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What to Do When You Don’t Feel Heard in Marriage

Do you sometimes feel like you’re talking, but your spouse isn’t listening? Maybe you feel you’ve tried every way possible to communicate, but you still feel like your spouse doesn’t get it.

This happens all the time for married couples, even those that have been married FOREVER! Don’t think that since you’ve been married for 5, 15, 25 years, that you’ve got it all figured out. Communication is ever changing and growing and you’ve always got to have a plan of how to get your spouse to understand you at every season of life. 

On Thursday, March 22, I’ll be joining Dr. Jessica McCleese, a clinical psychologist, and licensed Christian sex therapist,  for a free webinar.  We will be focusing on how to improve communication with your spouse. We will also be discussing the importance of opening the lines of communication with your spouse and providing practical tips.

Marriage is the most important relationship. I hope you’ll join us for this webinar. Sign up here to get the webinar link emailed to you.

Apps For Couples You Never Knew Existed

There is an app for just about anything you could ever want. Now, I’m not really much of an app user. But, I recently discovered some helpful apps for couples. I gave them a try, and I have really enjoyed using them. I think they are definitely worth checking out.

 

There is an app for just about anything you could ever want. Now, I’m not really much of an app user. But, I recently discovered some helpful apps for couples. I gave them a try, and I have really enjoyed using them. I think they are definitely worth checking out.

Couple- Relationship App For Two

My favorite app for couples is Couple.  The main reason I love it so much is that you can create password protection.

By using password protection, you don’t have to worry about who is looking through your phone. You can also keep things real with your spouse. I love sharing my thoughts and pics with my spouse without worrying about privacy issues.

In addition to the password feature, I love the drawing section! With this feature, you and your spouse take turns drawing on the same picture. It’s another fun thing to do with your lover.

The thumbkiss feature is another great aspect of the app. You can invite each other to this feature. It’s basically a virtual kiss. You follow their finger around the screen. Once you line up with their fingerprint, your phone buzzes. This is another neat way to feel connected to your spouse when they’re away from you.

Between

Another app I love is Between. Although this app similar to the Couple app, it has a few different things. I love being able to talk to my husband when he’s not here. Between allows me to do that with it’s has private chat features. It also lets you keep your conversations private.

Do you struggle to remember important dates and special occasions? This app has a shared calendar feature. You can input anniversaries, birthdays, and even date nights.

These awesome features are another way to stay connected and tuck away those special memories. Anyway you can stay connected with your spouse and have fun, is a great thing.

 

The New Rules of Lingerie: 3 Pieces of Advice for Every Woman

As I’ve shared before, finding lingerie has not been the easiest thing for me. I think a lot of women share this struggle. I invited Ashley Lipman on to share with us a few tips on how to find lingerie that will work for you.

Here’s what she has to say-

Lingerie has been a part of women’s wardrobes for hundreds of years. Women in the 1800s would wear intricate corsets under their dresses. These corsets used drawstrings to cinch the waist while bone lining formed the body into the well-known hourglass shape.

Now, women have more options than ever when it comes to wearing lingerie! Whether you’re new to lingerie or you’re looking to add new pieces to your wardrobe, here are three things to consider when choosing your latest sexy garments!

Get an expert fitting for your lingerie

Lingerie is something you have to really try to figure out your best fit. You can’t always rely on your measured size because some things might just feel different on your body. To get the best fitting, visit a local boutique. These boutiques will have expert sizers on hand who can help you fit yourself into your new lingerie. A lot of women wear the wrong bra size, so it’s important to make sure you have the best fit if you want to feel your best!

If you’re new, choose a set

If you’re just getting started with your lingerie collection, you probably don’t know where to begin. Instead of picking individual pieces, choose a matching set. To get the most wear out of your new set, choose something in a neutral style and color that will match your current undergarments. This first set will help you build your wardrobe! Take special care of your new set, since this will be the basis for the rest of your lingerie collection.

Once you’ve gained confidence wearing your new set, it’s time to start trying new styles. Experienced lingerie wearers can go for the wow factor. That means trying fun costumes or experimenting with bodysuits or unique fits. Starting small while you’re still figuring out your comfort level is key! Search your favorite lingerie here to find your style!

Choose quality over quantity

Lingerie is the first thing you put on every day, so it really lays the foundation for how you feel. Wearing something sexy can transform your mood for the rest of the day! When you’re choosing your lingerie, make sure you pay attention to quality. These are pieces that are naturally delicate, and they’ll need to be made with care to hold up for years. Choose high-quality fabrics like silk and cotton which are known to last. A few staple lingerie sets can last you years! Choose wisely when buying lingerie for wedding and honeymoon – it’s always important to gain confidence when going into a new era of your life.

Love your lingerie!

Lingerie is a fun way to express yourself! No matter your personal style and taste, there is a lingerie set for you. When you’re first getting started, stick with the basics and explore as you go. There is always room to discover new things when trying new lingerie! Though lingerie is worn other your clothes, it still impacts the way you feel about yourself! Luckily, we live in a time where women have endless options for feeling comfortable and sexy with lingerie!

Building Confidence In Your Beauty

We all desire to view ourselves as beautiful and confident. However, most women struggle to make this happen. Perhaps you have often wondered how you can create a better view of your beauty. Well, here are some things that can increase your confidence.  

We all desire to view ourselves as beautiful and confident. However, most women struggle to make this happen. Perhaps you have often wondered how you can create a better view of your beauty. Well, here are some things that can increase your confidence.  

Establish The Right Mindset

It is important to first understand that your self view begins in your mind. If you struggle to accept yourself the way you are right now, than any other changes you try to make will be difficult too.

Make a commitment to mental change. Find small ways to view yourself as beautiful. Without this first step, you will likely struggle to develop the confidence you need to move forward.

Changing Your Mindset

You can’t develop mental confidence without some guidance. Here are a few things to help you do that.

Stop Comparing- Comparing yourself to others is a dangerous thing. This will only lead to dissatisfaction. Embrace the realization that you are uniquely you. That is a great thing!

Love yourself- Although you may not love each part of your body, learn to love yourself anyway. If this is hard for you, identify a few parts you do like. This will help encourage you to make future physical changes that you want.

Believe others- Once you have identified your best features, ask a close friend or even your spouse to tell you what they love about you. Let them share what they love most about those features. Make a commitment to believe them when they share what they love about you.

Making Changes Is Worth The Time

When women try to look more beautiful, they often focus on changing the body parts they hate. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to change some things, don’t be too focused on the negative. This will quickly discourage you. Spend some time focusing on your strengths too.

When women try to look more beautiful, they often focus on changing the body parts they hate. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to change some things, don’t be too focused on the negative. This will quickly discourage you. Spend some time focusing on your strengths too.

Focus on those strong features that you identified. If you love your hair, find ways to do some different things with it that will create a fun change for you. Then, move on to your next strong feature and decide if you want to make any changes there.  

Follow these steps until you have worked through all of your best features.  Then, you can spend some time on the other areas you want to improve. Keep in mind that you should develop realistic expectations, regardless of the body part. For example, if you don’t like your nose or eyes, there is little you can do to change them. Embrace your beauty anyway. Just slowly focus on the features you can actually work to improve.

Remember that establishing confidence in your beauty is important. It is a step to becoming successful in other areas of your life.

free bedroom game

Spiritual Leadership and Biblical Masculinity in the Home

I’m happy to introduce you to Daren, the founder of Active Manhood, where he aims to help men be the leaders God wants them to be. He is coming on today to share about spiritual leadership in the home and Biblical masculinity. Daren has a lot of great scriptures to share with us.

I'm happy to introduce you to Daren, the founder of Active Manhood, where he aims to help men be the leaders God wants them to be. He is coming on today to share about spiritual leadership in the home and Biblical masculinity. Daren has a lot of great scriptures to share with us.

Check out what he has to say-

1 Corinthians 16:13 “Watch ye, stand fast in the faith, quit you like men, be strong.”

Whatever happened to the obvious biblical roles within the family structure? How have the “new” ideas of marriage identity, toxic feminism, and the rise of gender politics affected us?

I bet you will agree with me when I tell you that fatherlessness has become a plague in America because it’s obvious and it’s true.

The divorce rate isn’t much better. Guys have been abandoning their role as men for decades now, and the tragic results are becoming all too real.

1. Men are Feeling De-valued

The biblical mandate for men to be the spiritual leaders in their homes, and to fulfill their God-given responsibilities, once provided purpose and value for Christian men.

With the constant barrage of modern media undermining the value of husbands and fathers in our culture, it’s no wonder that men have become self-absorbed, immature, and irresponsible. How else should they respond?

Throughout the scriptures, God emphasized the vitally important and dominant role of men in human civilization. The man was made first but was not complete without woman. Marriage then became the very first God-ordained institution.

God ordained marriage

Men were designed by God to be protectors, providers, planners, and preparers. The Heavenly Father made us to walk with Him, and lead our families to humble submission to Him, and His will for us.

Today, those thoughts are considered outdated and irrelevant for modern society. Phrases like “toxic masculinity” are tossed around the media like a hot potato, and men are having their God-given role in the family and society, marginalized and minimized.

When a man’s biblical role is de-valued by our culture, then our sense of purpose, direction, and responsibility are diminished with it.

We read scriptures such as:

1 Timothy 5:8 “But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

Ephesians 5:25 “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;” What do those scriptures mean to a man, that has been told that he is no longer needed or relevant in that capacity?

How are guys to take on the incredible blessing of leading a wife and children, with biblical virtue, loyalty, and God-given purpose, when the very act of doing so is called bigoted, old-fashioned, and out of touch by our culture?

Ladies, I cannot tell you enough how important it is for you to uplift and encourage your husband every day. He finds his value in doing what God made him for.

Your husband will thrive with your admiration and will become weak when you are silent. He needs to know that he is valued and that you admire his efforts to fulfill his biblical role, in a culture that now disregards God’s design for the family.

2. Men are Failing to Find Value

There was a time in America when most guys, Christian or not, understood their role in life and found great value in fulfilling that role in the family. Even when the struggles of life were seemingly insurmountable, the sense of personal responsibility to those who rely on us as men would carry the day.

Christian guys find their value in God, and in the purpose that he designed us for. When we are no longer able to find value in that, where do we turn?

men finding value

Far too often guys become workaholics or alcoholics. Without a clear purpose to apply themselves to, they turn to pleasing self, rather than pleasing God.

The family has always been the place where men find their value. When that is true, they find the strength and support they need to contribute in greater ways to their family, church, community, and country. Strong families produce strong men, women, and children.

However, biblical manhood and biblical womanhood are being subverted by Satan, to undermine the family, to defy God, and to breed rebellion.

The results are painfully obvious as we look at the culture in which we live. Morality has become profane, marriage has been redefined, and the children who escape the abortion mills, are now the property of the state.

Isaiah 5:20 “Woe unto them that call evil good, and good evil; that put darkness for light, and light for darkness; that put bitter for sweet, and sweet for bitter!”

3. Men are Forgetting Biblical Values

There are certain values and virtues, found in the scriptures, that not only give us a moral foundation but guide and direct us towards true success in life. But who is passing those on to the next generation?

Deuteronomy 6:4–9 “Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God is one LORD: 5. And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. 6. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: 7. And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.

8. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. 9. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.”

Where is a man supposed to learn these biblical values? Who is teaching them to love God with their hearts, soul, mind, and strength? If they didn’t learn it when they were growing up in their own family, and from the Word of God, then where?

Your answer might be “the church”. Well, consider that:

  • The typical Christian church in America is only 39% male.
  • More than 70% of boys raised in the church, will abandon it.
  • Only 1 out of every 6 Christian men, actually attend church.

Here Are My Final Thoughts

marriage ordained by God

Marriage is a God-ordained institution, created by Him as an example of His love. The depth of God’s purpose for giving us such a splendid relationship is beyond our ability to fathom.

However, we do know that as a biblical leader, we are to be a symbolic example of Christ loving the church.

Ephesians 5:21–33 “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22. Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. 24. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.

25. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it; 26. That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, 27. That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

28. So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 29. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: 30. For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones. 31. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

32. This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. 33. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.”

Let us not neglect our God-given roles, but fulfill them with love, humility, and submission to Christ.

Bio – Daren Dilts has been happily married for 30 years, and has raised 5 children who love the Lord. He is a pastor, and the founder and voice behind Active Manhood, an online community for Christian men.

 

 

 

Do You Believe Sex is For You?

I’m a firm believer that God created sex to be enjoyed by both husband and wife. It should be mutually beneficial. But…I think this idea is really prevalent in our culture and teaching in the church. I’ve been to more than one conference and heard more than one speaker say that I should meet my husband’s needs in the bedroom.

I'm a firm believer that God created sex to be enjoyed by both husband and wife. It should be mutually beneficial. But...I think this idea is really prevalent in our culture and teaching in the church. I've been to more than one conference and heard more than one speaker say that I should meet my husband's needs in the bedroom. 

Now…don’t get me wrong, I think that a very important part of sex is to meet your spouse’s need. You should want to do things that will bring them satisfaction. The problem is when you’re really not feeling it, but you have been taught all your life that it is your “duty” to have sex. It goes from being this shared experience you are both meant to enjoy to one more thing on your task list.

So, how do you take sex off the to-do list and desire to be with your lover? You have to change your mindset. Tomorrow, I’m interviewing Rebekah Hargraves from the Hearth and Home Podcast about this very topic. She’s really passionate about teaching women that sex is for them, too.

Listen to what we have to say here. 

The Power of Foreplay in Marriage

There are probably many couples that don’t engage in foreplay. In fact, they may not even know the necessity of taking the time.  Well, I am here to let you know that ’s very important to invest in the time to connect with your lover before sex. Here are 7 reasons why you should frequently engage in foreplay.

The Power of Foreplay in Marriage

 

1. Foreplay Makes Sex More Fun

Engaging in foreplay allows time for you and your spouse to get turned on. When this happens, sex becomes more fun.  It also creates an intimate connection and strengthens your relationship. It can be fun to connect in ways other than intercourse.

2. Allows You to Find Things in Common

If you and your spouse struggle to find things in common, sex can be the one thing that helps you to connect. Foreplay allows you to take time with lovemaking and discover the things you like together. Lovemaking can be more meaningful through various acts of foreplay.

3. Heats Things Up

Are you looking for new ways to create passion in the bedroom? Foreplay can help with that. When you spend time discovering each other’s physical features and what turns you on, climax can be quite intense. Chances are, you will experience more passion and intensity with foreplay than without.

4. Gives You Chances To Flirt Throughout The Day

Flirting can be so fun. When you are emotionally connected, it comes naturally. Taking the time to connect in physical intimacy allows you to desire each other more. This leads to flirting. Flirting with your spouse builds more intensity for the next sexual encounter.

flirt during the day

5. Creates Sweeter Fantasies

Spending more time on foreplay gives you more to fantasize about when you’re away from your spouse. Replay the things you engage in together and think about your spouse. Fantasizing about your spouse helps to set the mood for more frequent sex.  

6. Unifies You Both

While there are multiple ways to draw close to your spouse, making love is an important one. Sometimes it can bring you together like no other activities can. When you engage in sex, you are giving your undivided attention and expressing your love. Practicing foreplay draws out your lovemaking and makes the connection last longer.

holding hands with spouse

7. Allows Relaxation

Switching gears from working all day right to love making can be difficult and stressful. Making love is sweeter when both you and your spouse are relaxed. Spending time on foreplay will help you relax and enjoy time with one another.

You and your spouse deserve time with one another. Drawing out lovemaking creates many benefits for your marriage. It is a time when you can truly enjoy one another. You both deserve every minute that it lasts.

4 Ways to Encourage Your Spouse

Your marriage is the most important relationship in your life. It important to find ways to show your spouse that you love them. You don’t have to wait for a special occasion to show them. There are a variety of ways to put your feelings into practice.

1. Do One Of Their “Dreaded” Tasks

Everyone loves it when someone does something for them. Each one of us has a task that we hate doing. Whether it’s dishes, running to the store, or cleaning the car, there is also chore that makes us cringe.

Discover what that is for your spouse. They will appreciate having something done for them.  It makes it even more special when you don’t tell them you’re doing it. Let them discover how much you love them.

2. Spread The Encouragement

We all love to be encouraged by many people. While receiving encouragement from your spouse is amazing, receiving from friends and family is helpful too.

Try encouraging your family and friends to find ways to boost your spouse’s day. Sending notes, making phone calls, or taking the kids for a couple of hours are some simple ideas. Think of new ways to make your spouse feel blessed and appreciated by others.

3. Plan A “Get Together” For Your Spouse

couples on a date night

If your spouse has been feeling discouraged, think about hosting a small get together for them. This does not have to be a huge extravagant dinner party. A casual evening with friends or family can lift their spirits.

Now if your spouse is the type of person that does not like a lot of attention, consider making this a smaller affair. If having a crowd tends to encourage your spouse, go for it.  You are doing this for them, so pay attention to their needs and desires.

4. A Kiss Goes A Long Way

Don’t forget to be physically affectionate with your spouse.  Hold their hand, kissing them, and hugging them can communicate love. Your spouse may love to cuddle and be touched throughout the day.

Always remember to be sensitive to the needs of your spouse. Consider their love language. It may be different than yours. Whatever their love language, find a way that will communicate how much you love them.