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Questions to Ask When Thinking of Ways to Spice up the Bedroom

Has your spouse been after you to try something new in the bedroom? Maybe you have been searching around for some fresh ideas that will spice up your sex life. Exploring new positions and trying new things can be a lot of fun for a couple. Some ideas may cause you quite a bit of reserve. Here are a few things you can ask yourself.

1. What Causes Me Concern About the Sexual Act?

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This is a legitimate question that a lot of people ask when contemplating a new position or form of sexual intimacy. Your concerns may be about sanitation, physical safety, or morality. Really think through what is bothering you about the sexual act in question.

 

Concerned about sanitation…

If it is a matter of sanitation, such as having sex on your period or anal, then ask yourself if there is something you can do that will make it more sanitary. Even if you address the actual sanitation problem, you might still have the ick factor in your mind. At least try to brainstorm a way around it.

Concerned about physical safety…

Let’s be honest, as you get older, you lose a lot of mobility. Not every position out there lends itself to people who aren’t working out at the gym. There are other safety concerns, such as hurting your body through an act of sex.

Until you try something, it might be hard to know if you can handle it or not. Sometimes, you can go into a physical session with the understanding that it might not work out and you will both be ok with it. Other times, you know for a fact something will hurt you and it isn’t worth pursuing.

Concerned about morality…

There are plenty of sexual acts that are pushed by society that raise real moral issues. Inviting other people to your bed is without a doubt an act of adultery. However, some people have a hard time with certain acts of sex because they were taught to be reserved in the bedroom.

When you are asking yourself if the sex act is ok, take the time to read your Bible. Pray to God about it. He will give you direction and peace about your question. Sometimes, we have an idea that certain sex acts are off limits, because they sex has been so perverted in our culture. It is hard to know what is right or wrong.

2. Why Do You or Your Spouse Want to Try The New Position?

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It is really important you identify why you or your spouse wants to try the intimate act in question. We all go through periods of time in our sex lives where we crave something a little different. Desiring to try something new with your spouse can be a really good thing in bringing intimacy.

There are other times that we have the wrong motivation for wanting to try something new. If you or your spouse have been watching porn or television sex, or reading romance novels, trying something you see can be a disaster.

I’m going to be honest, that stuff you see in movies or read in books is complete crap. Not too many people can have a sexual experience like that. Some of the positions are not even possible without really hurting one or both of the people involved.

3. Will The Act of Sex Make Me Feel Good About Myself?

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Sex is supposed to be a good experience for both you and your spouse. God created sex to be enjoyed by a husband and wife in respect. If one or both of the partners are degraded during the act, then it is best you find something different to try. You should never walk away from sex with your spouse feeling shame or bad about who you are.

4. Will the Physical Act Bring Up Bad Memories?

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For those that have experienced sexual abuse as a child or in a relationship, then some intimate acts can be mentally damaging. I’m not saying that you can’t ever feel freedom from the abuse that has happened to you, but it is ok to say no to something that reminds you of a dark time in your life.

5. Are You Honoring God With Your Sex Life?

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This is the top question every couple should ask. Are you honoring God with your sex life? This takes on so many forms. If either partner has reserves about an act of sex, it would not be honoring to God to push them into the act. If you are doing something that is immoral or against scripture, than those acts should also be avoided.

6. Is The Initiating Party Forcing The Other Into Something They Are Not Comfortable With?

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Encouraging your spouse to explore their sexuality with you is a healthy thing in a marriage. However, pushing or demanding your spouse to engage in something they are not comfortable with is very damaging. If you have a spouse that is trying to force you into doing something that you have said “no” to on several occasions, it is time to ask “why?”.

Why are you pushing back against the act, and why is your spouse pushing so hard to have it? This goes both ways. If there is a physical act that you just can’t get out of your head and don’t know why your spouse won’t go for it, it’s time to ask “why?”.


At the end of the day, if you or spouse do not want to engage in the form of physical intimacy in question, then it is time to give it up for a while, if not forever. I’m not saying that over the course of time that you can’t come back and re-visit a sex act. However, if one of you is not ok with the idea in question, then it is time to drop it.

Is it Ok to Flirt With Other People When You Are Married?

I have had this question gnawing away at me for a few weeks now. I’m finally at a point in which I can address the issue at hand. The question I’ve been pondering is, “Is it ok to flirt with people of the opposite sex when you are married?” I want to give a one word answer to this, but I don’t think that most answers are that cut and dry.

What Does it Mean to Flirt?

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Defining what flirting means has been one of the hardest parts of answer this question. Unless we are all on the same page about what it means to flirt, then I don’t know if we can come up with an answer that we agree upon. When I am talking about flirting, I’m picturing someone doing or saying something to get special attention from a person of the opposite sex.

It isn’t all about the words or actions that you choose, it is about catching the eye of someone else. Some people misinterpret kindness as flirting. I can see that line of reasoning in some situations. If you have a guy or girl that is only used to receiving positive attention in hopes that sex will occur, then any positive actions can seem like flirting to them.

What I Want You to Walk Away With About the Idea of Flirting

I’m not going to make a long list of all of these actions or words that are considered to be flirty. There are a lot of signs that someone is into you or trying to get your attention in a flirtatious way. Instead, I want you to focus on the intent of everything you do or say.

You know your own heart when it comes to actions. I’m asking you to take a look at what you are communicating to those around you with what you say and do. If what you are doing is intended to gain attention of someone you find attractive, or you just want the attention of the opposite sex so you can feel good about yourself, then you are flirting.

Is it Ok to Flirt With Others When You are Married?

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Now that I hope we are on the same page about what I mean when I say flirt, it is time to address the question at hand. Is it ok to flirt with someone else when you are married? The culture says that there is no harm in this type of action. The culture tells you that you can be flirty without negative consequences.

I am here to ask you to look at being flirtatious in a different way. Do you know what the Bible tells us about adultery. Jesus says in Matthew 5:28 that if a man looks at a woman with lust, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart. That is a pretty high standard wouldn’t you say?

What Did Jesus Mean in Matthew 5:28

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Do you think Jesus said that because He doesn’t want us to have any fun? Maybe you think He said that to scare us out of committing adultery. I believe Jesus tells us this because He knows our hearts. Jesus has a full understanding of the way humans think and work.

He tells us that looking at a woman or man with lust is a sin just like adultery is a sin. Since He knows humanity so well, He makes this statement so that we can understand how thoughts turn into actions. What you think about and dwell on has everything to do with what actions you take.

Can Flirting Lead to Adultery?

The short answer to this is, YES! Yes, flirting can lead to adultery. Even if you do not have a physical adultery with someone, you may are putting yourself at risk for adultery in your heart. When you seek attention with the purpose of feeling desired by someone you are attracted to, or someone of the opposite sex, you are on dangerous ground.

Real relationships develop an emotional connection. Not all emotional connections are sexual. Not all intimate connections are sexual either. If you build an emotional connection with someone through flirty actions and words, then you are setting yourself up for a dangerous relationship.

Would Your Spouse Approve of Your Actions Toward Members of the Opposite Sex? 

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If your spouse was a fly on the wall when you are bantering around with someone of the opposite sex, would they get upset? Anytime you feel that you must hide your behavior from your spouse, you are in dangerous territory. When you are engaging in relationships with others, those connections should have full disclosure.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun…and So Do Guys

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have fun with the people in your life. What I’m saying is that you should always check your motives when it comes to relationship building. Are you building a relationship with this person because they make you feel attractive or special? If so, then you should step back and put a hold on the connection.

We do not push safeguarding our marriages in this culture like we should. There is nothing wrong with missing out on a relationship because you are protecting your marriage.

What do you think, is it ok to flirt with others?

What I do Instead of Making New Year’s Resolutions

It’s almost New Year’s Eve and many are turning their thoughts to the year to come. Making resolutions has certainly gotten a bad rap over the years. I think a lot of people don’t even bother making them anymore, because it is almost impossible to stick with it. Instead of making resolutions on New Year’s, I do something else instead.

Reflect on the Year That Has Passed

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This is the time of year when I take a look back at the year. For the first time in a year, you can see the big picture. Austin and I spend time the last week of December talking about the year we are leaving behind. Some years, we are kicking the year to the curb. We have had quite a few years that we kicked to the curb.

Make Goals For the Year to Come

If all we did to wrap up the year was say sayonara to the year we ended and stopped there, we would miss out on a major part of being married. It is important to make goals in life. Whether it is in your marriage, family, education, job, or some combination of all three.

We take time on New Year’s Eve to think of what we want to accomplish in the coming year. At the end of the year, we can look back and see if we made it the way we hoped to. Even at the end of bad years, we still accomplished our goals set up the year before.

Goals Are Different Than New Year’s Resolutions

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There is a difference between a goal and a New Year’s Resolution. Probably the biggest difference between the two is the PR each has been given. New Year’s Resolutions have been turned into a list of Do’s and Don’t’s. Of course people aren’t going to follow a list like that. You can read about Why You Fail When You Make New Year’s Resolutions.

Goals have been pushed in a different light. These are dream that you feel motivated to work toward.

My Personal Goals For the Year

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I have a few personal goals that I’m working toward this year. Some are similar to what I accomplished last year.

First off, I plan to continue expanding this blog. My goal is to post more often. I am also working on more topics to discuss that pertain to marriage. I’m really excited about seeing this project grow.

In my writing business, I plan to pick up more clients and earn more income. As my children grow older, it is important that we make a bit more than we used to. The needs of children increase with age.

For my marriage, I am planning to grow even closer to Austin. With every passing year, we have grown deeper in love and intimacy.

With my children, I plan to work harder at building relationships. Since my oldest son will hit the double digits this summer, I need to do more intentional conversations. They are in school now, versus being homeschooled. It is important that I talk with them about subjects before their friends do.

Those are my goals for the year. What are your goals? I would love to hear about them. Feel free to leave me a message in the comment section below.

Top New Years Resolutions 2015 and What it Will Take to Keep It

Top New Year’s Resolutions 2015

New Year’s is days away and I’m sure your thoughts have already turned to what your resolutions will be. Most people make plans and goals for the coming year, even though they know they will break them. Here’s to the top 10 New Year’s resolutions and ways you can have a fighting chance of keeping them.

1. Stop Eating Out As Much

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Picking up carry out doesn’t count does it? As long as you don’t eat it at the restaurant, then it isn’t technically eating out, right? If that is the case, you might have a fighting chance at this one.

2. Lose 10 Pounds

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Let’s just hope you get the flu to help you out with this one. As long as you see that scale dip down 10 pounds for a day, I’d say goal met. Time to organize a flu party.

3. Save More Money

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Does this mean actual money in the bank? Cuz if not, I am pretty sure you can catch some great after Christmas sales. You’d likely be able to save up to 70% on all kinds of items.

4. Stop Yelling at the Kids as Much

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I’m envisioning you sending your kids on more overnights to Grandma’s to make this one happen.

5. Drink Less (Insert drink of choice)

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Again, I think sending the kids on overnights to Grandma’s is the key to this one as well. That goes for alcohol and coffee.

6. Stop Bad Habits

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Picking your nose is a bad habit. If you haven’t done that since 3rd grade, then I’d say you will probably keep this resolution.

7. Get More Exercise

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Walking from your desk to the coffee pot for a re-fill is absolutely exercise. I recommend you do that several times a day.

8. Learn How to do Something New

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With Youtube, you don’t even have to get off your couch to learn how to do something new. All you need to do is carve out some serious time to watch video tutorials.

9. Take a Trip to Someplace New

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Make sure you are standing in line at the new restaurant they are opening up down the street. That way you can scratch this one off your list pretty quick.

10. Get More Rest at Night

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I’m sticking with more overnights for the kids at Grandma’s house.

 

These are some of the top New Year’s Resolutions people love to make. Thanks to me, you now have some real ideas of how to scratch each one off your list. You’re welcome.

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Later on this week I’ll post why Austin and I do not make New Year’s Resolutions. I will also tell you what we do instead.

I Wish You A Merry Christmas

It is almost Christmas! I’m so very excited that we have the chance to celebrate the birth of our Savior. My wish for everyone is that you will find joy and peace during this season. Here are a few thoughts I want to leave with you as we approach the birth of Christ.

May You Experience God’s Love

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This is the time of year where we are reminded of God’s immense love for us. I hope that you see His love in your life through your family, friends or strangers.

Maybe Christmas Means a Little Bit More

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One of my favorite movies to watch during this time of year is The Grinch. The Grinch finds a different meaning for Christmas than the presents. Once he snatched all of the gifts from the town, Christmas came anyways. What a thought provoking line from a kid’s movie.

Christmas is the True Expression of Love

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Not only does God express His love to us, but Christmas is the perfect time for us to show love to others. It is a time when we can give to those that are less fortunate. Also, it is a time for us to show love to those that mean most to us.

It is Better to Give Than Get

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It is a bit counter cultural to say that it is better to give a present than to receive one. We see commercials all the time that talk about buying presents for everyone, including yourself. Paul tells us in Acts 20:35 to remember the words Jesus spoke, “It is more blessed to give than to receive”.

Merry Christmas to You and Your Family

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I hope that you all have a wonderful day with your family. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years.

 

Last Minute Gift Ideas That Are Cheap

Christmas is mere days away and it is time for last minute gift ideas to come out. I put together a few ideas that will not take long for you to put together. Check out the list I have going.

Simple Snowman Snack Craft

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This is a very simple snowman craft that wraps around a pack of popcorn or hot chocolate. If you want to see the full instructions of how I made this, go HERE. It took me about an hour to make 35 of these. All you need is the snack, a piece of white and black paper, markers, and ribbon.

Bad Day Box For a Friend or Family Member

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You can take my bad day box idea and create a fun gift for a friend or your spouse. Either you can go with the theme of it being a bad day box, or you can call it a day after Christmas survival kit. Put the individual’s favorite snacks and other items to help them relax after the holiday. To find out ideas of what I put in the bad day box, go HERE.

Paper Flower As a Pen Top or Other Decoration

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I learned to make fun paper flowers when I worked at a children’s camp. This is a great idea for girls of all ages. You can make a small flower as a pen top, or a larger one as decoration. To see the full tutorial on how to make this DIY craft, go HERE.

Give a Night of Romance For Your Spouse

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Not sure what to do for your spouse this Christmas? He or she is sure to love a special night that is dedicated to romance. This gift does not have to cost any money. All you need to do is take some time to plan it out. Go HERE to read some of my ideas to create a romantic night.

A Basket Full of Items to Snuggle Together

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Again, this is another gift that doesn’t require you to purchase anything. You can gather supplies and put them in a basket. This could be a fun gift for your spouse, or children. I put a blanket, pillow, movie, and hot chocolate in my basket. Depending on your budget, you can use items you own. Sometimes, it is the time together that is the real gift.

Homemade Muddy Buddy Chex Mix

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On the back of every box of chexmex you will find different recipes. I bought a box the other day to make some last minute treats for friends. I needed a gluten-free dessert for some of my relatives. I did a simple search for a muddy buddy recipe and put together this mix in a few minutes. It took peanut butter, butter, chocolate, chex, and powdered sugar.

White Chocolate Candy Cane Chex Mix

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I also found a recipe for a white chocolate, candy cane chex recipe on the back of the box. All I need for this recipe was a bag of white chocolate chips, 4 cups of chex, and 4 large crushed candy canes. Melt the chocolate in a microwave, mix in the candy cane and pour over chex. Spread out the mix onto wax paper and allow to cool.

 

These are a few last minute gift ideas that you can do this Christmas.

Simple Snowman Gift Idea

Last week I needed a last minute gift for the volunteers at the food pantry. I decided to give each volunteer a package of hot chocolate. To make the presentation a bit more fun, I made a simple snowman wrap.

How to Make a Snowman Wrap For Snacks

This project requires a piece of white paper, orange and black markers, black construction paper, and ribbon. You can wrap this paper around a pack of unpopped popcorn, hot chocolate, or anything flat.

Last Minute Gifts

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Start by placing the snack in the center of the paper. Then pull both sides to the center and place a piece of tape to hold the pieces together. Put another piece of tape at the bottom to keep the snack from falling out.

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Once you flip over the package, make an orange nose, two black eyes, and a dotted mouth. I made a small black hat for my snowmen. You can make something much larger than that if you choose. I had to make so many, I went with a smaller hat.

I tied a ribbon around the top to close it up. My ribbon had Christmas tags on the end that I used to write who the gift was from.

This is a great last minute gift idea. If you need something for teachers, classmates, or office staff, this would be a quick idea. I was able to make up 35 of these in about an hour. It didn’t take that long to accomplish.

Good luck if you choose to make this.

Couples Truth Or Dare Bedroom Game

Sexy truth or dare bedroom game for couples. Sexy dares for couples. Sexy dares for wife. Sexy dares for husbands.

Couples bedroom games are a great way to enhance your intimacy. That is why we have put together several games that you can play with your spouse.

Many of the games come with printables and others are in digital format.

What is Couples Truth or Dare for the Bedroom?

Do you remember Truth or Dare Party Game from your childhood? I do! It was a staple game at every sleep over I went to growing up.

This year I decided to take it up a notch and turn the concept into a sexy bedroom game.

Print The Cards

 

Want my free printable? Just sign up for the newsletter and I’ll email them directly to you.

When you print this off, be sure to select front and back printing. This will print truth or dare on one side of the card and the options on the other side. I suggest you use card stock if you can. Be sure to cut the cards apart.

This game is a perfect compliment to having an at home date night. I know it can be hard to get out with your spouse on a regular basis. I find spending time with your loved one in the comfort of your own home is a bonding experience.

Use The Game For an At Home Date Night

If you go with an at home date night, consider using Creative Conversation Starters. This will get your mind in the right mood for the night.

Women in particular need to be mentally ready and feel romanced ahead of time. When a woman is really ready, she has a better chance of achieving amazing physical pleasure.

If you are not able to print out the cards, here is a list of all the information you need to make your own.

What the Truth Cards Say

I put together a list of questions that will get you thinking and talking about sex. It is important that you talk about this intimate act you have with your spouse.

This is a game that is intended to get you in the mood. If you come across a question that might cause you to fight, skip it.

Use index cards or cut pieces of scrapbook paper to write the questions or dares on.

  • What’s your favorite sex position? (resource- Sex positions you can try)
  • What do you want me to say while we are having sex?
  • What is your idea of sexy bedroom language? Give me an example of what you mean.
  • What are is going through your mind while we have sex?
  • What did you think the first time you saw me naked?
  • Tell me what it is like to have sex with me.
  • If we could have sex anywhere in public and not get caught, tell me where it would be.
  • What do I do that really turns you on?
  • What are your favorite foreplay moves? (Great resource: Intended for Pleasure)
  • Would you rather have morning sex or night sex?
  • What movie couple has the love story most like ours? Explain.
  • Ask me anything you want to know.
  • Do you like for me to be loud when we are having sex or keep quiet?
  • How long would your ideal quickie last? Describe every detail to me.
  • Describe to me in detail the oral technique you like to use on me.
  • Do you want to try dirty talking? (resource: a full guide to Dirty Talk)

Please feel free to add to this list or subtract things you aren’t comfortable with. I encourage you to talk about things that make you uncomfortable.

What the Dare Cards Say

I spent quite a bit of time coming up with steamy actions that will get you and your spouse going.

  • Do your best twerking moves for 20 seconds.
  • Kiss me upside down like Mary Jane kissed Spiderman.
  • Use your tongue to write a word that describes me on my back.
  • Use your finger to write your name on your favorite part of my body.
  • Use my finger or hand and show me how you like to receive oral sex.
  • Kiss me anywhere you want.
  • Give me a  30 second lap dance.
  • Use your fingers to trace over your favorite parts of my body.
  • Hold my hand while you kiss me for 20 seconds.
  • Kiss your way down my back or stomach.
  • Massage me with oil any way you choose for 30 seconds.
  • Snuggle me how you like for 20 seconds.
  • Stimulate two parts of my body at once. Use your hands on one part and lips on the other.
  • Take a sexy selfie and text it to me right now.
  • Show me the part of your body that you think I find the sexiest.
  • Kiss me with your eyes open for 30 seconds.

How to Play Truth or Dare

Player 1 asks Player 2 to pick TRUTH or DARE.

Player 2 picks.

Player 1 pulls the top card from that pile.

Player 1 asks Player 2 the question or gives them the dare.

Player 2 answers question or performs dare.

Once Player 2 has done what is on the card, players switch.

The game is over when you say it is. I’d encourage you to play a few rounds to build up anticipation and excitement. One of the goals of this game is to make you stop and invest time in foreplay before you are intimate.

I hope you enjoy this game with your spouse and you both feel closer to one another. It is so important to invest in one another on a physical level.

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