Want to know what one of the top libido killers is? Stress. And there’s a lot of it go around, am I right? Now, I get that we all have periods of stress in our lives, but if you live in a perpetual state of stressed out, you need to make changes.
Here’s a video that I talked about the difference between low libido and responsive desire. Maybe you don’t have a low-libido, but you do have a responsive desire and that is confusing you.
Is Stress Killing Your Libido?
How much would it change your life, mood, and family interactions if you could actually get enough done in a day? Imagine if you could get caught up and stay that way more often than not. Your stress levels would go way down.
If I’m not careful, I let myself get so sucked into my work and to-do’s that I forget how to have fun. When that happens, I feel like I have to force myself to do fun things and let go. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it happens naturally when I have a good handle on life.
Are You Too Tired to Have Sex?
Stress tends to lead to less sleep at night and causes you to be too tired for sex. It can also make it hard to feel aroused when you’re exhausted. Even if you want to have sex, getting there is a challenge.
Scheduling sex can be really helpful if you’re often too tired to spend time together. Picking a day that has less obligations or more time will help you get the rest you need. I even recommend that you take a nap in the day if you can. This will help you be less tired at night.
Making Scheduled Sex Hot
I had a reader tell me they were trying to schedule sex, but it was falling flat. It made me realize that simply telling people to “schedule sex” isn’t enough. So, I wrote 3 ways you can make scheduled sex hot.
Are Kids Cramping Your Style?
Kids knocking on the door, sitting right outside your bedroom, or constantly needing your attention can really kill the mood. I highly recommend to couples to do these few things to help out with kids killing the mood:
- Put on a movie – for younger kids, don’t hesitate to put on a movie or let them play video games so you have uninterrupted time.
- Teach them to knock – kids should never just walk into your room without knocking and being given permission.
- Put a lock on your door – I’m always surprised at the number of couples that don’t have a lock on the door. Put both of your minds at ease and do this.
- Make your room off limits to the kids – don’t let them bring all their toys into your room or hang out in there a lot. If your room becomes the family hang-out spot, it’s hard to disconnect that and get in the mood.
I know some people are concerned about their kids hearing them have sex. You can only be so quiet, but do the best you can. And know that your kids won’t be scared for life if they hear a few sounds.
You can hear more of my take on this in the Youtube video I did about kids hearing their parents have sex.
Do You Actually Have Low Libido?
Like I talked about in the video I recorded, maybe you don’t have low libido. It’s possible that you just have a responsive desire. A lot of people don’t feel sexually aroused until something sexual is happening. Others have a spontaneous desire, which can make them feel excited and ready for sex even if nothing sexual is going on.
This is why many couples feel that one has a high-drive and one has a low-drive. Really, a lot of couples just deal with different arousal. A lot of times, I hear that women have a responsive desire. Not all women of course. Many have what would be considered a high drive than their husbands.
*Here are resources for high drive wives.
Husbands Really Want to Sexually Please Their Wives
A lot of times, I get complaints from husbands that tell me their wives have a low-libido. But, husbands do genuinely want to please their wives sexually. Despite what culture has to say, men are not just having sex out of selfish ambition…and I’ve got the analytics to prove it.
I hope that you and your spouse will take the time to figure out what’s keeping you from having sex and work through it. It takes a lot of communication to build a flourishing sex life.
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