A few months ago, I invited Scott Lapierre on to share a chapter from his book, Marriage God’s Way. In his book, he takes an in depth look at what the Bible has to say about the way God designed marriage. (Read those posts here, here, and here.)
One area of the book that I really enjoyed was his interpretation on husbands loving their wives and wives respecting their husbands. Does this mean that husbands don’t need to respect their wives? Or that wives are not to love their husbands? Absolutely not.
The thought here is that God designed men with a greater need for respect and that is important to them. Also, that women were designed with a greater need for unconditional love. This does not mean that a husband and wife shouldn’t share mutual love and respect. It does mean that women are going to have a harder time respecting their husbands, because of the curse. The same way with men loving their wives the way Christ loved the church.
Husbands Love Your Wives
Scott goes in depth to explain the four different types of love that we read about in the Bible. He hones in on how God has commanded husbands to show agape to their wives.
He defines agape as a superior love.
The fourth form of love- and the most commonly mentioned in the New Testament- is agape. A conversation between Jesus and Peter reveals its superior nature.
The background to this discussion was Peter’s earlier pledge to lay down his life for Jesus (John 13:36-38). Even when Jesus warned Peter that he would deny Jesus three times Peter vowed his unswerving love. In fact, he boasted, “Even if all the other disciples deny You, I won’t”. But sure enough, when Jesus was arrested, Peter ran to save his own skin and denied three times ever knowing Jesus.
Scott goes on to share that Peter wept bitterly on account of his actions. After Jesus had been crucified and raised from the dead, He appeared to Peter and some of the other disciples on the beach. Jesus forgave Peter of his betrayal and brought him back into a right relationship. That is a depiction of the type of love that husbands are to have for their wives.
It is important to understand that agape is an undeserved love. This is how husbands are commanded to love their wives. Scott dedicates all of Chapter 8 to this concept in order to help husbands understand how they are to love their wives.
Wives Respect Your Husbands
In Ephesians 5, women are told how to treat their husbands. They are to be respectful towards their husbands and hold them in high esteem.
It is important that a wife ask her husband what things she says or does that causes him to feel disrespected. There are some actions and attitudes that we can know for sure will make our spouse feel disrespected. However, it is essential that a wife learn what hurts her husband.
Do What God Commanded
Here’s the hard part in marriage, doing what is right in spite of the other person’s actions. I often hear couples say that they are justified in their behavior because of the sins of their spouse. That is never the case.
We have a saying around here, “Do what you do, because that’s what you do”. By that, we mean, God commanded you do it, so do it. There are no excuses for poor actions on your part, regardless.
When it comes to husbands loving their wives with agape and wives respecting their husbands, they are commanded to do these things even if it is undeserved. This is yet another way that God uses our marriages as a way to draw us closer to Him.
Scott has put in a lot of time researching the scriptures about the roles of husband and wife. He has done a great job of explaining the scriptures that he shares. I like the clear picture he paints about agape love, and how that is the type of love that a husband should have for his spouse. I also like how he talks about how a wife should respect her husband and how that can look different to each couple. He did a good job on writing this.