Some women have a hard time admitting they have needs for physical intimacy and stimulation. For the individuals that struggle to communicate that feeling, it can be a hindrance to your love life. It is very important that you overcome the shyness you feel in this area so that you can give yourself more freely in intimate moments.
Why Is it Hard to Admit You Have Desires For Sex?
For each woman, the answer to this question will vary. Some have a lot of baggage from abuse that they must get over. Others were brought up in strict homes where sex was a forbidden subject. A lot of women are naturally shy when it comes to their bodies.
Whatever the reason, your need for sex was given to you by God. It is ok to have sexual needs that you want to be fulfilled. It might make you feel uncomfortable, but once you step outside of that comfort zone, you will find freedom in your love life.
My Struggle With Admitting My Sexual Needs
I think I had a pretty good understanding that sex was a wonderful thing that God gave us to enjoy in marriage. All my life growing up, I was allowed to freely discuss sex with my parents. I didn’t go into my marriage with a lot of questions.
While I had a good handle on understanding that sexual intimacy was a vital part of marriage, I didn’t want to admit I had needs. Like a lot of women, I was shy about saying I had the need to be with my husband in an intimate setting.
If you know me, then you know I am not a shy person at all. I’m actually really good at speaking my mind. That is why I felt even more embarrassed that I had a hard time telling my husband I wanted to have sex.
Waiting to Be Approached Means You Miss Out on Sex
On the days that I was really in the mood, I would just hope that my husband would approach me for intimacy. When we were first married, I could count on him coming to me most nights.
As the years passed, things changed in our marriage. My husband wasn’t coming to me as often as he did when we first got married. It was then that I realized my sexual appetite had grown over the years.
There were days I really needed intimate time with my husband, but was too embarrassed to come right out and say it. I would try to hint around and hope he would understand what I was saying.
I’m not good at beating around the bush, and I usually come right out and say what is on my mind. For that reason, Austin didn’t usually pick up on my hints. It was hurting my sex life that when it came to admitting I wanted sex, I really struggled to say it.
Get Outside of Your Comfort Zone
My sex life was suffering because I wouldn’t pursue my husband when I needed him. I was sexually frustrated and he didn’t think that I really wanted to have sex with him. It was in the best interest of both of us that I move outside of my comfort zone and initiate sex.
I worked hard to change my mindset about intimacy. During the day, I would do what it took to get myself in the mood. This would help me to initiate sex more in the evenings. If I was in the mood, I wouldn’t go to bed as easily without having an intimate encounter.
Feel Freedom in Your Love Life
It was really freeing to admit my sexual needs. I’m not in control of our sex life or anything, but I am very proactive now. It has brought great benefits to my marriage to take an active role.
On the flip side of things, my husband has taken a more active role in dating me. For a long time, I was the only one that planned dates. It really bothered me that he was not more involved.
Over the last few years, he has taken an active role. I think some of it has to do with me taking an active role in our physical affection. It gives him the ability to focus on more than just sex.
By admitting you want and need sex, you will feel freer to ask for things. Also, it leads to greater adventure in the bedroom.
Be Proactive In Your Sex Life
If you are in a marriage where your spouse has a spontaneous drive, I hope that you will work toward being more proactive. Don’t think about it is just for them. Instead, think about how it will benefit you both.
If you are not initiating sex with your spouse, then you should really reconsider that. It will really boost your spouse’s self-esteem if you pursue them sexually. Not only that, but it will also boost your own self-esteem as you gain confidence in your sexuality.
Ways to Initiate Sex
Here are a few ways you can grow in your confidence and initiate sex.
Put it on the schedule so you both know it’s happening.
Text your spouse earlier in the day and let them know what you want later on.
Come up with a secret “sign” that your spouse will identify as you asking for sex. For example, light a candle or play a certain kind of music.
Develop a sex fragrance. To do this, wear the same fragrance every time you have sex, and your spouse will get the hint that you’re in the mood when you put it on.
Learn to come right out and ask them. This may take you longer to feel comfortable with than other methods, but it should be the ultimate goal.
These are a few things you can do to initiate sex. The more you do this, the easier it will become. And…your spouse will learn your signs faster. But, I always say it is best to come right out and say it.
Keelie is a mother of three amazing boys and married to her high school sweetheart, Austin. She spends her days running R5 Website Management, taking care of the home, and investing in her children. In her spare time, she loves to encourage married couples to grow deeper in their relationship and find joy in their marriage.