I was thinking through a question I was asked about trying new things in the bedroom. Specifically it was about new positions, but I think the same idea applies to trying anything new. The concern could basically be summed up this way – we’re hesitant to try new things because we’re afraid it won’t be good and it’ll ruin the mood.
This is a legitimate concern. Why mess with a good thing? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, right? Here’s the problem – this will prevent you from ever having any spontaneity or adventure in your love life. Living in this fear will stunt your potential growth in intimacy.
What if We Don’t Want to Try Anything New?
Don’t! If you and your spouse are perfectly happy with your love life, great! I don’t want you to misinterpret what I’m saying as a slap on the wrist, and a shaking head saying “you’re doing it wrong!”
That being said, are you sure you’re both happy? Have you and your spouse had a frank and direct conversation about it? If not, you should. Sometimes one partner is interested in trying something, but doesn’t want to say anything.
Ok, you’ve talked, you’ve been honest with each other, and everybody’s satisfied with the way things are. Wonderful! Celebrate together. And then ask again in a few years… 😉
What if We Try Something New and It’s Not Amazing?
Anytime you try something new in life, there’s a few possible outcomes:
It’s amazing! Congratulations, you just found something you love. Remember it, and do it again.
It’s meh. You decide to get adventurous, go out on a limb, and… it’s ok. Well, decide if it’s worth doing again. Maybe try it again later. Or, just, whatever. Not a big deal!
It’s terrible. That’s ok!
Well, it’s not ok, but it’s not going to devastate your love life. This is what I want to address. When it’s just no good whatsoever. Even this can have varying levels. You try a new position and it’s just not any good. At all. Like, we never wanna do that again. Don’t worry about it. Go to a different position. You tried rocky road and didn’t like it. Drop back into that tried and true vanilla yall both love.
Then there’s the worst possible scenario. We’re talking pain, embarrassment, catastrophic loss of balance, whatever! Maybe it’s too late to go back to vanilla. That’s ok!
Thousands of Tries
Here’s what dawned on me while thinking this through – you are going to be intimate with your spouse thousands of times! I mean, do the math. Ideally, you’ll be married for years, decades even. How often are you and your spouse intimate? Now multiply that by 30, 40, 50 years. Yeah, I know, right?!
Now let’s put something into perspective. What if you tried something new every month? That’s high, but what if? Assume every one of those are absolutely terrible. They won’t be, but what if? Now, multiply that out. Do some more math and divide that into your total amount. What do you get? One percent? Less?
Think about that! If one percent of the meals you ate at a restaurant were terrible, would you abandon all hope and never go out to eat again? If one percent of movies you saw in the theater were real stinkers, would you stop going to the movies? Of course not!
And remember, that was all assuming that every attempt was terrible. But what if even half of them were somewhere on the meh-to-amazing side of the spectrum? That’s a lot of great things to discover!
Love Hope Adventure
You need adventure in your life. You need new in your life. Decide that you and your spouse are going to treat this life like an adventure. Go to that new restaurant on your next date night. Buy that different style shirt your spouse has been hinting at. Try something new in the bedroom.
Go on an adventure!
Are you and your spouse afraid to try something new? What’s holding you back? Sound off in the comments below!
Austin and Keelie have been sharing life together for nearly two decades. In that time they've gone from high school sweethearts to a family of five.
Austin loves making Keelie and the boys laugh whenever he can. Occasionally he writes things.