I have shared this before, but my parents talked to me a lot about sex when I was growing up. A lot of people ask me what these conversations looked like. Here’s a quick rundown of the kinds of things we talked about. They had ongoing conversations with me, so it was never a one-and-done talk about sex.
Discussion Questions to Talk To Your Kids About Sex
1. God’s design for sex and how he meant it for intimacy between married people.
2. If you want to wait until marriage to have sex, you need to put a plan in place before you starting dating someone. That plan needs to be shared with the person you are dating.
3. If your spouse does anything sexual that you feel uncomfortable with, then you need to tell them. Have the understanding ahead of time that if you’re not comfortable with something, then the other person will graciously stop and realize it’s not personal towards them.
4. If something your spouse is doing is physically that is hurting you, speak up and tell them. My dad specifically told me this.
5. Sex isn’t the only form of intimacy, but it’s a form of intimacy that should only be shared with your spouse.
6. Sex is meant to be fun for both the husband and wife.
7. All things are permissible in the bedroom as long as it doesn’t involve a third party. But if one of you isn’t ok or comfortable with something, then you should not do it.
8. Hugging and kissing will lead to sex.
9. Necking on the couch is fun and you should do it. (I honestly don’t know what necking means, mom and dad are in their 70’s now. But it was some form of foreplay. Maybe kissing each other’s necks?)
10. No strings attached foreplay is important in a marriage. Not every kiss, massage, or hug should lead to sex.
11. A true gentleman would respect me if I tell them I don’t want to have sex and if I was dating a boy that made it an ultimatum, dump him.
12. If your spouse forces you to have sex when you said no, it’s rape and it should be treated as rape.
13. It’s ok to say no to sex in marriage, but it’s not ok to always say no and never have sex. If that’s the case, you have to figure out why.
14. It’s your body and you get to decide what’s done to it. Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself.
15. Sex should be a priority in your marriage. Married people have sex, and they have it a lot.
16. The mechanics of sex. They described PIV to me. Not in more detail than a husband puts his penis in his wife’s vagina.
They talked to me about so much in regards to sex, that if I had a question, I could ask them. I asked about oral sex, masturbation, orgasms, and not sure what else really.
Things I Learned On My Own Before Marriage
There were things they didn’t talk to me about that I found out in other ways.
- I didn’t really understand what cum was until I was much older.
- I didn’t know what lube was until my bachelorette’s party. My sister in law gag gifted it to me, but I’m glad she did, because then I asked her questions about it.
- Different positions were never really discussed with me.
- They never talked about toys, but that’s obvious because toys weren’t what they are now when I was first getting married.
Resources For Sex Before Getting Married
I read this book before I got married: Getting Your Sex Life Off to a Great Start. They told me to read it and to let them know if I had any questions. I don’t specifically remember asking them anything, because it had so much great information that helped on my wedding night.
After I had sex on my honeymoon, I had some questions and called my mom to ask her things. I felt ok doing that, because we had so many conversations over the years. She even checked in with me several months after we were married to see how I was doing.
Sex Support For Married Couples
My parents have continued to give us support to our sex life by babysitting for us while we go on a sex-cation. My mom and dad have always babysat for us for couples getaway weekends with the express purpose of us being able to have uninterrupted sex. They have done this for all of my siblings and many of their friends over the years. Mom would call up our pastors or other people that she knew and ask if she could take the kids for a weekend. They do this now for my nieces and nephews that have kids.
I know it is hard to have conversations with your kids about sex, but it is important to make this part of your discussions with them.