I was being interviewed on a podcast the other day about sexual intimacy. The question about trying new things in the bedroom came up. Rebekah Hargraves, the one interviewing me, asked me one of her readers questions.
Here’s what she asked-
You have some really fun products available on your site, such as your various Bedroom Games and your Truth or Dare for couples. Certain aspects of both of these require some boldness in the bedroom. What would you say to the wife listening today who feels very self-conscious in the bedroom? Maybe she wants to be like the Shulamite in the Song of Solomon and be uninhibited in the bedroom, but it feels impossible for her to ever be that way. Or maybe she reads some of these truth or dares on your site and thinks, “I could never talk about that openly or do that with my husband!” What encouragement or advice would you share with her?
If you are feeling this same way, here are a few tips I have for you.
Go on the adventure together.
Decide that you’re gonna go for it, even if it doesn’t work out. Sometimes we get hung up on thinking we have to look sexy or act sexy the entire time we are being intimate. Also, we let our fear of failure hold us back.
Instead of avoiding a sexual experience you aren’t sure will work, embrace together as a couple. Go on an adventure together and explore one another’s’ bodies. It may not work out, and that is ok.
Give each other permission to be vulnerable.
Growing in your sexual intimacy requires you to be vulnerable. Give one another the permission to open yourselves up, without fear of ridicule. Don’t make your spouse feel bad for their sexual desires. Rather than shutting them down, listen to their requests and work together to come up with solutions.
Talk before, during, and after.
I cannot stress this enough…communication is key. You have to have ongoing conversations about sex in order to develop an intimate love life. Talk about your expectations ahead of time. During your time of intimacy, give one another instructions. After the experience, talk about how it went and ways to improve next time.
If you are the one that feels scared to try something new in the bedroom, then you need to take initiative. Come up with an idea or two that you want to try. These ideas can be as simple as trying a new foreplay move or more than one sex position during your time together.
Once you have an idea of what you want to try, tell your spouse. Let them know what you want to do with them in the bedroom. This will help you both know what to expect. Then, decide which day of the week you are going to try this thing. It will help your nerves if you are in control more.
Austin and I created a DIY version of our bedroom games for this very reason. We understand not everyone is ready to tackle the foreplay moves we’ve listed. That is why we put together blank spaces on some of our games so that a couple can write their own moves.
The important thing here is that you try new things together as a way of building greater intimacy. Don’t allow this area of your relationship to become stagnate.
Other things on my mind this week
I just got word that you can pre-order this book, More Than Just Making It by Erin Odom. Erin blogs at The Humbled Homemaker. I love this chic. She and I have had a chance to spend time together and we’ve talked about our financial times of hardship. Austin and I were able to write about some of those times from our perspective, and she included those thoughts in her book. I can’t wait for the release, because I think what she has to say will be completely relatable.
Wives, Be Flirty– check out this fun guest post from Rebekah Hargraves
Don’t Nag Your Spouse, Do This Instead
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