I learned something new from my friend El Fury over at Married Christian Sex. He wrote an article on orgasmic meditation (OM) and gave tips on how a husband and wife can do this together.
Just to be clear, orgasmic meditation is actually a practice that you can pay for in a clinic with a practitioner or in a community with other people you don’t know, but I don’t personally condone this.
However, I loved El Fury’s take on how a husband can do this for his wife. He also explored how a wife can do something similar for the husband. In this very long article, I’m going to discuss what OM is, and how to do it with your spouse.
What is Orgasmic Meditation?
Orgasmic meditation is a practice where the husband uses his finger to stroke the upper left-hand quadrant of the clitoris for 15 minutes. In this practice, the man would keep his clothes on and the woman would lay on pillows and undress from the waist down. The sole goal of orgasmic meditation is to help your wife feel pleasure without the pressure of orgasm.
Some women do orgasm from stroking. If used as foreplay, it can create a stronger orgasm for the woman when you move on to having sex.
What is the Left-Hand Quadrant of The Clitoris?
What is the upper left-hand quadrant of the clitoris? To be honest, I don’t know. I read several articles and looked at a lot of pictures and nothing pointed to what the upper left-hand quadrant is. However, I read one article that said this spot is not in the same place for all women.
So, how do you find it? I think the key here is that you use this practice as a way of communicating with your wife. She can direct you to the part of her clitoris that feels best for you to rub it. Also, she can tell you how hard or soft she wants you to stroke things. Even during the practice, she can tell you to move over to the left or right until you’re on the best spot for her.
Does Orgasmic Meditation Have Lead to Sex?
Given the fact that this meditative practice is meant to be done in a more clinical sense, it’s not meant to be sexual. The heart of this practice is meant to be pleasurable. Think of getting a massage…that’s a pleasurable experience for the body. However, between married couples, massage can be sexual.
I’d say that the practice of orgasmic meditation in marriage could go either way. The husband can do this for his wife as a way of relaxing her body and bringing pleasure to her without the expectation of orgasm. Or, he could use this as foreplay to get her ready for a sexual encounter.
What’s The Meditation Part Of This Practice?
If you’re a Christian like me, then to you, mediation likely means clearing your mind so you can listen to God or focusing your attention on God’s Word. Yes, those are types of mediation that I hope you make a part of your daily life. Meditation is an important part of the Christian life because it causes you to push all of the thoughts in your mind out and fill your mind with God’s Word and prayers.
So, how is this practice mediation? Essentially, meditation is any time you push thoughts out of your mind to make space to focus on something else. Daily meditation has a lot of benefits because it calms you down and clears your mind of the craziness going on inside. There’s a reason you feel calm and connected after a time of spiritual mediation because you are putting all of your attention on God.
In the case of orgasmic meditation, you’re clearing your mind and focusing on pleasure. I don’t know if men deal with this as much or not, but women are notorious for building their shopping lists or to-do lists while they have sex. This practice can help a woman to teach herself to clear her mind during sexual experiences and focus on her own pleasure.
How Does OMing Benefit The Man?
You may be a husband reading this article and think, how does orgasmic meditation benefit me, especially if it is not supposed to be sexual? Well, for one thing, this is a very intimate practice and can be used as a way to build intimacy in your marriage.
There are also physical benefits for the husband. Some men have shared that they feel relaxed and connected with their own bodies while OMing. This can be a calming practice for the man, just as much as it is for the woman. When you do this with your spouse, both of you are able to take a break from the world and focus on building intimacy with one another.
How Do You Set Up For an OM Session?
If you want to try this out with your wife, here’s what you need to do to set up for the session:
- Create a comfortable space for her to lay back and relax while you’re OMing. Set up some pillows so she can prop herself up in a way that she feels comfortable.
- You can light some candles, turn the lights down low, and cut on soft music to make the environment more relaxing. Here’s a great instrumental jazz music video on YouTube.
- The husband should keep his clothes on and the wife should get undressed from the waist down (unless you agree to do something different). She should wear whatever she feels most comfortable in. Maybe she wants to wear lingerie or she can wear a soft sweater. Just tell her to put on what makes her feel good.
- Grab your favorite lube or coconut oil to put on your pointer finger. You may need to re-apply the lube during your time of intimacy, so keep it nearby.
- Get into a comfortable position yourself so you can reach your wife’s clitoris and not get worn out. Some recommend that you place the palm of your hand on her vagina and then use your pointer finger to stroke.
- Set a timer on your phone for 15 minutes and hit start when you’re in position.
- Have your wife guide you with how fast or slow you stroke, pressure, and position that feels good to her. Let her know it’s ok for her to use her words as well as guide you by repositioning your finger if she needs to.
- Stroke her for 15 minutes until the timer goes off.
Before you decide to have an OM session, decide if the goal for this is for relaxation or foreplay. This way you will set the expectations before you get started.
Is There a Male Version of Orgasmic Meditation?
El Fury pointed out in his post that a wife can stroke her husband’s frenulum…the one on his penis to be clear. Most people have a frenulum in their mouth. I did a YouTube video on this and show you where it is in your mouth on the video here. It’s a piece of skin that essentially attaches your lips to your teeth.
The frenulum on the penis is usually where the foreskin meets the underside of the penis. Husbands…you’re probably going to have to find this and point it out to your wife.
They say (whoever “they” is) that the frenulum is similar to a clitoris. To bring a man intense pleasure, a wife can stroke the frenulum the way she would want her clitoris stroked.
If a wife would like to do an OM session for her husband, she should have him get in a comfortable position, put lube on her finger, and then stroke his frenulum.
How to Follow Up a Session That Doesn’t End in Sex
You might be thinking about what you should do to follow up an OM session if you aren’t going to have sex afterward. Here are a few ideas:
- Do it at night right before you go to bed as a relaxation technique. Right after the session, you can curl up together and go to sleep.
- Set up a session first thing in the morning to start your day off relaxed. Agree to spend time having sex later in the night and use the time in the morning as a buildup.
- After the session, you can spend time kissing, hugging, or connecting through some other form of touch.
- An intimate session like this could lead to great conversation. Consider asking each other some deep questions that will further build your connection.
Whatever you do, make sure you have enough time to connect after the session.
Benefits of Orgasmic Meditation For Married Couples
Seeing as how the research behind this type of meditation has been between strangers, I am going to make some evaluations here of how this can benefit a married couple.
Create Better Sexual Communication
One thing that has stood out to me about this practice is that it can really empower a woman to tell her husband what she needs from him to feel pleasure. This practice can help you both with greater sex in the future. If she’s able to guide you with her words and you learn to read the sign of pleasure in her body, it will help you create better sexual experiences for both of you.
An Intimate Act For Couples Dealing With Impotence
I have readers ask me what they can do to create intimacy if the husband is struggling with impotence. This would be a very beneficial practice for that couple because it will build intimacy between both the husband and wife.
Helps The Wife Understand What Brings Her Pleasure
A lot of women have a hard time knowing what feels good about their bodies. During orgasmic meditation, she should focus her mind on the sensations she is feeling. As she allows herself to focus on her own pleasure, it will help her learn what feels good and what doesn’t.
Creates a Stronger Orgasm For a Wife
Stroking the clitoris for 15 minutes can certainly help a woman feel more ready for sex. For one thing, this will help her to relax. The other thing is that the stroking will feel good to her (as long as it’s not too hard or too dry) causing her to be more sexually aroused. The more sexually aroused she is going into PIV sex, oral sex, or manual stimulation sex, the more likely her orgasms will be stronger. She may even orgasm during this session and end up having multiple orgasms after.
No Pressure to Orgasm
One thing I highly recommend is if you have a wife that struggles to orgasm or says she wishes she didn’t feel like she has to orgasm, is to do this session with your clothes on. If you are stimulating her clitoris without expectation of this leading to sex, you may find she lets herself go enough to orgasm. Even if she doesn’t, she is still going to reap the benefits of intimacy with you and the pleasure of feeling you stroke her intimate areas.
Greater Appreciation For God’s Design of a Woman’s Clitoris
Both a husband a wife will be able to see how the clitoris responds to touch. This will help both of them have a deeper appreciation of how our loving Father created us to experience pleasure.
Helps a Women Develop Sexual Confidence
If a wife learns what brings her body pleasure, it will create confidence in her. Maybe your wife shys away from sexual experiences because she just doesn’t know what feels good and she doesn’t want to disappoint you. Or…she doesn’t want to disappoint herself if she can’t orgasm.
What if My Wife Doesn’t Want Me To See Her Vagina?
I have wives write in and tell me that they feel very self-conscious if their husbands look at their vagina…or their body in general. I’m not sure how men feel about their wives looking at their penis, but a lot of wives have a hard time with this because it requires them to be really vulnerable. Also, if you ask a wife if she thinks her vagina is sexy, she is probably going to tell you not really. To you, her vagina is this amazing and wonderful thing, but she may have a different view of it…especially after childbirth.
What do you do if your wife doesn’t want you to see her vagina? I recommend you do this with the lights low and instead of looking at her clitoris, look at her face. The idea with this is to create an environment where she can learn to let go, relax, and be less self-conscious.
If your wife has a hard time with you watching her get pleasure, then cut the lights off altogether so it is dark.
As with anything new you can try in the bedroom, I recommend you give this a couple of shots before you decide one way or the other if you like this. Trying new things can be amazing right out the gate, or it can suck and you might think it’s not for you. Give it a few times.