How to Approach Your Spouse After They Have Refused Something Sexual

Have you tried to go to your spouse regarding something sexual that you want to try and been shot down? I think this is pretty common in marriages. There could be any number of reasons that this happens. So, what do you do if you want to try to ask again?

Here’s a few tips to help you have the conversation again.

Be Patient and Give Time

For one thing, you need to be patient and give your spouse time. Let at least a few months pass before you bring this up again. I know that may be a long time to wait, but if you come back to them too quickly, it can sound pushy. You want to handle this gently, because if you don’t, you can make it worse.

Become Adventurous In Other Things

If your spouse is one that already struggles to be adventurous in the bedroom, then you need to work on that concept. Find something out of the usual that they do want to try and start there. If they are a person that just never wants to experiment sexually, then consider going outside of intimacy and do things in life that are adventurous.

Work together to become more adventurous as a couple in different aspects of your life and it will open the doors to more adventure in the bedroom.

Have The Conversation in a Non-Threatening Setting

One of the reasons that your spouse may shoot you down about something new, is that you sprung it on them in the middle of sex. Some people need time to be mentally prepared to do things out of the ordinary. Rather then approaching your spouse right before a sexual encounter, you should have the conversation in a non-sexual setting.

Find Out Their Hangups

There’s likely a reason they shot you down. It’s important that you figure out why they did. What’s their hangup?

These are some possible reasons-

  • Moral objection
  • Feel embarrased
  • Hygiene concerns
  • Thinks it will be painful
  • Makes them feel dirty

Really listen to why they don’t want to try the new thing. Maybe there is a way you can work together as a couple to overcome those hangups. Ask them if they have any ideas of how they can get over those ideas and try it. Again, stay patient with them.

Be Thankful For What You Have Together

It can be really easy to focus on what you don’t have versus what you do have. Be really intentional about thanking your spouse for the things they do that please you. If they feel like they keep putting themselves out there, and all you do is bring up what they don’t want to do, it won’t go over well.

Hopefully some of these ideas will help you out when going back to your spouse about a sensitive topic. If you want to be a part of discussions like this, join us in the Love Hope Adventure Community. Sign up for the newsletter below and we will send you instructions of how to join the community.

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