but how?

    1. That is so devastating for you. I think you need to start having conversations with him slowly about your problem. The conversations won’t be easy, you’ll both likely feel hurt by what’s said, and the problem will probably not be resolved any time soon, but you need to share your emotions. If you have done that several times, then you can only continue talking with him. Go into the conversations with your problem and ask him to help you find a solution. I know ED can be a really difficult thing for men. I’m sure his problems are only making the situation more sensitive for him to talk about or deal with.

      As for you, you need to do everything you can to remove his negative view of you from your mind. You don’t have to agree with him. Your self confidence has to come from within you. If he doesn’t approve, that’s on him. You can feel confident without him. Even in marriage, you don’t have to let your spouse’s opinion of you define who you are. They are human, and subject to being wrong.

      I encourage you to find a good friend that you can talk to that will help you sort out your issues with your husband.

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