I’ll often see people leave a comment on blog posts that says something to the effect of- My spouse has no clue what I need out of our marriage and won’t do anything to try.
This is definitely a problem in many marriages. I think there are several reasons that a spouse doesn’t work on fixing the problem. Which of these do you identify with?
1. Outright Selfishness
I think we can all throw our hands up for this one. At some time or another, you’ve likely not made the necessary changes on account of just being selfish. Meeting their needs will take effort, and you just don’t want to.
That doesn’t mean that selfishness is always the issue, but there are times when it is. If you are avoiding making changes in your sex life on account of selfish reasons, it is time you make a change.
2. Don’t Fully Understand The Problem
Even if your spouse is doing all they can to communicate their needs to you, it doesn’t mean you understand their problems. We all have different ways of interpreting what someone says. Maybe you know that there is a problem, but the total weight of the issue isn’t clear to you.
Most of the time, problems and issues start over something small, but they can turn into huge fights and confrontations because they’re not resolved quickly. Take the time to really understand the needs of the person you are in a relationship with. Do not allow miscommunication to be an excuse for why you don’t solve an issue.
3. Feel The Solution is Unfair
Maybe your partner has presented you with a solution to their problem that you feel is unfair of them to expect out of you. Let’s be real here- none of us moved out of our parent’s house so we could be told what to do by someone else.
Does that mean you should just be allowed to do whatever you want because you’re a grown person? No. However, when you are in a relationship with someone, you have a choice to make. You can either decide that you will do what you can to help them feel loved and respected- or you’ll just be a jerk and a pain to live with.
If you feel your spouse has asked you to do something that is unfair or that you don’t think you should have to do, then work towards a compromise with them. Work with them to come up with a different solution, but don’t leave them hanging.
4. You Don’t Have The Motivation
This is one we can all identify with. When you aren’t motivated to do something, it can make it very hard to change. If you and your spouse have had conversations where you have agreed to make specific changes, and you don’t- then you are hurting their feelings.
By not making an effort, you are telling them that you do not care about them. That may not be what you think you are saying, but you are.
If you are having a hard time remembering to do things differently, ask your partner for accountability. Give them permission to remind you of what you promised gently.
Find other ways you can keep your word. When you say you’ll do something and then don’t, you are bringing distrust in your marriage.
5. Feel Overwhelmed And Don’t Know How to Change
Maybe you know that you need to do something different, but you have no idea how to make the change. It could be a problem that you’ve struggled with for years in the past and have never been able to overcome. When you feel overwhelmed, it can be very discouraging for you.
If you want to work through your marriage issues and not feel overwhelmed, let your spouse know. It is so important that they understand where you are and what you are struggling with. When you’re starting to feel overwhelmed with life, the number one thing to do is to lean on your spouse. Thank them. Often. Let them know you’re appreciative of them and everything they do. And even though life is hard, you still love them fiercely and that your marriage and relationship are worth fixing.
What about you? What is keeping you from working on the issues in your marriage?
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