7 Reasons You’re Failing to Communicate in Marriage

Austin and I are all about intentional communication. I would say that we have a really great foundation for our ability to communicate with one another. That doesn’t mean that we haven’t missed the mark completely with each other on more than one occasion.

There are so many things that go into making yourself clear to others. It can be even more difficult with your spouse because it can hurt even more deeply when they don’t understand you.

I’ve found there are 7 major issues that can lead to miscommunication in your marriage.

Over the last few years, my husband and I have had some major breakthroughs in our ability to communicate. I feel that we have always had a great foundation for communicating, but we were still missing the mark with each other. This is not to say that we have it all figured out, but there are a few things that we have discovered that keep couples from communicating well. 

1. Listening To Their Words Doesn’t Equal Understanding

We are told over and over again that all we have to do is really listen to our spouse. I can tell you that there have been plenty of times that I have intently listened to my husband and still didn’t understand what he was communicating. Why isn’t listening enough? 

2. You Aren’t Speaking The Same Language

If I were listening to someone speak another language, I would have little idea of what they were trying to communicate. This happens in our native language as well. Words do not have the same meaning to everyone. One person in the relationship will say something as clearly as they know how and the other will not interpret it correctly.

My husband and I have very different ideas of the meaning of the word relax. For him, relaxation means sitting in front of the television and doing nothing for the rest of the day. To me, relaxing means leaving the house and going do something so I can shut off the working part of my brain. 

3. Your Actions Are Misunderstood

Another major form of communication comes through your actions. You can very easily do something that sends the wrong message to your spouse. Just like our spoken words, our actions have different meanings. 

If you do something and your spouse reacts negatively to it, you’re not excused because you didn’t mean to hurt them. Instead, it is your responsibility to figure out how to change your actions, so you’re not miscommunication yourself. Also, you need to have a conversation with them and ask them how your actions made them feel.

4. You Aren’t Speaking The Same Love Language

For a long time, I didn’t give any credence to love languages. After being married for a few years, I came to realize that understanding the way your spouse gives and receives love is huge. 

My love language isn’t the same as my husband’s. When I would show him love, through my means, I’d be disappointed with his response. The same would happen when he would show love to me in his own way, and I would unknowingly shoot him down. 

By not knowing how your spouse gives and receives love, you can both feel unloved in the marriage. Not only that, their actions can communicate that you haven’t done enough when they ask you to show them love in their language. 

5. Conversations Never Happen Without Distraction

There are many reasons that you and your spouse may be distracted while talking. It could be that you have children that are being loud. Maybe one or both of you are fielding work messages or texting with friends. Whatever it is, a couple isn’t focusing their full attention on one another. 

Stop multi-tasking while you are talking with your spouse. It may mean for important conversations that you stop and have them at a later time when you can focus. 

6. You Are Too Busy

What’s worse than having distracted conversations? Not having any conversations at all. Busyness is a big problem when it comes to keeping a thriving relationship. If you have too much going on to connect, then you need to re-evaluate your schedule. 

7. You Don’t Understand Your Own Feelings

There is no way that you can properly communicate with others if you don’t fully understand your feelings towards something. Your spouse may be doing something or saying something that hurts you, but you aren’t sure why. Self-awareness is vital to your ability to communicate well. 

These are some of the reasons that couples struggle to communicate with one another. Miscommunications lead to hurt, frustrations, and resentment in a relationship. It takes constant work to communicate yourself well. 

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