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Tips On How a Woman Can Achieve Physical Pleasure

True phyiscal intimacy with your spouse is connecting with each other all types of levels. Sharing life together through experiences, talking, and physical expression all make up intimacy. A lot of women have a hard time having orgasms, even when they are connected with their loved on. This can be a huge frustration to one or both partners in the marriage. While I cannot guarantee that my advice will help a woman experience physical bliss, I can offer a bit of advice that may help.

 

Tips on How to Achieve Physical Pleasure

 

Decide ahead of time what methods you would like to start with. You can do direct clitoral stimulation or intercourse. I suggest you use a lubrication no matter if you are going with manual stimulation or intercourse.

Read my article HERE about how to be mentally prepared for climax.

 

Guide Your Husband

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Tell your husband to start off slow. While he is pleasing you, think about what he is doing. You must be in tune to what is going on. If something feels good, moan. If it doesn’t feel good, tell him to try something else. It can be as simple as saying, “go softer”, “keep doing that”, “do this instead”.

Guide your spouse as much as you can. Do not feel discouraged if it is taking a long time. It can take an hour or more for you to reach bliss on your first time.

 

Keep Your Mind on What You Are Doing

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While you are being pleasured, keep your mind focused on what is going on. We ladies are known for multitasking. This is a time when you have to keep your head in the game.

Looking at what he is doing can help you keep your mind where it needs to be. Use a mirror if you can’t see what is going on. This will also give you pure things to think about when you are being intimate in the future.

Thinking about sexual acts is very stimulating. For the Godly man and woman, thinking about sex acts that happen between each other is not sinful. However, entertaining visions that are not of one another can be very damaging.

 

Make Noises and Use Your Words

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This may not feel comfortable, but it is important that you make noise. Whether you moan or talk, you should react vocally. I do not know the science behind why this works, but it does.

You will reach a point when moaning will help you more than talking. If you are worried that children or others will hear you, whisper moan, but make sure you are expressing yourself vocally.

 

Point Your Toes and Arch Your Back

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Often times, when something feels good, you will naturally point your toes or arch your back. When you do this, it can help intensify what your spouse is doing. You do not have to wait for your body to do this naturally, go ahead and help yourself out.

 

Take Deep Breaths

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Be sure you are breathing while you have sex. When you take deep breaths, you are sending oxygen throughout your body. You need good blood flow to your erogenous zones in order to climax. Intentionally breath in and out as much as you can.

 

Feel Like the Sexy Woman You Are

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There is nothing wrong with looking sexy for your husband. I’m not suggesting that you go out in public and act or dress sexy. When you are in the bedroom with your spouse, that is a different story.

Even a reserved woman can feel sexy about her body when in the presence of her spouse. Feeling sexy will help you reach orgasm.

When your husband is doing something that feels good, own it. Tell him that it feels good. Think it in your mind. This is part of the process of reaching climax.

 

For you to reach bliss, you have to decide you want to be pleased. Then you have to let your husband please you. It might feel uncomfortable at first, but it is worth it.

 

 

How a Woman Can Prepare Herself to Reach Physical Bliss

A lot of women have a difficult time achieving the ultimate physical pleasure. The good news is that you are capable of reaching the height of physical intimacy. Some ladies need more mental preparation than others. It takes overcoming mental challenges in order to reach bliss.

 

Admit That You Want to Be Aroused and Reach Bliss

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Often times, a woman has a hard time admitting their need for sexual pleasure. There are a lot of reasons that you might not be willing to say you want your husband to please you.

Have you dealt with sexual abuse in your past? This can be a huge road block for letting go during intercourse. Sexual abuse victims are conditioned to feel bad about their bodies responses to sexual stimulation. If this is something you have dealt with, it could be keeping you from experiencing an orgasm.

Not to sound stereotypical, but a lot of times, women are more shy when it comes to their bodies. Do you feel embarrassed talking about sex, even with your spouse? If you have a hard time discussing sex, then it will affect your ability to climax.

Some women have a hard time talking about romance because of a strict religious upbringing. If you have spent any time on my blog at all, you will know that I love God and am a follower of Jesus. However, I will not ignore the fact that there are a lot of people that think talking about sex is wrong, even in the context of marriage.

It is important that you first admit to yourself that it is ok to want to orgasm and work toward having one. When you can accept that it is ok to be pleased sexually, you will have a better chance of climax.

Understand What Pleases Your Body

Again, I will generalize that women have a harder time feeling comfortable with their bodies. We do not self explore our genitals the way men do. Even as I write this, I can feel you are cringing at the thought of touching yourself.

I am not advocating that you take up masturbating. However, I am suggesting that you understand what feels good to you. Self exploration can take place in the presence of your husband.

I feel you cringing again. Stop. This is what I mean when I say women have a harder time admitting they want pleasure. Our first instincts are to conceal, don’t feel…especially if we have sexual baggage.

In order to climax, it is important that you know what feels good. You must be willing to guide your husband with your words or your hands. If you are in a trusting and loving relationship, he will want to do this for you.

Figure Out When You are Most Aroused

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There are certain times during the month that your body is naturally aroused. It has to do with your period cycle. Your body wants you to fertilize the egg inside of you.

There is a short window in the month that you will feel aroused without trying. Mark those days on your calendar and try to figure out the pattern. Shoot to plan an intimate night during those days. You have a better chance of climaxing when your body is already there.

Decide if You Are Ok With Direct Stimulation

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Not everyone lady will be ok with direct clitoral stimulation. The first time you orgasm, this might be exactly what it takes. A lot of woman can not achieve climax without direct stimulation.

If you do not feel comfortable touching your own cliterous, then I am guessing you will have a hard time letting your husband. God designed your body to feel pleasure from that spot, and it is ok that you feel good when you are touched there.

Your husband can either use his hands, mouth, or a vibrator to stimulate this area. If you aren’t comfortable with one of those methods, that is ok. You must decide what you are comfortable with and go for it.

Talk To Your Husband 

Talk to your husband about your desires and expectations ahead of time. Admit to him that you want him to sexually please you. Tell him what you would like to try in order to achieve that.

Also, you will need to talk with him during intercourse or manual stimulation about what feels good. Do not be afraid to tell him to stop doing something or start doing something different. Keep a kind attitude and he will be happy to help you.

Get Yourself in The Mood

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It takes us ladies a lot longer to get in the mood than it does our men. There are a lot of things you can do during the day that will get you excited about lovemaking. Go HERE and read my article on practical ways of becoming sexually aroused.

Make a Plan For a Night of Romance

For most ladies, it takes a lot to have their first orgasm. Even the ones you have thereafter will take concerted effort. If you are tired or pressed for time, it will cause you to not feel distracted during intercourse.

Take the time to plan a night of romance. Set it up a few days in advance. You can go HERE and read my suggestions on how to plan for a romantic night.

Let Anticipation Build Up For a Few Days

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The longer you feel sexually stimulated before you attempt to achieve climax, the more likely you will be successful. Plan your romantic encounter a few days in advance. Agree with your husband to stay celibate for those few days.

Be sure you build anticipation about your night together. Intentionally think about the sex life you share with your spouse. Flirt hard with each other during those days. Let the anticipation build up so that you are ready.


This can be a wonderful time that you and your spouse feel connected. Be willing to take the journey with him to figure out what makes you feel the best.

15 Beans and Rice Recipe

How to Make 15 Beans Into an Amazing Meal

It has taken some time for us to get to this point, but we eat beans every single week. At the start of my marriage, Austin didn’t care for beans that much, unless it was baked beans. Over the years, our budget has forced both of us to learn to love recipes that consist of beans. Now, everyone in our family looks forward to the meals I make using this simple ingredient.

Ingredients For the Recipe:

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Each week, I make a large pot of beans. All throughout the week, we use what I’ve made in other recipes. The first night, I make it like you would pinto beans and we eat it over rice.

1 small bag of 15 bean soup

1 cup kidney beans

1 cup black beans

1 cup chickpeas

1 cup pinto beans

1 large onion

3 Tablespoons Weber Gourmet Burger seasoning

2 Tablespoons Soul Food Seasoning

1 Tablespoon McCormick Southwest Seasoning

1/2 Tablespoon garlic

5 slices of lunch meat ham (optional)

1 Tablespoon Olive Oil to saute’ onions

Water to cover the beans

 How to Start The Beans 

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Cut the onion into small pieces and saute’ in olive oil. If you are using ham, add that in at this point. The recipe tastes great without meat. I know some people can’t stand the thought of not having meat in a meal.

Once onions are tender and ham is cooked, add all of the beans. Fill the pot with water and cover beans fully with an extra 2 inches of water. Add in all of the spices. The spices I have pictured under the ingredients list are the top of my arsenal of spices.

In particular, I’m fond of the Weber seasoning. If you do not have all the spices listed, then use what you have on hand. Chili powder and cumin can be used in place of any of the spices.

Cumin is spicy, so it is important that you keep that in mind when replacing other spices with it. I’d suggest you use no more than 1/2 a tablespoon in the pot.

How to Cook The Recipe

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Turn the burner up to high and bring pot to a boil. Cover the pot and turn down to just above medium heat. It takes about 2-3 hours to cook the recipe in full.

When you cook it in a pot, you have to keep a close eye on it. I’ve burned up more pots of beans than I care to admit. When I’m making this recipe, I have to add water to the pot at least three or four times.

I like for my beans to be thick and not liquidy. In order to do that, I add just enough water at a time to keep the beans covered as they expand. This way, the water will always evaporate out. It is a fine balance I strike between not too wet and not too dry.

What to Serve it With

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Once my beans are the way I like them, I serve it over rice. Since I do not eat a lot of carbohydrates, I eat mine without the rice. Sometimes I make a salad out of it. I put down a bed of lettuce, add beans, cheese, sour cream, and salsa.

You can eat this recipe anyway you choose. It is best that you experiment with your tastes. You may find that the seasonings I have listed are not what you like. It could be you need to add more or take some away.

Good luck. If you make it, let me know how it turns out for you.

 

 

 

Why I Write About Recipes and Crafts on a Marriage and Romance Blog

Why I Write About Recipes and Food on a Marriage Blog

If you have taken a look over my posts, you’ll see that I focus my topics on sex and marriage. Other times I write about recipes or DIY crafts. In a internet full of niche’ blogs, you might wonder why I bother with anything other than marriage and sexual intimacy.

A Good Marriage Is More Than Just Good Sex

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Aren’t there other blogs that you can read that post recipes or crafts? Sure, there are plenty of great recipes on the internet. Of course you can find someone else who is doing just as good a job of blogging about projects.

On a blog that talks about marriage, you should see that there is much more to it than having a good sex life. If all you ever see from me is how to have better or more intimate sex, then I’m doing you a disservice. A good sex life comes from doing life with your partner.

Build Your Relationship By Checking Off Your To-do’s

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Wouldn’t it be nice if we could spend all day long laying in bed in our lover’s arms? Maybe a day or two of that, but you have to go back to life at some point. That means cooking dinner, going to the grocery store and helping out with homework.

All of us have a to-do list of things that need to be accomplished each day. Instead of looking at the tasks you do as one isolated event, consider seeing your life as a whole. Every task or to-do is part of being married and loving your partner.

Accomplish Your Tasks With Your Marriage in Mind

By going to work, taking care of children, or cleaning up after a sick pet is part of your marriage. Taking care of one another and our families through tasks is what it means to be in a relationship.

I love my husband in a tremendous way. Part of showing him that love is how I take care of our home. Cooking dinner each night is a labor of love. Helping the kids with homework and projects is another way to show my husband how much I care about him.

We both go to work everyday with one thing in mind, each other. He does not go to work so he can get away from me. He works because he wants to provide for our family. He shows me he loves me when he does dishes or takes out the trash.

Marriage is Destroyed When Tasks Are Not Shared

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The mundane tasks in life can build your marriage or destroy it. Think of how much it frustrates you when your spouse does not help out around the house or with other tasks. If your spouse is not doing as much as you feel they should, it affects you negatively.

Negotiating housework, job obligations, and parenting is what makes relationships tough. You and your partner should talk about expectations and be willing to change. When you have expectations that are not met, it is the start of destruction in the marriage.

You would be wrong to think that the way you handle your chore list doesn’t affect your sex life.

Sexual Intimacy Starts Before You Get in the Bedroom

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There is a difference between sex that feels good and sex that makes you one with your husband or wife. Before you can enjoy an intimate sexual experience, you have to build your relationship. The way you handle your tasks and responsibilities has a lot to do with intimacy.

Show Love To Your Spouse By Accomplishing Tasks

Have you ever walked in a room and saw you spouse doing a chore that is normally yours? If you have experienced this, then you’ll know you feel loved. Maybe you have watched your spouse love on your children. It is heart warming to see any parent love the children, in particular your partner.

You can fill your partner’s heart with love by doing simple things for them. Let’s be honest, doing the dishes is not just for your spouse. It is for you and everyone in your family. However, if your spouse is the one that does dishes in general, they will greatly appreciate having a break from it.

Doing Life Together Makes You Close

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When you got married to that handsome man or beautiful woman, you were committing to doing life together. Years down the road, it can seem like you are doing anything but life together. Instead of  looking at what you do as separate, think of doing it as a team.

Take a Team Approach to Life

When you and your partner take the team approach to life, you will feel more connected. Instead of labeling a task as being the sole responsibility of just one, make it the responsibility of whoever sees that it needs to be done.

Keeping score in a relationship can get you in trouble. Isn’t it funny how it can start with chores. You keep track of how many times you did dishes this week or helped the kids with homework next to the production of your spouse.

Instead of keeping score of how much more you do than your loved one, look at it from a team perspective. Think of how much you got accomplished in a week together.

 

What do you think it takes to build an intimate relationship with the one you love?

 

How to Dress Like Maleficent

How to Dress Like Maleficent for Halloween

Last weekend I needed a costume idea for a children’s harvest festival. Since I was planning to face paint, I chose a Disney character. Sleeping Beauty is my favorite princess movie.

 

How to Dress Like Maleficent For Halloween

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You will need an all black outfit. Look at scenes from the new movie to get inspiration. It just so happened that I happened to have a long black dress. I also have a black wrap that looks a lot like a cape.

I paired the outfit with a black collard button up shirt. I did this to make it look as if my cape had a collar. For the shoes, I just put on a pair of black slipon shoes. You can’t see Angelina Jolie’s feet in the movie.

How to Make the Horns For the DIY Costume

The biggest challenge to dressing like this character is the horns. It took me some time to figure out what to do. There are some simple ways to do this.

You can cut the horns out of a piece of cardboard. Paint the cardboard black. Staples the horns to a black headband. Put the headband around your head with the horns at the back of your head.

What I did to Make My Horns

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I did not want to have flat looking horns. For that reason, I did something much more extravagant. Pretty much that is what I tend to do.

To begin with, you will need a piece of thick foam. I used the lid to a foam cooler. Draw the shape of the horns and cut the foam out. Wrap the foam horns in black material. Use straight pins to push the cloth into the foam.

I attached my foam horns to a plastic insert that came from one of my children’s construction hats. I don’t know what you can use in place of this. I tried to use a headband, but the horns were too heavy. You might be able to retrofit a hat you own. Just take the bill off of it.

After I put the horns on my head, I took another piece of black material to wrap around my hair. I wrapped my hair with the cloth first and then put the horns over it. It took some doing, but I wrapped the cloth around my head to look like a cap.

Once my hair was wrapped in the cloth. I attached a triangle shaped piece of cloth to the front. This gave the right look to the horns.

How to Do Makeup For Maleficent Halloween Costume

I’m not the best maekup artist by far. In fact, I do not own a lot of makeup either. In order to do my makeup for this character, I watched a youtube video tutorial. You can see the tutorial I used HERE. She did a really good job in the video. I do not think my makeup looked as pretty as her makeup did.

Good luck on dressing like this story book character.  This made for  great DIY costume for Halloween.

 

Give a Night of Romance

Romantic Gifts For Him

I can’t even believe I’m writing this, but Christmas is getting close. Close enough to start thinking about what you are going to give your man. If you are anything like me, I never know what to give my husband for any holiday. He never knows what to tell me to give him either.

Give Your Partner the Gift of Romance

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What man doesn’t love a night where you spend your time and attention meeting his needs? For Christmas this year, you can give him an experience instead of a tangible gift. Give him something that is romantic and will get him and you ready for a night of falling in love.

For the men out there looking for romantic gifts for their wives, these ideas can be used. Woman are not as different as you might think when it comes to romance.

Build Anticipation For Sexual Intimacy

Start ahead of time telling your spouse of the night you have planned for them. It is up to you how much time you give. If it is a little last minute, then a few hours notice would work as well. If you have more time than that, give them a day or two notice.

Building anticipation of an exciting night can help you both enjoy it more. Think of the excitement you feel when you plan for a trip or outing. You spend a lot of time thinking about everything you will do. It makes the experience that much greater. It is no different when you are planning for a night of sexual intimacy.

Invite Them to Have an Intimate Night

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It is time to figure out how you plan to tell your spouse what you have in store for them. Leaving lingerie somewhere they will find it can send a powerful message.

Send a text the day of and tell them you have a surprise for later on that night. You don’t have to go into detail. Leaving it up to their imagination can be a great way to build anticipation.

You could go a more formal route and send them an invitation or create a private facebook event.

Make a Plan For the Evening

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Take the time to come up with a plan for the evening. If you feel you need a sitter, then go ahead and arrange that. Overnight sitters can be hard to come by, so if that is the case make the plans for when they are tucked in bed.

Decide how much time you have to spend with each other. Depending on your time limits will determine what you can do with each other. Just be sure to leave plenty of time for a long session of love making.

Whatever you decide to do for the evening, try to make it out of the usual. It will make the night even more fun.

Come Up With a Sexy Game

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Playing a sexy game can add a lot to your night. Coming up with your own game can be simple. Make a paper die and write actions on each of the squares. That will take the guessing out of what you and your spouse can do. Write whatever foreplay moves you like the most.

Another simple idea is to do a truth or dare game. You can write up some questions and dares ahead of time. Just make sure they are focused on being intimate with one another.

Pick The Right Room For Romance

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Decide which room of your house you plan to spend your time. Create an atmosphere that you both will like. If you plan to do this during Christmas, camping out in front of your tree or the fireplace might be nice.

Of course, you need to use discretion here. Children are a real mood killer. If either of you think your kids are going to come out of their rooms and see you, then it might be best to stay in the bedroom.

Set Up The Room

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You can set out candles or play soft mood music. If you want to spend your time on the floor, put out a blanket and pillows. Setting out hot chocolate can be fun to sip on. I personally like drinking sparkling cider on romantic nights. Whether you come up with decorations, at least try to clean up a bit before the night.

Decide What to Wear

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Pick out something to wear that you will feel sexy in. It doesn’t have to be lingerie, but something you feel you look good in. I’m a pretty modest person, but I have a few shirts in my closet that I would pull out for such a night as this. It is fun for my husband to see me in clothes that I wear just for him.

Stay Relaxed and Flexible

The most important thing to remember is to have fun. Be relaxed and stay flexible with your night. If you have a plan, be ready to deviate when necessary. I’ve had times where I planned out a night for my husband and I, but we ended up doing things that weren’t planned.

Sometimes, all you have to do is show up in a hot outfit and be available. Whatever you decide to do with your loved for Christmas, remember it is supposed to be fun. If you hit a place where you are stressed out about everything going according to plan, take a step back. Just show up and be available.

These are just a few ideas that can get you started on coming up with a romantic night. You don’t have to wait until Christmas to put together a special night. Anytime would be well received.


What are your thoughts? Do you have a romantic gift idea? I’d love to hear about it in the comments.

How to Increase Desire and Get in the Mood

If you are in a healthy marriage, you probably understand the importance of sexual intimacy. With busy schedules and raising families, intimate encounters can get lost in the shuffle. You have to be intentional about spending time with your spouse.

 

Focusing on Sex Can Be a Challenge

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Focusing your attention on physically pleasing your spouse can be a challenge. It is a lot easier to make sex a priority if you are in the mood. More often than not, I have to intentionally prepare myself for a romantic night.

There are a lot of ways to feel sexually aroused. Some ways are beneficial to your marriage. There are also other means that can damage you and your spouse.

 You can read my post HERE about how duty sex can damage your relationship. 

Porn is used by many individuals and couples to increase desire.

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Plenty of couples use pornography to stimulate their minds. A lot of people say it is a healthy way to enhance your time together. On the contrary, this outlet creates a lot of problems in any relationship.

The fantasies you see playing out on screen are just that, fantasies. This is not a realistic picture of a love life. It can breed resentment from one partner or the other for not being able to meet the unreasonable standards.

Anything you do that will cause your spouse to feel unloved should be avoided. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that viewing other naked people or sexual acts is healthy for you.

What are Healthy Ways to Feel Sexually Aroused

 

Becoming aroused can be achieved in many healthy ways. I can’t give tell you exactly what will help you feel ready for intimacy, but I can give you some helpful ideas.

Physical affection is a sure fire way to get you in the mood. How often have you gotten done with foreplay and didn’t feel ready to take it further? The problem is when you don’t feel like engaging in physical intimacy.

For many, getting in the mood has to start during the day. You don’t have to be around your spouse to desire sex.

 

What I do to prepare myself to for a romantic night ahead of time.

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For me, romance has a lot to do with atmosphere. I’ve made a conscious effort to create a romantic environment in my bedroom. Aside from keeping it clean, I have decorated in such a way that I feel romanced.

There are two strands of white lights buried in sheer curtains that hang over my bed. Soft lighting helps me feel calm and relaxed. Also, there are plenty of candles ready to be lit. We keep battery operated candles next to the bed.

Instrumental jazz music is another great way to help me feel ready. I’m also partial to certain fragrances. Men’s cologne can be a huge turn on. I burn candles that put off the right scent.

 

Focusing Thoughts on My Husband

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During the day, I purposefully think about my husband. This can range from innocent thoughts to more intimate ideas. You should be fantasizing about your partner. Daydreaming about the night to come builds anticipation and excitement.

I also try do something that shows him I love him. Whether it is making a special dinner or sending a random text during the day. It can be as complicated as I have time for.

 

Flirting Puts Both of Us in the Mood

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It is very important to me that I flirt with my husband when he gets home. It helps me feel ready for a romantic night. Not only that, it makes him feel loved.

Think back to how you flirted with one another during dating days. Remember how your heart used to skip a beat when you brushed your loved ones arm? Or how you stared into their eyes right before you kissed?

Flirting with your spouse is a great way to feel romanced as well as romance the other. Everyone has a different idea of what being flirtatious looks like. You have to define that for yourselves.

Foreplay Builds Sexual Desires in Both People

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Maybe you do not have a lot of time to devote to intimate encounters each time. It is ok to skip out on the foreplay sometimes, but it shouldn’t be ignored. Those moments can be what your daydreams are made of.

A satisfying sex life is comprised of many aspects of your relationship. It isn’t just the physical act, but everything that surrounds it. Fantasizing, flirting, and foreplay go a long way in helping you feel satisfied.

These are some of the methods that work for me. You have to figure out what works for you. If the thought of admitting you have sexual needs causes you to feel embarrassed, then that mindset should be addressed.

 

 

Is Having Intercouse Out of Obligation Damaging Your Marriage?

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If you are in a marriage with someone that has a higher libido than you, there might be times when you have sex out of obligation. It is not wrong for all individuals to have physical intimacy out of obligation. 

Is Being Intimate Out of Obligation Ok For Couples

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For some people, this works well. It helps them to meet the needs of their loved one. When it is done in a selfless way on occasion, it has its benefits for both people in the marriage.

An individual with a low libido that wants to show their spouse they care through sexual encounters is a good thing. Some people can do this without it affecting them negatively.

Not all romantic relationships benefit from obligation. There are a fair share of marriages where intimate relations out of obligation is damaging. 

Why Having Duty Sex Was Damaging to My Marriage

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There have been times in my marriage where I’ve had sex out of obligation. In my marriage, this type of duty is not beneficial. After a few years, I realized how detrimental it was to my relationship. There wasn’t a time that I had duty sex that it didn’t cause me to feel a lot of resentment toward my husband.

One of two things would happen to make me feel resentment.

Sometimes I would start off not being in the mood. Maybe I was tired or not feeling well. Half the time, it would have started feeling good to me right when our time was over. I’d walk away feeling disappointed because I didn’t feel physically satisfied.

I did things to show him love all day.

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If I wasn’t in the mood by the time it was over, I’d be mad. It felt like he was one more person in my life taking from me, but not giving back. I have always poured a lot of time and energy into the home.

Every day it is homemade meals to daily chores all while juggling kids. At the start of my marriage, I was doing most of it while he was at school or work.

Why Rejecting Sex Was Damaging My Husband

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He felt rejected if he showed interest in being intimate with me and I declined. It wasn’t my intention to make him feel this way, but he did. If he caught me on a night I wasn’t interested, I’d go to him the next day for physical intimacy. That was my way of trying to make him feel better.

Even though I promptly had intimate time with him, the damage had been done. Just the words, “not tonight”, were devastating to him. 

He stopped pursuing me physically to avoid rejection.

By saying no to physical intimacy, I was telling him I didn’t love him. That was never what I was saying. It became a problem that was driving a wedge between us.

When I realized that he was not pursuing me for intimacy, I had to figure out how to want to have more intercourse. I needed to stop feeling resentment for spending time with him out of duty.

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I asked myself why I was saying no

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The low sex drive was my problem, and I needed to fix it. I asked myself why was I telling him “no”. This happened on a weekly basis. I made it a point to never say no more than once a week.

I know I’m not the only one that needs hours to get in the mood. Every night after dinner, I would wonder if we would be intimate that night. I’d read his body language. If he acted flirty, then I knew it would happen.

I Thought He Wasn’t Interested

If he wasn’t giving me the love making signs, then I would assume he wasn’t interested. If he didn’t seem interested, I would keep myself from feeling sexual desire. Just in case he didn’t pursue me, I didn’t want to feel disappointed.

At night we would get ready to get in the bed and suddenly he would be interested. For some reason, he would look over at me as if it were the first time he saw me all day. I would not be ready for being physical at this point. It was time to go to sleep in my mind.

I Took a Proactive Approach To My Sex Life

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I decided it was time I took a more proactive approach. I didn’t want to keep hurting him by saying no. Also, I needed to stop feeling resentment and anger over feeling obligated.

Changed my mindset about intimacy

That is when I decided that every two days, we were going to have sex. I went ahead and told myself, every two days we would be intimate. If he didn’t approach me for intimacy on the second day, I would step outside of my comfort zone and go to him.

I am not suggesting that every couple out there should be together every two days. That is what has worked for our relationship. You need to decide for your own marriage what is best.

Overcoming the Fears of Asking for Sex

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I don’t know about you, but it was really hard to ask for sex. It was hard to admit that I had those needs and I wanted him to fill them. It was necessary for my plan to work.

I had to come up with ways to help myself get in the mood. 

When I decided that we were going to be together more often, it made me get myself in the mood. I couldn’t wait around and hope he would flirt to get me in the mood. I had to make those things happen for myself.

Go HERE to read how I help myself get in the mood on the days I know we will be together.

Through working up my nerve, I figured out how to let him know we needed to spend intimate time together. Over the last few years, it has gotten easier for me to tell him what I need both physically and emotionally.

I encourage you to to look at your marriage and figure out how where you stand. Are you often declining intimacy? If so, why? Are you the one with a higher drive? How is your low drive partner making you feel?

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