When you first enter a relationship, dating is a top priority. It is the main way you are able to get to know someone on a deeper level. Sure, texting and phone calls help, but the date is where you get the full experience and learn about the other person. Not only that, you set aside time to focus on each other.
Once you get married and live in the same place, it’s easy to let date nights slip…especially as your kids get older and you have more to do. But, what’s the fall-out from not dating your spouse? In my experience, I’ve seen a lot of couples grow apart when they aren’t making an effort to date each other.
Here are some of the reasons that I encourage couples to be intentional about dating.
Allows You To Focus On Each Other
When you go out with your spouse, you are giving one another complete attention- at least you should be. Getting out of the house will keep your mind from wandering to household tasks and life.
It is very important that you take the time to focus exclusively on your partner. By taking time out of your week to get together for a few hours, you are able to reconnect on a deeper level than what you get on a daily basis.
Tips To Stay Focused On Your Spouse During A Date Night
Going out with your husband or wife is important, but if you don’t stay focused on them during the date night, it isn’t really going to help you. Here are some tips to fully engage with your spouse when you’re out.
1. Limit Phone Use
One of our rules on date night is to keep our phones put away as much as possible. We have kids at home, so we do need to be available to them, but for the most part, our phones stay in our pockets.
2. Use Conversation Starters
Your spouse is your life partner and that means it’s hard to put aside the daily crap you have to deal with and talk about something else. I think the easiest way to keep your conversation off of your kids, jobs, and worries of life is to use conversation starters.
Here are a few resources for conversation starters for your next date night.
This list should get you started so you and your spouse can focus on each other. We like to ask each other questions that allow us to talk about romance, our dreams, hopes, and having a great life together.
3. Pick An Activity That Helps You Connect
We rarely go to the movies as our date night activity. If we do, we will go to dinner ahead of the movie and coffee after. But, there were really lean years where we couldn’t afford to do all of that, so we just focused on things that would let us talk. This was really important in the years when the kids were little and we barely had time to chat with each other without them listening.
My recommendation is that you do at least one thing during your date night that lets you feel connected to each other. It doesn’t have to just be conversation. You could go out dancing, karaoke, listen to music, hike…whatever it is that helps you feel close to them.
Looking for some great date night ideas that allow you to connect? Here’s a few posts you can check out:
Build Unity Through Shared Experiences
Getting out and doing things together is a great way to build unity in your relationship. Shared experiences will give you plenty of stories and memories, also.
Maybe you and your spouse can develop a shared hobby that you invest in each week or month. Or, maybe you are like Austin and me…nothing alike. We don’t tend to enjoy the same type of things, but over the years, we have a few go-to things we like to do on date nights.
Some of the dates we go on with each other have been for the sake of the other person, but over time has become something we really love together. Here are some things we like doing for date nights that help us connect:
- Go out for coffee
- Visit museums
- See plays
- Go dancing
- Volunteer at the food bank
- Take a walk or hike
Trying new things is really important because you may find that you and your spouse really love something. But, if you don’t look for new things to try then you won’t know.
Develop Deeper Friendship
It can be easy to get into a rut in your relationship. With the number of things that have to get done from day to day, you can feel like you are more like business partners than lovers.
Taking the time to go out with one another gives you something to look forward to. It takes you out of the ordinary things you do in life and keeps your friendship alive. There has to be more to your interactions than daily chores and tasks.
Some people spend so much time investing in their home and children, that they forget to invest in each other. One day, the children will move away and leave the home empty. When that day arrives, if you have been investing in each other, you will have a relationship left.
If you fail to invest in one another, you might find that you have grown apart. Making date night a regular part of your month will ensure that you have a close relationship that will last for years to come.