You know that marriage advice that says, “Never go to bed angry”…well, I’ve got something to say about that, “Just go to bed already!”. Seriously, my friends, there comes a point when you just need to go to bed already.
Doesn’t the Bible Say Not to Go to Bed Angry
Ephesians 4:26 says, “Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger”. Some people translate this to mean your anger towards someone shouldn’t last more than a day. Others say that at the end of every night, you should resolve the conflict.
Either way, Paul is telling us what we should do, as an ideal Christian. He is saying, you can be angry, but don’t sin. One of the ways you sin is by holding onto the anger and not letting it go. Fair enough, but when the clock strikes midnight and you are still throwing down with each other, then you are likely doing a lot of things that are sinful.
Who in the world is being kind to one another when they hit a point of exhaustion. The Bible commands us to love others, and one of the characteristics of love is kindness. When you stop being kind and start hurting, then you are sinning.
You Can Stop Being Angry, But Still Have Problems to Resolve
I think people take this scripture to mean that you have to resolve all of the problems in a relationship before you go to bed. There is a difference between putting aside your anger about something and resolving the conflict. I can stop being mad at the person before we have reached a resolution.
Conflicts in marriage are going to take hours, days, month, sometimes years to resolve. You can’t and shouldn’t try to fix everything before you hit the hay.
The More Tired You Get the Meaner You Get
The more tired you become, the worse your judgement call will be. There is no way to resolve issues if you are beyond the point of being reasonable. Being tired will make you defensive and mean.
Once you and your spouse enter into a power struggle, it is time to take a break. There is nothing wrong with getting into an argument with your husband or wife. The problem is when it changes from being a heated debate to an all out war.
Once a Power Struggle Ensues, The Gloves Come Off
I know you’ve been here before with your spouse. You want them to see your way about something and they just don’t. Late night discussions tend to degrade quickly, because neither of you have the patience to work it out.
Entering into a power struggle with anyone will cause you to do whatever it takes to force the other person to do what you want them to do. When we are fighting as adults, we tend to bring out all the ammunition we have against the other person and let it loose. We do this because we want to hurt the other person so that they will stop fighting back.
Really, what it does to lash out at someone, is it causes them to return the insults and pretty soon you are both verbally beating each other up. This is where some couples turn physical in their arguments, which is very damaging.
Just Go to Bed Already! For Real!
I’m serious people, if you get into a fight late at night with your spouse, shut it down. Stop talking about it and go to sleep. Sometimes, going to bed and sleeping it off is the solution to the problem. When you get up in the morning, your head will be much clearer and you will have the ability to work through it.
Here’s What I’m Not Saying
Now, what I’m not saying is that you shouldn’t strive for what the Bible instructs. Yes, as a Christ follower, you need to pray that God will change you. Pray that He will help you resolve anger within yourself quickly so that you can stop sinning in that way.
Here’s What I am Saying
….For the love, stop making it worse! Stop saying to yourself, “I don’t want to sin so I must make my spouse stop doing the things that make me angry”. Anger is a personal problem. The other person cannot make you stop feeling angry. That is on you.
Just go to bed already. Pray for God to forgive you for your sins and ask Him to help you change. Don’t be stubborn and say, “Well, I can’t disobey on this” all while you are disobeying on other commands.
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Keelie is a mother of three amazing boys and married to her high school sweetheart, Austin. She spends her days running R5 Website Management, taking care of the home, and investing in her children. In her spare time, she loves to encourage married couples to grow deeper in their relationship and find joy in their marriage.