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Awww. Sweet post 🙂

Great article. Preparing throughout the day for intimacy is helpful to many persons.

You are so right about being naked in bed providing the opportunity for creating more non-sexual touch in a marriage. It is true that if you have been starving your husband’s visual and tactile senses, the two of you will likely go through an adjustment period of increased sexual touching and other sexual attentions. After he reaches a satiation point and knows your nude body will be available to him on a regular and repeating basis things will calm down some.

There may be increased sexual attention because of the increased opportunity to touch your body, but the nonsexual touching will begin to grow and this will provide for increased bonding experiences.

I know when my wife and I go through an extended stretch without sex, the first thing I want to do is spend a prolonged period just touching her all over her body from her toes to the top of her head. I am in no rush to get to the sex. I need that lengthy physical contact first. I can see I need to do a post about that.

You are also correct in that it should help wives hopefully become more comfortable being nude in front of their husbands. A wife may even begin to see his looks as admiring and desiring and not leering.

Glad to have found this blog linking from Sex Within Marriage. That’s the first time I have seen you comment or I suspect I would have been here sooner.

Interesting thoughts and suggestions. When couples do spend more time on foreplay, the lovemaking can be more satisfying for both spouses.

One benefit of this game (you describe above) would be to encourage the spouses to be a little more adventurous in their foreplay; and that can lead to them finding out they enjoy things they may never have considered trying (such as some playful and loving oral sex).

I’m glad you enjoyed the post Keelie! I enjoyed yours as well.

Great topic for thinking about! In the US today, it is not just children that become too materialistic. Adults place too much emphasis on material things. We need to stress spiritual values more. People can learn to appreciate what they have and not always be longing after things they do not have.

I couldn’t believe I had missed subscribing to your blog. I thought I had done that months ago. I’ll comment on this in a bit.

175 lbs? That was a tough time I’m sure. It would be difficult enough from a body image standpoint, but living with the feelings of poor health and limited physical motion is what really depresses a person. 135 lbs is not too bad if you are around 5’10”.

Diet, exercise and water are certainly the key. There is always someone who tells you how many calories you can burn having sex. I think they probably over estimate, but I think I would be remiss if I didn’t throw that into the mix on a regular basis. That’s just my layman’s opinion, of course. I could be wrong, but I wouldn’t let that stop me. “Don’t forget we need to exercise, Hon…. Again.”

It’s so funny. My husband laughs at me all the time when I beg him to get a phone that I can text him on. He has no idea how fun it can be to sext and how much better it’ll be later that night if we do.
Perhaps a game might help….but who has time for games after long days, and putting kids to bed? UGH.
I’ll just keep telling him we need to get him a phone to text with me. The foreplay with that is A LOT OF FUN!
But I will be bookmarking this page, for when the kids start doing sleepovers at friends’ houses and we have more time to play at home without them around!!!!

I haven’t reached the point of needing anything to help me set the mood for sex yet in my life. I still crave it daily with my husband. I do put on sexy lingerie and makeup from time to time to spice things up more.
We just recently reviewed the Fantasy Box monthly membership box and that was a lot of fun to do.
This sounds like a great game to play this St. Patrick’s Day and other days. Thanks for sharing it with us.

This would be great for those at-home date nights when we finally get the house to ourselves. Thanks for sharing!

Fun idea for a date night at home. Probably should get a babysitter to take the kids for the night though. 🙂

This looks like a great way to relight the fire in a marriage. 🙂

I was admittedly a little nervous when I got to this link on the commentathon haha! But reading your post, you actually made it seem like a fun date night idea!

Very interesting. I’ll have to check this out.

These are definitely great games to spice things up in the bedroom! I’m going to have to show this post to my husband, I think he would love it!

A post full of things have no current use for at this time in my life. It is very creative idea, an adult game of truth or dare.

A great way to spice up your sex life. Sometimes we just get in a habit ya know? Great that you are bold enough to talk about this.

Ooooh, looks like great ideas. Not sure we’d play these but I’m sure they’re fun! 🙂 Thanks for sharing.

Oh my gosh, this sounds like fun! I think no matter where you are–newlyweds or grandparents–this is a fun way to get to know your spouse and what you want from each other. Talking about sex is a good way to ensure both of you are feeling the heat and getting the most out of your moments together.

This definitely had me blushing. Something fun to do with hubby though.

I LOVE it!! This is right up my alley! I am always on the lookout for new and creative ways to make our bedroom adventures more interesting.
Thank you for sharing this idea.

This is a very interesting concept and it is certainly one that would help keep the flame going within a relationship. Sometimes it’s fun to step outside the box of the norm and rediscover one another. Thank you for sharing this.

I’m all about trying nee things to keep the passion alive and well in my marriage. Thank you for sharing 🙂

Well, now that I’m done blushing, thanks for the tips. I think most relationships could use a little perk up every now and then.

I wonder if any psychologist have come up with and option for mother and baby to create an ocytocin release for bonding similar to that which comes with breast feeding? If a child will suck a pacifier for comfort, would using the mother’s breast as a pacifier before a nap or bedtime have the some effect? Of course, there may not be many mothers who want to devote the time to being a human “pacifier” but if they experienced an oxytocin release like with milk letdown they might for the benefit provided both. Just wondering. Being a man, I might have it all wrong.

Beautiful thoughts from a lovely lady.

This is a tough one for sure. So much of the problem is what women internalize about about themselves, not what their husbands say. One can certainly argue that the behavior of husbands can affect how their wives feel, but in the end, it really comes down to how women decide to feel about themselves. I tried to address this once with “Look Away. I’m Hideous,” but I could not really offer any solutions, only point out how women are buying into false perceptions about how their husbands see them. I hope you can offer some insights I missed or correct my possible misunderstanding of the problem.

Yeah, daily sex can be a bit much. We’ve never made it a month either (though we haven’t specifically aimed for that).

I love this. Am pinning for later. 🙂

I think the only thing I would change is the concept of meeting your spouse halfway, because how do you determine what is halfway? What if your husband thinks he is meeting you halfway but you feel he is only a quarter of the way there? Marriage isn’t 50/50 but 100/100. You both need to give it your all. Rather than trying to meet my husband at some vague halfway point, we instead try to come up with a win/win solution. Because if one person “wins” while the other loses, in actuality you both lose, so keep working until you find a solution that you both are happy with. (Although I should mention that there should be times of sacrifice too, in which YOU deliberately CHOOSE to take the loss so your spouse can win. But a heathy marriage should never force a loss on a spouse who isn’t willing to take it or that will foster bitterness and resentment.)

Thank you for sharing your mom’s words of wisdom!

Well, this is very strange. I registered as a user which put me in moderation. Now I’ve logged out and things are as they were.

I agree that’s an excellent way to find out why you do sex as you do. I can remember trying to get pregnant with my son. You had that little 3 or 4 day window in which to knock it out of the park until next month. Who would think having sex would feel like a chore. “Again already? Didn’t we earlier today?”

I’m happy you’re able to share with us too. I feel the same way about my blog. My heart and soul are in it too. It feels so rewarding when someone tells you in a comment that you have made a positive difference in their life and then urges you to keep writing. Other than my wife, my family does not know of my blog. Perhaps some day they will.

We have a code for when either of us are in the mood. We simply say, we’re in the mood for pumpkin soup. It was a silly suggestion that stuck. It’s something we can use in front of the kids or in public and the secret makes the lead up all the more fun! We have words we only use in the bedroom too but I think I’ll keep those secret!

Keelie, thanks so much for mentioning my post.

Looks like your guitar playin’ guys are having a great time. (My son plays guitar too.)

I went to a water park and was “okay.” I’ve been working on my confidence and got myself to wear and even buy a new bikini to wear in my back yard. My 5 & 7 year old destroyed me. I’ve lost 45 pounds since having my FOURTH baby in September 2013. Lilly asks, “mom, what will you look like when you finally lose weight?” Then about half an hour later, Via says to me, “I like the other suit better. The one that COVERS your tummy.”
My husband pointed out to me that it’s likely neither girl meant anything at all by their comments. I exercise every day. Lilly may genuinely think I’m still trying to lose weight and wonders what on earth will I look like. Via may really just like the other suit. All I heard was, “Mom, your FAT!”

Errmmm I am not sure who is in favour of vanilla sex, I think I would rather watch paint dry 🙁 guy on top positions are usually boring as I can’t really see anything :((( second you cannot control when you want to orgasm doubtful if you can have multiple orgasm ether BORING! I can’t imagine watching your man jack -hammering away being that fun. 

Also another point is what if your the type of woman who wants more sex during her period! Personally variety is even more important in that phase, get out of your comfort zone. 

I love this idea, and I think it’s one that people don’t often think about. Especially when in TV shows or movies it’s commonly portrayed for the girls to get together and complain about their useless husbands while the guys go to the bar and complain about their naggy wives. It’s so important to build each other up. Thanks for the reminder.

I love this concept of looking after other marriages. My husband and I have just finished facilitating “The Marriage Course” for 8 weeks. It was a huge commitment and a lot of work cooking meals so that couples could have an intimate candlelit dinner before starting on the course content, but such service I see as contributing to make our society stronger. Strong marriages affect our community in more ways then we could even imagine.

Thanks for the tips Keelie. I recommend reading posts from Ruth at http://www.christiansexclass.org as well.

Hi Keelie – Thanks so much for including my post.

I agree with these suggestions (LOVE the idea about Christmas lights!) , & also advocate the use of essential oils-they have done so much to boost my confidence (& desire) over the last 14 months. Diffuse them, use them 2 make massage oils & body oils, you can even use the oil blend whisper as a perfume. Music is another good thing 2 help set the mood & get your mind off what u consider 2 be your physical inadequacies. Then just remember that men & women are totally different-all those little things you worry about probably don’t bother him a bit. Just try 2 stop focusing on those & instead concentrate on making him feel good. Taking pleasure in giving him pleasure helps you ignore those unsettling distractions & just enjoy each other. Oh! And play games (take regular games & adapt them 2 make them sexy) …. a great way 2 have fun together as you slip into foreplay without leaving room for you 2 think about any insecurities you might be bothered by. 🙂

Thank you for including me in your roundup!

We are very frugal in my household, too.
Neither my husband nor I have paid for a haircut since we got married. I cut his and mine. It’s fun and saves so much money!
We don’t use cloth napkins, but we do use cloth diapers. You have to be careful with which you purchase, but if you get the right ones, this can save a lot of money!

Thanks so much for linking to my blog this week. 🙂

Soooooo funny! And true! ?

Great tips Keelie! Thank you for sharing with us at #HomeMattersParty. We would love to have you again next week.

Wow Keelie! I LOVED THIS POST! Thank you for being real. I so often feel alone in this area. I get annoyed reading blogs that are like “oh we are all beautiful in our own special way…you just need to embrace your beauty…find something you like… ” BLAH, blah, blah! I know they mean well, but that kind of talk does nothing for me.
I hate water parks. I used to LOVE them, and could have so much fun, until I woke up and realized every woman there had a much better body than I do. My husband doesn’t agree, and claims he still loves my body, but it’s hard! And I so know what you mean. Of course teens will have flatter tummies, but these sexy mamas with their kids in tow, ouch!
I wish I had read this eons ago! I wish I knew you personally and could have shared this before, it would have saved me so much agony. My husband has this stupid habit of getting mad at me when I get down on myself. It’s so annoying! If I feel badly about myself and dare say it out loud, he starts to get mad and/or annoyed. He’ll say stupid things like “we won’t even go to the pool on vacation if it makes you feel so badly.” Oh great! So I get to be the one who ruins everyone’s fun? I’ve even tried going and just sitting quietly by myself, not bothering a soul. Why can’t he just leave me alone with my insecurities? As you said, they’ll pass. I wish he’d just leave me alone and have fun, but he won’t.
Anyhow, THANK YOU for being real! It is so much easier to take you seriously and listen to your advice knowing that you’ve been there and you UNDERSTAND!

What a post! So much work and so many tips and this was such a refresher (coz we all forget after being married for this long!)
Thank u! Totally enjoyed it and Ive saved it too 🙂

I love taking pictures together. Plus, with digital cameras and camera phones, you can actually perfect one photo to keep with you whenever you’re feeling less than sexy!

Taking time to be intimate with your spouse is so important and it is a great way to reconnect. This should be a priority in every marriage. Great tips!

These are some great tips! It’s awesome when you and your spouse can find each other’s groove. My husband just called me on his lunch break to ask me out on a date tonight, and it totally made my day. He almost always calls on his lunch break, and it’s great to know he’s thinking of me.

We do all of these…ever since we first started going together. But we have also only been married for 3 yrs.

This was a great post! Me and my husband have double sinks in our bathroom so we are always in the mirror together. We also make sure to have professional photos done once a year 🙂

This was an interesting list to read. It’s a topic that does need more attention!

i never actually thought about this–but I definitely want to start thinking about it. Thank you for giving me something to figure out with my husband!

My hubby and I like to laugh and be silly together. On the flip side, we also like to slow dance around the living room. 🙂

My other half and I put on some weight due going on a lot of dates which includes eating a lot.Recently I went back to yoga and she came along she loved it.That what makes us feel attrative

I really enjoyed reading this! I would say looking into the mirror together, and working out together; either at home or at a gym

There are certainly great tips in this post. I did not think about the mirror in this way, new trick to put in my sexy tool box thank you. I agree with you about the lighting, it can certainly create the ambiance in the room and toss in a little back ground music. Candles have a way of flicking dancing shadows across the walls and keep a room warm as well. Thanks for a great post.

Rachel

one tip left out – God is in the middle of EVERY marriage….. 😀

Looks like you’ve put a lot of thought into your room. Thanks for sharing with us at the #HomeMattersParty link party

Well said!! This sums it all up:

“Honestly, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Her freely giving her body over to my authority is a beautiful act of kindness, grace, and love. How much mutual submission, respect, and love could there be if I had to demand her physical affection? How much trust would I feel if she took me without my consent? What kind of affection would I be able to offer her if she insisted it was her right to take from me?”

I just want to say thank you so much. Your idea help my husband and I connect on a deeper level! You have such imaginative ideas for couples!

Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
a lovely deer, a graceful doe.
Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight;
be intoxicated always in her love.
Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman
and embrace the bosom of an adulteress?

Congrats again on your innovative suggestions for a very relevant topic. You always tastefully fill in so many practical details for married couples and we appreciate that!

Keelie,

Honoured to make your list.
I especially like this list because you run/read in slightly different circles than we do and there are some great blogs here I don’t promote often enough.

I could not agree more! These are people I would love to meet one day and just hang out with a cup of coffee.
I would be like a sponge and just soak things up.

Linked to your post here.

I just took down my Christmas tree, so… yeah 🙂

Comparison is a no no if you want anything to work out well for you. At times, you can learn from others. But too often when we compare ourselves to others (especially those doing better than us) we start ignoring all the positive things we have, and that’s a slippery road…

This is such a great post, SO true!

Ugh. Communication is one of our biggest issues, but we’re working on it. I don’t like asking for anything. Gifts, needs, anything. Until very recently, I’ve been the initiator most of our marriage. When I started to believe most of the time we made love he was giving me “pity sex” I stopped asking altogether. We’ve discussed this, and he would like me to tell him when I’m in the mood, but I’m so afraid to go back there. I figure if he wants romance, he will let me know. If I have to ask for it, then he will just give in and do it because he wants me to be happy. But I don’t want him to make love to me because he feels obligated to, I want him to want to. And how will I know if he ever wants to, if I’m the one who has to keep asking?
By the way, since I’ve stopped bringing it up, our sex life has slowed down. It always slows down until I can’t stand it anymore and I finally say something. But I don’t want it to be that way! It really makes me feel like he’s not in love with me, but fulfilling some obligation.
I wouldn’t mind so much telling him when I’m feeling romantic, if he would do the same. But he doesn’t, and so I don’t either. So often nothing happens, and that proves my theory that he’s just not that into me. 🙁
So I think this is great advice for women who know their husbands desire them, but not so much for those of us who are tired being given “pity sex”.

“WHAT IF I BLESS THEM AND THEY DON’T BLESS ME BACK?”
an understandable question, yet it comes from the wrong place mentally. go in thinking of your action as a gift (blessing!) to your spouse. then it’s not scratch-my-back-I’ll-scratch-yours, but a true gift. this will be a stretch, but your spouse is worth it! 🙂

These are great points, Keelie. I’ve been thinking a lot about busyness lately, because I think it is harming many marriages and families.

I would say read the Bible together each night before bed (as often as you can, anyway). We have so been enjoying doing this since the beginning of the year, and have had great discussions! 🙂

Most people are way too busy, especially people with kids. If our kids aren’t super busy, they’ll never get into a good college, etc….

1 Timothy 6:6-10

6 But godliness with contentment is great gain, 7 for we brought nothing into the world, and[a] we cannot take anything out of the world. 8 But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content. 9 But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. 10 For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs.

Thank you.

This is quite useful for me, as I build my relationship

Looks like a fun game, except for beefstick breath 😉

Thank you so much for sharing. I am so grateful. It makes my heart soar to know that couples are using it and finding it helpful in their marriage!

Thank you for sharing these great tips for a special Valentine’s Day at #HomeMattersParty hope you will link up again!

I made list!!! Woohoo! Super duper honored, Keelie! 🙂

Ooh, sounds like sexy fun!

I follow this list too, Keelie! Also, I’ve enjoyed following along with your blog more recently. I remember seeing your blog a while back from a group or something but now I’m happy to have networked even more with you. 🙂

I’m jealous you got to hold Mr. Piffles! 🙂 Looks like you had a great time. Happy Valentine’s Day Keelie and Austin!!

Also, FYI, I registered for your site but there’s no way to sign in so that CommentLuv works properly 🙂

Hi Keelie,

Thanks for talking about this. I’m re-thinking going outside of my comfort zone. I found the article on Marriage4:29 upsetting and encouraging. It’s great that the author was able to feel so good about herself. I don’t know if I’ll ever get there.

I had a bad experience where I had decided to do basically what she did (although my confidence was lower). I did plan and practice and was ready to surprise my husband. Sadly, through discussion I found out he had had a “professional” personal dance before we were married, yet still dating. I was crushed. I think I’ve forgiven him, as he was so young, unmarried, and unsaved. But it was very upsetting to me because I had thought it would be a special thing between us. However, I cannot and will not, compete with a professional.

My husband claims to feel sad about this. He feels like he’s paying for a stupid mistake he made long ago, as an unsaved young man. I’m not trying to make him pay, but I cannot bring myself to be that vulnerable, not when he already shared what was supposed to be a romantic and sexy and very special moment with a woman who I am sure was MUCH hotter than I could ever be.

And so, that once exciting idea is now way too far out of my comfort zone. I think I need to start smaller. I need to go outside of my comfort zone by trying to think positively. I need to try to force myself to believe he means it when he says he is attracted to me, and that he loves me, and that he only wants to be with me. Believe it or not, believing such things is incredibly uncomfortable for me. It just feels so untrue.

But I do want to forget the past, and believe in his love. I think that would make me a better lover.

I am sixty nine years old, married these last forty four years to the girl I adored and thought I would love and be loved by for the rest of our lives, having grown up in a family where love was totally absent it only accentuated my feelings of bliss that at last I could experience this exhilarating feeling that comes from both giving and receiving love. The only problem was that this meant that I was inexperienced in knowing how best to express my powerful feelings. The dilemma I faced was that I felt awkward, shy and embarrassed at showing my love and affection while at the same time wanting so much to do just that.
Both virgins on our wedding day, saving ourselves for our special time was so important and while it had been a struggle for me at least, I was glad that I had managed it.
Three children arrived, the first seven years into our marriage, and our relationship seemed all anyone could want it to be. Never were there any serious disagreements and we did what we could to provide a happy and loving environment for our children. The contrast to the upbringing I had, could not have been more evident, I considered myself most fortunate to finally be in a loving relationship. Our sex life was enjoyable if not hugely adventurous and always initiated by me, if I didn`t start it, it didn`t happen. I was slow to pick up on this point and by around 2001 thought that it was only me that was benefiting from our conjugal relations which caused me to have a range of feelings, not the least of which were ones of my inadequacy on my part. I was not giving pleasure to my girl. This did very little for my self confidence and made me wonder if this had been the case all along, could I have missed the signs for thirty odd years? Had I been receiving obligation sex without realizing it all this time? I stopped initiating sex with my wife sometime during 2001 to 2002 and that was the last time we had sex. I mean with anyone, I have never been intimate with anyone other than my wife and I am sure the same applies to her with me and I have no inclination to change that. I will not pretend that this has not had serious consequences on our relationship, it is in a very deep hole, having left me feeling emasculated and inadequate. I am left feeling devoid of love and affection with strong feelings of resentment. In 2014, I attempted to engage in a serious discussion about our relationship as I could see the situation only getting worse otherwise, this was rejected, which left me feeling surprised, disappointed, sad and only built on my already emasculated self. I felt great resentment and anger and sadness that our marriage had degraded to this extent. My great fear is that we have passed the point of no return, for love to form and develop there needs to be a germ, a seed a spark, from which such feelings can flourish, for me that spark has been snuffed out. To imagine how that can be reversed, turned around at this stage, is outside my comprehension, sadly.
Too late, I accept my share of responsibility for where we are today. I at least, assumed that all was rosy, that a good marriage, which I thought we had, could survive without good housekeeping, without conversation directed at maintaining the right environment. If I could give advice to my younger self those forty plus years ago, it would be to be more open and frank in talking through our thoughts, fears, hopes,dreams however awkward and uncomfortable it may seem at the time. Marriage is an investment, maybe not the obvious large financial one such as ones house but an emotional one and no less important. It takes work and the work needs to start early to form the habit.

I would ask that should you use any of my account that my full name should not be made public. Thank you

Stacy is my inspiration! I like crystal as well and my other favorite is Katie @ wellness mama.

What if your husband does NOT like your body? Of you are working on your shape, going to the gym, eating well, etc. But, have about 75 pounds to lose?

I feel the need to comment because I am a very full figured gal who gravity has hit hard. My figure is by no means winning me any awards. Think tess holiday. My husband is thin and very attractive. We’ve Been Married almost 7 years, together almost 12. I sleep in panties only (thongs, lace, cheekies, even my granny panties are bought to flatter the derriere) I add a camisole or babydoll pj top if I feel the need. This gives the husband a great view from both sides which leads to a lot more touching and snuggling. I can’t tell you how many nights just rolling over to sleep is enough to put him in the mood because he has a great view and better yet is cuddling up to a semi bare bum. Your sleepwear sends a strong message and that message should be “this is all for you!”