Making the permanent decision to stop having children can be a complicated thing to decide. There are so many emotions and things to consider when it is time.
This can bring a lot of strife between a couple as they decide when to make the permanent adjustment and who should be the one to have the surgery. Here are some things to consider when determining if a woman should get her tubes tied or the man should get a vasectomy.
Fighting the Emotional Struggle For Women
Men and women handle sterilization differently. For a woman, she is racked with the emotions of putting an end to her childbearing years. While she might know in her mind that she is done having kids, her heart tells her otherwise every time she holds a newborn.
Of course, I’m stereotyping here with the emotions of a woman. Some women do not have a hard time with the thought of no longer being able to bear children. A woman’s bigger concern might be with the risks of surgery.
The Fears of Vasectomy For a Man
Again, I will stereotype here. Most men have a hard time getting over the thought of having their man parts cut. Just the idea of that sensitive area being touched is enough to make him cringe.
Then there is the manhood end of things. Many guys refuse to entertain the thought of vasectomy because they feel it will make them less of a man. There is also a fear that they will not feel as satisfied with their sex lives.
How to Handle the Decision in a Marriage
Both men’s and women’s views on sterilization are valid concerns that need to be worked through with each other. If both the husband and wife are physically healthy enough for surgery, who should get it done?
This discussion will go differently for every couple, and there isn’t a correct answer across the board. It is best you and your spouse figure out what will work best for you in this situation. You must stay respectful toward one another through the entire process to reach a solution. The solution might be to continue using birth control methods until after a woman goes through menopause.
My Personal Story of Deciding Who Would Become Sterile
I knew my husband had already made his mind up that he wouldn’t consider having a vasectomy early in my marriage. I had a hard time understanding where he was coming from because my dad had one. I think we draw our expectations of birth control from what our parents did. We never got into a heated debate over this issue because we thought it would be years down the road before we had to have this talk.
We both wanted 4 or 5 children as back to back as possible. When I got pregnant with my third child, I had an unexplained miscarriage. I was able to get pregnant for the fourth time a few months later and miscarried that baby as well. And I’m not going to lie, it was really tough. On our entire family, miscarriage was really hard, emotionally.
What My Husband and I Chose to Do
Both of us were devastated by the losses. I was able to get pregnant a fifth time, and it seemed that the pregnancy was going well. I was confident I’d get to keep that baby, and I did.
During that time, however, I was diagnosed with a connective tissue disorder. One of the issues with this disorder is premature birth because of uterine rupture. I was advised to make this my last pregnancy, especially since I had to have a c-section.
This made my husband and I face the conversation much sooner than we had planned. Since I was scheduled for a cesarean, the choice was simple. I had my tubes tied because there was no additional risk to the procedure.
If you are not as lucky as I to decide for you, take the time you need to decide. Whatever you and your spouse choose, make sure you are at peace with the decision.
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