Over the last few weeks, I have had several readers come to Love Hope Adventure looking for the answers to these types of questions:
How does a woman prepare herself for sex?
How do other women prepare for sex?
How should a woman prepare for her first time?
I decided that since so many people are out there asking this question, I am going to give an answer. Before I got married and had sex, I had the same questions. Not everyone has a mom that is willing to talk about such things with them, so I understand why many people are asking Google to give them an answer.
Decide on a Birth Control Method
Unless you want a honeymoon baby, you need to decide on a method of birth control. This is certainly a decision you should make with your soon to be spouse. They may have their own ideas and hangups about different forms of birth control.
Personally, I chose to go on the pill for the first year of my marriage so I didn’t have to try and figure out condoms along with everything else. After the first year, I went off the pill. I felt like it was causing me to gain weight, and considering I have a history of obesity, I couldn’t have that adding to the reasons I might become overweight.
Everyone’s First Time is Different
One thing that you should know is that no one has the same first experience. Some couples are able to make things happen without a hitch. Others end up trying on their wedding night, but have to push it to the next morning. Then, there are others still that struggle with vaginitis and that causes them to experience pain every time.
Accept In Advance it Might Not Happen on The First Try
Probably the best advice I was given before I got married, was that I should be prepared that it might not happen the first day we tried. Not only did I need to be prepared for that, but I needed to prepare my husband for that. We decided in advance that if things weren’t working out, we would rejoice that we were married and try again later.
Wear Something You Feel Comfortable In
You likely won’t wear lingerie every day you are with your spouse, but it definitely has its advantages for the first time. When you are wearing something that makes you feel beautiful and covers you in all the right places, you will feel more at ease.
Most of us don’t have what it takes to just pop out of the bathroom without clothes on for our first experience. Wearing something you feel good in will help you deal with some of the awkwardness you will feel at the beginning.
Bring a Lot of Lube
Seriously, this is not the movies and you are going to have to use some lube, especially if you are using condoms as your choice of birth control. Either way, you need to be ready with a good lube. I’m not talking about the sketchy flavored ones, go for practical.
Go Slow…Like a Snail
I understand that you have waited a long while to get to this point, but you need to take it slow at the start. Once your husband gets inside you, just take a few moments to sit in this position without moving. Allow yourself a chance to get used to him being inside you.
Communicate During The Entire Time
It is so important that you share with your spouse how everything is feeling. If you need him to reposition, go slower, or stop for a moment, don’t be afraid to tell him. Be sure to speak kindly and not shout out orders. That can cause you both to lose confidence.
If you get yourself in the habit of talking to one another from the start, it will really help you later on in your sex life.
Don’t Feel Discouraged
The first day you have sex will likely not be your best day ever. This is true for both you and your husband. You can look back on this memory with sentiment. Just know that the best is yet to come.
It takes couples years to develop a sex life that is satisfying to both every time. If you did not reach orgasm during this encounter, don’t lose heart. Great sex takes a lot of practice.
Things I Don’t Recommend
You are going to read a lot of bloggers who give you advice that I personally wouldn’t recommend. Here are a few things that I think you need to avoid when getting ready for sex the first experience.
- Porn- Many people say you should watch porn so you can know what to expect and for educational purposes. This is about as helpful for a person looking to go into the police force to watch a police show. Theatrics are just that, for entertainment. There might be a small amount of truth in the scenes, but not enough to warrant using it for educational purposes. Honestly, this will hurt you much more than it will help you.
- Vibrators- Don’t get me wrong here, I am not against vibrators. In fact, I think that using one while being intimate with your spouse is great. However, I do not think you should spend time on solo sex. This sets you up for more things to overcome once you get married. You can condition yourself to only be able to reach physical bliss through this method and that will be damaging to your sex life. Instead, focus on learning to reach this point with your spouse, not in advance.
- Sex position books- Looking at the different types of sex positions out there is enough to bring stress to even a seasoned woman. Your first time, stick with something simple and easy to achieve. Guy on top with girl on the bottom is an easy position to get into. Trying new positions is a great idea for later on, but reading about these positions ahead of time can make you feel nervous about that night. It is best to stay away from things that destroy your sexual confidence.
These are a few things I don’t think you need to spend time investing in advance. I think that these things will actually make it more difficult for you to enjoy your first time and could lead to problems in your sex life later on.
I know there are a lot of people out there that will disagree with me over these things you should avoid. We are all entitled to our opinions. I didn’t do any of those things, yet I had a honeymoon that went well for me.
What would you advise a woman who is preparing to be physically intimate for your first experience? Leave a message in the comments so that other readers can gain insight.
If you liked this post, check out the one I wrote:
How a Woman Can Prepare Herself To Reach Physical Bliss