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Dear Stay at Home Mom That Wishes She Could Go To Work

dear stay at home mom

Dear stay at home mom that wishes they could go to work,

I know it seems like going to work would solve so many problems. You could earn money your family desperately needs. Without your kids around, you might have the chance to feel like you accomplished something. There would be a chance you’d get some adult conversation in a day. You might even walk away feeling validated after a hard day’s worth of work.

It would solve some problems…

…but it would just as quickly create new ones. I’m writing to tell you that I understand where you are coming from. I’ve been a stay at home mom to my three boys for 8 years. I feel you when you say…

All you want is to have a “real” job…

…you know the kind that gives you a paycheck at the end of the week? One where you get to feel important and receive praise for your hard work. Not the thankless kind of job where you slave the days away for seemingly nothing…you want the kind that actually counts for something.

Everyone will tell you that staying at home matters….

….but you will never believe them. You will never believe that all the hours you spend at home wiping bottoms and cleaning house will really amount to anything. Instead, you feel that you are wasting your time and not making anything of yourself.

Some moms with “real” jobs will tell you how envious they are of you…

…and you roll your eyes. If they really knew what it was like to be home all day with 2 foot tall, ranting and raving human beings, then they wouldn’t feel the same way. After all, if you had the chance to take on a paid job, you would take it.

Other employed moms will tell you they could never stay home….

…and you think, “neither can I, but I do it anyways”. You just can’t afford the cost of daycare for multiple children. Then you wonder what kind of job they have that they can afford to pay for childcare. Or you may have chosen that the carrier you could pursue needed to be put on for a while.

You dream of when your kids will go to school…

…and swear you will get a job, but then you start worrying. What will you do when your kids are sick and can’t go to school? Who will stay home with them? Can you actually afford summer care? What if you can’t find a job, because you haven’t been employed for so long?

You get interrupted by your child when they come in with a poopy diaper….

….and you are drug back into the here and now. You get snapped back into the reality that you won’t have a “real” job anytime soon. There is nothing you can do about it. All you can do is get back to life as usual.

One day, it will happen…

…something will click in your mind and you will know that the years of staying at home was actually worth it. It won’t happen when your kids are in diapers or when you are pulling playdough out of their hair. Years and years will pass by before you get that first payday.

It won’t be a big payday…

…but a small trickle of rewards to come. It will be just enough of a boost in the arm to keep you going for a little longer. With each payday, you’ll put the pieces together and start to understand the job you have is a “real” job.

You have a “real” job…

…because the people in your life are real. All of the things you do in a day have to get done by someone. It doesn’t make the task any easier, but it does give validation to you on the days you feel like you are going nowhere fast.

There will come a moment when you realize…

…all these frustrating years may have been worth it. No one can make you understand the impact you have on the world around you as you stay at home day after day. No one will convince you that the way you have spent your years wasn’t a waste of time.

Instead, you will slowly arrive at the conclusion on your own…

…that you made the right choice when you decided to give up your own pursuits for a while to raise your babies. With each bean dinner you make and coupon you clip, you’ll be thankful that you have chosen to be home when your kids get off the bus.

…and then you’ll be a little more sympathetic toward the mom who’s juggling a job and raising children, because she doesn’t have another choice…


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**just so you know, I wrote this letter to take you through the process of my own thoughts while staying home with my children. It is not meant to make another woman feel bad about her situation. I hope that wherever you are in life, you will chose to accept it.***

Valentine’s Day Gifts For the College Guy in Your Life

Make this Valentine’s Day come alive for your guy who is away at college. Show him how special you think he is with one of these enjoyable and exceptional gifts. He will know you love him when he opens that box and sees a special Valentine’s Day gift just for him.

1. Car Travel Kit

For those long car rides home from school, he will appreciate a car travel kit. Find a plastic or metal storage case to place these useful items in case of emergencies. Fill will regional maps, a flashlight, compass, tire gauge, pencil, notebook, and any other items you feel he would need.

2. Candy Bouquet

Send him a Valentine’s Day bouquet that he will love. Either, purchase his favorite candy bars and attach them to thin dowel rods and place in a bunch, or order a candy bouquet from the link below.

3. Meat Flowers

For an extra unique gift this Valentine’s Day, invite him home for a meal. Present him with a homemade bouquet of meat flowers. These flowers are made by rolling up raw pieces of steak into the shape of a flower. The meat is attached to a flower base and wrapped up to look like a bouquet. For more detailed instructions, go HERE.

4. Picnic Backpack

Give him a picnic backpack this Valentine’s Day that he can carry with him while out on the trail or to a park. This backpack comes complete with dishes, utensils, and glasses. The insulated section of the bag will keep cold and hot foods at the appropriate temperatures.

Don’t let this Valentine’s Day pass by without showing him how much you love him and care for him. He will feel special and encouraged by any one of these fun and creative gifts.

7 Valentine’s Gifts Any Guy Would Like

Valentine’s Day is not just a lover’s holiday. This day gives you the opportunity to show all the men in your life how special they are to you.  Finding appropriate Valentine’s Day gifts for men that aren’t too feminine looking can be a challenge. Guys are not usually that impressed with pink hearts and red roses. For some Valentine’s Day gifts that you can give any man in your life, check out the following list of ideas.

1. Pizza Making Kit

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The way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, no matter how young or old. Put together a pizza kit. Buy a shelf stable crust, pizza sauce, pepperoni, cheese, and a mix of toppings that you know he will like. You can put the kit in an old pizza box to give it character. This would be a fun gift to drop off at his door with a movie in hand

2. Photo Collage

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Now would be a good time to pull up photos of great adventures you and he have shared together. With all the photo services out there that take your pictures and arrange them in collage perfection, you won’t have to worry about your lack of craft skills. If you are great at putting together creative picture displays, then print out those memories and put them together in a frame. Either way you go, it will be a memorable gift.

3. Basket of Snacks

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Put together a bag or basket full of snacks that he can eat whenever he wants. This gift is sure to beat flowers any days. You can add in popcorn, candy, trail mix, chips, cookies, and whatever else you like.

4. Favorite Drinks

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This simple idea requires you to purchase his favorite bottled drink. Print out some fun saying and tape on the bottles. Place the bottles back in the carrier and add a sign on the front that says “Soda want to be my Valentine?”. This is a fun great Valentine’s Day gift for any guy.

You can also print out these cute Valentine’s Day soda pop labels.

5. Bacon Roses

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Take the traditional Valentine’s gift and turn it on its head. Roll up row bacon and cook in the oven in muffin pans. Then take the bacon perfection and place it in a flower form. This is the perfect bouquet for any guy. Take a look at these step by step instructions. You will put a smile on his face in no time.

6. Valentines Marshmallow Pops

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Stick pretzel sticks or popsicle sticks in the bottom of marshmallows. Dip in chocolate or white chocolate. Top with sprinkles, mini chocolate chips, or some other small candy. You can also use icing to decorate the dipped marshmallows.

7. Candy Filled Tie

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Give him a tie he can really use. Follow the instructions HERE to make a tie bag and fill it with his favorite candy. All you have to do is take a plastic bag, tie it off at the top and cut out a triangle from colored paper to put at the top. This is a great alternative to the typical tie gift.

Whoever you want to buy for this Valentine’s Day, he will be happy to receive any of the unique and fun gifts on this list. Take this Valentine’s to show all the men in your life how much they mean to you.

 

Questions to Ask When Thinking of Ways to Spice up the Bedroom

Has your spouse been after you to try something new in the bedroom? Maybe you have been searching around for some fresh ideas that will spice up your sex life. Exploring new positions and trying new things can be a lot of fun for a couple. Some ideas may cause you quite a bit of reserve. Here are a few things you can ask yourself.

1. What Causes Me Concern About the Sexual Act?

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This is a legitimate question that a lot of people ask when contemplating a new position or form of sexual intimacy. Your concerns may be about sanitation, physical safety, or morality. Really think through what is bothering you about the sexual act in question.

 

Concerned about sanitation…

If it is a matter of sanitation, such as having sex on your period or anal, then ask yourself if there is something you can do that will make it more sanitary. Even if you address the actual sanitation problem, you might still have the ick factor in your mind. At least try to brainstorm a way around it.

Concerned about physical safety…

Let’s be honest, as you get older, you lose a lot of mobility. Not every position out there lends itself to people who aren’t working out at the gym. There are other safety concerns, such as hurting your body through an act of sex.

Until you try something, it might be hard to know if you can handle it or not. Sometimes, you can go into a physical session with the understanding that it might not work out and you will both be ok with it. Other times, you know for a fact something will hurt you and it isn’t worth pursuing.

Concerned about morality…

There are plenty of sexual acts that are pushed by society that raise real moral issues. Inviting other people to your bed is without a doubt an act of adultery. However, some people have a hard time with certain acts of sex because they were taught to be reserved in the bedroom.

When you are asking yourself if the sex act is ok, take the time to read your Bible. Pray to God about it. He will give you direction and peace about your question. Sometimes, we have an idea that certain sex acts are off limits, because they sex has been so perverted in our culture. It is hard to know what is right or wrong.

2. Why Do You or Your Spouse Want to Try The New Position?

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It is really important you identify why you or your spouse wants to try the intimate act in question. We all go through periods of time in our sex lives where we crave something a little different. Desiring to try something new with your spouse can be a really good thing in bringing intimacy.

There are other times that we have the wrong motivation for wanting to try something new. If you or your spouse have been watching porn or television sex, or reading romance novels, trying something you see can be a disaster.

I’m going to be honest, that stuff you see in movies or read in books is complete crap. Not too many people can have a sexual experience like that. Some of the positions are not even possible without really hurting one or both of the people involved.

3. Will The Act of Sex Make Me Feel Good About Myself?

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Sex is supposed to be a good experience for both you and your spouse. God created sex to be enjoyed by a husband and wife in respect. If one or both of the partners are degraded during the act, then it is best you find something different to try. You should never walk away from sex with your spouse feeling shame or bad about who you are.

4. Will the Physical Act Bring Up Bad Memories?

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For those that have experienced sexual abuse as a child or in a relationship, then some intimate acts can be mentally damaging. I’m not saying that you can’t ever feel freedom from the abuse that has happened to you, but it is ok to say no to something that reminds you of a dark time in your life.

5. Are You Honoring God With Your Sex Life?

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This is the top question every couple should ask. Are you honoring God with your sex life? This takes on so many forms. If either partner has reserves about an act of sex, it would not be honoring to God to push them into the act. If you are doing something that is immoral or against scripture, than those acts should also be avoided.

6. Is The Initiating Party Forcing The Other Into Something They Are Not Comfortable With?

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Encouraging your spouse to explore their sexuality with you is a healthy thing in a marriage. However, pushing or demanding your spouse to engage in something they are not comfortable with is very damaging. If you have a spouse that is trying to force you into doing something that you have said “no” to on several occasions, it is time to ask “why?”.

Why are you pushing back against the act, and why is your spouse pushing so hard to have it? This goes both ways. If there is a physical act that you just can’t get out of your head and don’t know why your spouse won’t go for it, it’s time to ask “why?”.


At the end of the day, if you or spouse do not want to engage in the form of physical intimacy in question, then it is time to give it up for a while, if not forever. I’m not saying that over the course of time that you can’t come back and re-visit a sex act. However, if one of you is not ok with the idea in question, then it is time to drop it.

Is it Ok to Flirt With Other People When You Are Married?

I have had this question gnawing away at me for a few weeks now. I’m finally at a point in which I can address the issue at hand. The question I’ve been pondering is, “Is it ok to flirt with people of the opposite sex when you are married?” I want to give a one word answer to this, but I don’t think that most answers are that cut and dry.

What Does it Mean to Flirt?

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Defining what flirting means has been one of the hardest parts of answer this question. Unless we are all on the same page about what it means to flirt, then I don’t know if we can come up with an answer that we agree upon. When I am talking about flirting, I’m picturing someone doing or saying something to get special attention from a person of the opposite sex.

It isn’t all about the words or actions that you choose, it is about catching the eye of someone else. Some people misinterpret kindness as flirting. I can see that line of reasoning in some situations. If you have a guy or girl that is only used to receiving positive attention in hopes that sex will occur, then any positive actions can seem like flirting to them.

What I Want You to Walk Away With About the Idea of Flirting

I’m not going to make a long list of all of these actions or words that are considered to be flirty. There are a lot of signs that someone is into you or trying to get your attention in a flirtatious way. Instead, I want you to focus on the intent of everything you do or say.

You know your own heart when it comes to actions. I’m asking you to take a look at what you are communicating to those around you with what you say and do. If what you are doing is intended to gain attention of someone you find attractive, or you just want the attention of the opposite sex so you can feel good about yourself, then you are flirting.

Is it Ok to Flirt With Others When You are Married?

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Now that I hope we are on the same page about what I mean when I say flirt, it is time to address the question at hand. Is it ok to flirt with someone else when you are married? The culture says that there is no harm in this type of action. The culture tells you that you can be flirty without negative consequences.

I am here to ask you to look at being flirtatious in a different way. Do you know what the Bible tells us about adultery. Jesus says in Matthew 5:28 that if a man looks at a woman with lust, he has already committed adultery with her in his heart. That is a pretty high standard wouldn’t you say?

What Did Jesus Mean in Matthew 5:28

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Do you think Jesus said that because He doesn’t want us to have any fun? Maybe you think He said that to scare us out of committing adultery. I believe Jesus tells us this because He knows our hearts. Jesus has a full understanding of the way humans think and work.

He tells us that looking at a woman or man with lust is a sin just like adultery is a sin. Since He knows humanity so well, He makes this statement so that we can understand how thoughts turn into actions. What you think about and dwell on has everything to do with what actions you take.

Can Flirting Lead to Adultery?

The short answer to this is, YES! Yes, flirting can lead to adultery. Even if you do not have a physical adultery with someone, you may are putting yourself at risk for adultery in your heart. When you seek attention with the purpose of feeling desired by someone you are attracted to, or someone of the opposite sex, you are on dangerous ground.

Real relationships develop an emotional connection. Not all emotional connections are sexual. Not all intimate connections are sexual either. If you build an emotional connection with someone through flirty actions and words, then you are setting yourself up for a dangerous relationship.

Would Your Spouse Approve of Your Actions Toward Members of the Opposite Sex? 

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If your spouse was a fly on the wall when you are bantering around with someone of the opposite sex, would they get upset? Anytime you feel that you must hide your behavior from your spouse, you are in dangerous territory. When you are engaging in relationships with others, those connections should have full disclosure.

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun…and So Do Guys

I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have fun with the people in your life. What I’m saying is that you should always check your motives when it comes to relationship building. Are you building a relationship with this person because they make you feel attractive or special? If so, then you should step back and put a hold on the connection.

We do not push safeguarding our marriages in this culture like we should. There is nothing wrong with missing out on a relationship because you are protecting your marriage.

What do you think, is it ok to flirt with others?

What I do Instead of Making New Year’s Resolutions

It’s almost New Year’s Eve and many are turning their thoughts to the year to come. Making resolutions has certainly gotten a bad rap over the years. I think a lot of people don’t even bother making them anymore, because it is almost impossible to stick with it. Instead of making resolutions on New Year’s, I do something else instead.

Reflect on the Year That Has Passed

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This is the time of year when I take a look back at the year. For the first time in a year, you can see the big picture. Austin and I spend time the last week of December talking about the year we are leaving behind. Some years, we are kicking the year to the curb. We have had quite a few years that we kicked to the curb.

Make Goals For the Year to Come

If all we did to wrap up the year was say sayonara to the year we ended and stopped there, we would miss out on a major part of being married. It is important to make goals in life. Whether it is in your marriage, family, education, job, or some combination of all three.

We take time on New Year’s Eve to think of what we want to accomplish in the coming year. At the end of the year, we can look back and see if we made it the way we hoped to. Even at the end of bad years, we still accomplished our goals set up the year before.

Goals Are Different Than New Year’s Resolutions

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There is a difference between a goal and a New Year’s Resolution. Probably the biggest difference between the two is the PR each has been given. New Year’s Resolutions have been turned into a list of Do’s and Don’t’s. Of course people aren’t going to follow a list like that. You can read about Why You Fail When You Make New Year’s Resolutions.

Goals have been pushed in a different light. These are dream that you feel motivated to work toward.

My Personal Goals For the Year

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I have a few personal goals that I’m working toward this year. Some are similar to what I accomplished last year.

First off, I plan to continue expanding this blog. My goal is to post more often. I am also working on more topics to discuss that pertain to marriage. I’m really excited about seeing this project grow.

In my writing business, I plan to pick up more clients and earn more income. As my children grow older, it is important that we make a bit more than we used to. The needs of children increase with age.

For my marriage, I am planning to grow even closer to Austin. With every passing year, we have grown deeper in love and intimacy.

With my children, I plan to work harder at building relationships. Since my oldest son will hit the double digits this summer, I need to do more intentional conversations. They are in school now, versus being homeschooled. It is important that I talk with them about subjects before their friends do.

Those are my goals for the year. What are your goals? I would love to hear about them. Feel free to leave me a message in the comment section below.

Top New Years Resolutions 2015 and What it Will Take to Keep It

Top New Year’s Resolutions 2015

New Year’s is days away and I’m sure your thoughts have already turned to what your resolutions will be. Most people make plans and goals for the coming year, even though they know they will break them. Here’s to the top 10 New Year’s resolutions and ways you can have a fighting chance of keeping them.

1. Stop Eating Out As Much

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Picking up carry out doesn’t count does it? As long as you don’t eat it at the restaurant, then it isn’t technically eating out, right? If that is the case, you might have a fighting chance at this one.

2. Lose 10 Pounds

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Let’s just hope you get the flu to help you out with this one. As long as you see that scale dip down 10 pounds for a day, I’d say goal met. Time to organize a flu party.

3. Save More Money

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Does this mean actual money in the bank? Cuz if not, I am pretty sure you can catch some great after Christmas sales. You’d likely be able to save up to 70% on all kinds of items.

4. Stop Yelling at the Kids as Much

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I’m envisioning you sending your kids on more overnights to Grandma’s to make this one happen.

5. Drink Less (Insert drink of choice)

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Again, I think sending the kids on overnights to Grandma’s is the key to this one as well. That goes for alcohol and coffee.

6. Stop Bad Habits

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Picking your nose is a bad habit. If you haven’t done that since 3rd grade, then I’d say you will probably keep this resolution.

7. Get More Exercise

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Walking from your desk to the coffee pot for a re-fill is absolutely exercise. I recommend you do that several times a day.

8. Learn How to do Something New

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With Youtube, you don’t even have to get off your couch to learn how to do something new. All you need to do is carve out some serious time to watch video tutorials.

9. Take a Trip to Someplace New

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Make sure you are standing in line at the new restaurant they are opening up down the street. That way you can scratch this one off your list pretty quick.

10. Get More Rest at Night

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I’m sticking with more overnights for the kids at Grandma’s house.

 

These are some of the top New Year’s Resolutions people love to make. Thanks to me, you now have some real ideas of how to scratch each one off your list. You’re welcome.

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Later on this week I’ll post why Austin and I do not make New Year’s Resolutions. I will also tell you what we do instead.

I Wish You A Merry Christmas

It is almost Christmas! I’m so very excited that we have the chance to celebrate the birth of our Savior. My wish for everyone is that you will find joy and peace during this season. Here are a few thoughts I want to leave with you as we approach the birth of Christ.

May You Experience God’s Love

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This is the time of year where we are reminded of God’s immense love for us. I hope that you see His love in your life through your family, friends or strangers.

Maybe Christmas Means a Little Bit More

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One of my favorite movies to watch during this time of year is The Grinch. The Grinch finds a different meaning for Christmas than the presents. Once he snatched all of the gifts from the town, Christmas came anyways. What a thought provoking line from a kid’s movie.

Christmas is the True Expression of Love

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Not only does God express His love to us, but Christmas is the perfect time for us to show love to others. It is a time when we can give to those that are less fortunate. Also, it is a time for us to show love to those that mean most to us.

It is Better to Give Than Get

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It is a bit counter cultural to say that it is better to give a present than to receive one. We see commercials all the time that talk about buying presents for everyone, including yourself. Paul tells us in Acts 20:35 to remember the words Jesus spoke, “It is more blessed to give than to receive”.

Merry Christmas to You and Your Family

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I hope that you all have a wonderful day with your family. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years.